My Personal Experience with No Contact so far

[Fekenaws]

Brief background:

 

My ex and I dated officially for 8 months, but we were exclusively seeing each other for 5 months prior. We never fought or argued, we did not have an abusive relationship. When she broke up with me she gave me "full closure" and let me know exactly why she was breaking up with me. Then she asked if in the distant future we could be friends, I told her I didn't have an answer for her (a moment of weakness on my part, as my answer has always been no with past partners), she was devastated and cried a lot after hearing that, although I cried more during the process overall. We agreed to not remove each other from social media or delete any of our old pictures unless we felt it was necessary, but in the end, we parted ways. Overall, it was a gentle breakup, but a heartbreaking one.

 

1st Month

 

After the initial extremely depressing shock, came Denial. "This is definitely a mistake, she'll be back. Might as well live it up." Got laid, did some things I could've never done otherwise with her around.

End of the first month I realized this was for real and she wasn't coming back. Full on depression. Heavy researching into "how to get ex back" and "no contact". Must've read and watched nearly every source on the internet. If she comes back, I know exactly what to say and do backward and forwards.

 

2nd Month

 

Things are getting better emotionally. Some days are rough, I'd cry. I begin flirting with other girls, nothing comes from it but it's distracting at least. I noticed our pictures of us together came down off of her Instagram and some pictures of her and a new guy took their place, her FB was left unchanged. Still no contact on her end. I started jogging on the treadmill to lose some weight and feel better.

 

3rd Month

 

Still jogging on the treadmill, lost 6 pounds! My ex finally makes contact indirectly by liking a new FB picture I posted. At first, I was mildly happy she still knew I existed, but I didn't reciprocate her indirect reach out in any way, shape or form. That being said, a day or two later my mild happiness transitioned into a combination of anxiety and anger.

 

On the anxious side, I prayed to God, or whatever being may or may not exist, that he would send her a sign to not establish direct contact unless she was rethinking the relationship. I had no desire to be friends, and I didn't want the heartache of rejecting her along with a reminder that I had been dumped.

 

On the angry side, the thought of her trying to come back purely to be my friend made me view her as selfish, as at this point I'm finally feeling okay with never hearing from her again if it's not on my terms. The thought of having to engage with her for any other reason makes me bitter.

 

Final thoughts

 

I just wanted to share my experiences so far with everyone! It's been quite an emotional journey, yet my life has recovered for the most part. I don't know what the future holds but I'm marching further toward it with every passing day, while occasionally looking over my shoulder and lamenting what I lost along the way.

Edited January 4, 2019 by Fekenaws
typo

[GinON]

Good luck.

 

Don't look at her social media, unfriend her, its not like you have kids together. She could keep liking your posts for years and just keep causing unneeded anxiety.

 

Also let yourself cry and be angry, don't hold that back, it helps you move through these things.

[avriltreize]

Brief background:

 

My ex and I dated officially for 8 months, but we were exclusively seeing each other for 5 months prior. We never fought or argued, we did not have an abusive relationship. When she broke up with me she gave me "full closure" and let me know exactly why she was breaking up with me. Then she asked if in the distant future we could be friends, I told her I didn't have an answer for her (a moment of weakness on my part, as my answer has always been no with past partners), she was devastated and cried a lot after hearing that, although I cried more during the process overall. We agreed to not remove each other from social media or delete any of our old pictures unless we felt it was necessary, but in the end, we parted ways. Overall, it was a gentle breakup, but a heartbreaking one.

 

1st Month

 

After the initial extremely depressing shock, came Denial. "This is definitely a mistake, she'll be back. Might as well live it up." Got laid, did some things I could've never done otherwise with her around.

End of the first month I realized this was for real and she wasn't coming back. Full on depression. Heavy researching into "how to get ex back" and "no contact". Must've read and watched nearly every source on the internet. If she comes back, I know exactly what to say and do backward and forwards.

 

2nd Month

 

Things are getting better emotionally. Some days are rough, I'd cry. I begin flirting with other girls, nothing comes from it but it's distracting at least. I noticed our pictures of us together came down off of her Instagram and some pictures of her and a new guy took their place, her FB was left unchanged. Still no contact on her end. I started jogging on the treadmill to lose some weight and feel better.

 

3rd Month

 

Still jogging on the treadmill, lost 6 pounds! My ex finally makes contact indirectly by liking a new FB picture I posted. At first, I was mildly happy she still knew I existed, but I didn't reciprocate her indirect reach out in any way, shape or form. That being said, a day or two later my mild happiness transitioned into a combination of anxiety and anger.

 

On the anxious side, I prayed to God, or whatever being may or may not exist, that he would send her a sign to not establish direct contact unless she was rethinking the relationship. I had no desire to be friends, and I didn't want the heartache of rejecting her along with a reminder that I had been dumped.

 

On the angry side, the thought of her trying to come back purely to be my friend made me view her as selfish, as at this point I'm finally feeling okay with never hearing from her again if it's not on my terms. The thought of having to engage with her for any other reason makes me bitter.

 

Final thoughts

 

I just wanted to share my experiences so far with everyone! It's been quite an emotional journey, yet my life has recovered for the most part. I don't know what the future holds but I'm marching further toward it with every passing day, while occasionally looking over my shoulder and lamenting what I lost along the way.

 

 

 

I dont suppose you could tell me how you were the first few weeks? My bf of over 10yrs just broke up with me a week ago today. I'm still in shock and confused about the whole thing. He has been very understanding and have still been seeing each other, though I'm sure it's not the healthiest thing for either of us, I dont really care about healthy right now.

 

When he told me I was his best friend and loved me I knew he his next words would not be good. He never could tell me exactly what was going on that lead him to this point but I could tell it was very hard for him to get the words out. He told me we would sort everything out and I could take all the time I needed to deal with everything.

 

Though we didn't live together I was at his place more than mine, so when I went home that night I didn't know what tomorrow or the next days would be like. We had plans already for the weekend, nothing big, just a movie and I asked if we could still go, he obliged. Then the next day I asked if we could have dinner to 'talk more' and he also agreed to that.

 

Both days I cried with him and he consoled me. And for a moment I thought that he would take it all back and realize he made a mistake. That didnt' happen. He had to go away for work for a few days but per normal routine we would email or text in the morning and talk before going to bed. Whenever he gets on a plane he would text and tell me he loves me...he still did that too.

 

I guess I'm wondering when exactly will all the routine stuff end? I have to collect my things at his place and his from mine. We have a few outstanding couple things in the future which we haven't really discussed either. When do we give each other back the keys? Do we stop communicating all together? He also said he'd like to stay friends or be friends again in the future.

 

I mean he's my best friend as well as my bf. It's not fair to lose both at the same time. Sigh....I know I'm just babbling now but it sorta is helping so thank you for letting me.

[brent878]

I'm curious what her reasons were for breaking up with you...

[Fekenaws]

I'm curious what her reasons were for breaking up with you...

 

According to her it was that she lost the spark for me and caught it for somebody else, distance (she went away to college) and I was too mushy for her

[Fekenaws]

I feel for ya, it's rough. I haven't spoke to her since we broke up, it was immediate no contact, and even though this sucks to hear the longer you drag out this process of seperating the longer it will hurt. My first few weeks were pretty awful. Crying at work, coming home and immediately sleeping the whole day away, avoiding contact with people, stalking her FB every nano second of the day. Eventually that all slips away though. According to her I was her best friend, but that doesn't really mean much when she's been completely gone for over 3 months without so much as a peep

[lovesflame]

Honestly consider yourself lucky because my ex and I would still text and she would say she missed me and loved me and wanted me next to her but at the same time she never came around and ended up telling me she was sleeping with an old ex and we would never be bsck together on Christmas!

Then a week later told me she would forever be grateful for me in her life. I tried to ask her to try again and this didn't work either so she did u a favor leaving you alone.

I'm confused and sad and crying.

I feel what you're going through brother. Message me if u need to.

I ask everyday why did she message me what she did?

Could I have done anything differently to get her back when she texted me?

It's torment tbh

[Fekenaws]

It sucks, for future reference when you break up just say some variation of "Im sorry but friendship doesn't work for me, but shoot me a text if you change your mind" and then go NC. Never help your ex through a breakup and never indulge them in a conversation, always keep it short and try to set a date. And if they say anything other then yes just retract the offer and say "no problem, lemme know if you change your mind"

 

This is how you avoid heartache, leave the door open for reconciliation, and refuse to help your ex through the break up all at once

[avriltreize]

It sucks, for future reference when you break up just say some variation of "Im sorry but friendship doesn't work for me, but shoot me a text if you change your mind" and then go NC. Never help your ex through a breakup and never indulge them in a conversation, always keep it short and try to set a date. And if they say anything other then yes just retract the offer and say "no problem, lemme know if you change your mind"

 

This is how you avoid heartache, leave the door open for reconciliation, and refuse to help your ex through the break up all at once

 

Sadly I know you're right. Like I KNOW you're right. But it's so hard. Like I said it hasn't even been a week. We still have 'loose ends' to tie up so we're gonna have contact whether we like it or not.

 

It might not seem it, but this thread is helping so thank you.

 

I will say one thing, heartache is gonna happen no matter what.

[Rayce]

Just a little over 1 month NC here. I am just this week feeling more like myself. The 1st month is hard so be extra kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel and cry... lots of tears. Tears are healing and help wash the toxins out of your system.

[Fekenaws]

Sadly I know you're right. Like I KNOW you're right. But it's so hard. Like I said it hasn't even been a week. We still have 'loose ends' to tie up so we're gonna have contact whether we like it or not.

 

It might not seem it, but this thread is helping so thank you.

 

I will say one thing, heartache is gonna happen no matter what.

 

Heartache is unavoidable, but you can reduce the pain by following the above. I could've been more firm saying that when my ex left me, but I still got the general point across, haven't heard a word since the BU. Only one FB like and one Snapchat story view. That's it. And tbh, so long as she's not trying to come back, I'm okay with that

[avriltreize]

Heartache is unavoidable, but you can reduce the pain by following the above. I could've been more firm saying that when my ex left me, but I still got the general point across, haven't heard a word since the BU. Only one FB like and one Snapchat story view. That's it. And tbh, so long as she's not trying to come back, I'm okay with that

 

I'm not going to set a time frame here but I am going to give myself just a little more time for right now. Eventually it's going to happen and I've accepted that and I think that's a start.