Janalily Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 So I broke up with my bf of a year 2 days ago because something in me clicked and I had enough. I basically started a fight because ever since we met I saw him have the tinder and bumble more than a hand full of times. He would download and then delete. He would also add the girls from their on his Snapchat and I even saw one his WhatsApp so apparently he also added numbers.... Everytime I saw the app I always started the fight and he would always make an excuse and never owned up to it and would turn the blame on me saying I don’t trust him etc.... so after each time we fought he would sorta manipulate and tell me he’s done with our relationship cause I don’t trust him and then I would say sorry and then we would make up. Even though he did wrong.... Also throughout the relationship he would stalk his ex gfs Instagram everyday because I saw his history. He also denied and kept saying it’s his friend but I know it’s his ex. He broke up with her 6 months before he met me because she cheated on him and he always kept her pictures saved on his phone and always kept telling me he will do revenge to her because she hurt him. Seeing him stalk his ex always made me feel sad and uneasy because I want to be the number one girl in his head.... So 2 days ago on the new year I exploded. Just spoke my mind through text and told him I’m tired of this and of course he denied... and put blame on me and said I’m obsessive and broke it off with me first by saying he is done...... because he knows he did wrong. And now I feel so much guilt and I’m sad and wanted to ask you guys if I did the right thing by starting this fight and ending the relationship? He never met up with the girls I know 100% but having his profile up/updating his pics and talking to girls on there is cheating to me:( what do you guys think? Is it cheating ?
SophieG Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 So I broke up with my bf of a year 2 days ago because something in me clicked and I had enough. I basically started a fight because ever since we met I saw him have the tinder and bumble more than a hand full of times. He would download and then delete. He would also add the girls from their on his Snapchat and I even saw one his WhatsApp so apparently he also added numbers.... Everytime I saw the app I always started the fight and he would always make an excuse and never owned up to it and would turn the blame on me saying I don’t trust him etc.... so after each time we fought he would sorta manipulate and tell me he’s done with our relationship cause I don’t trust him and then I would say sorry and then we would make up. Even though he did wrong.... Also throughout the relationship he would stalk his ex gfs Instagram everyday because I saw his history. He also denied and kept saying it’s his friend but I know it’s his ex. He broke up with her 6 months before he met me because she cheated on him and he always kept her pictures saved on his phone and always kept telling me he will do revenge to her because she hurt him. Seeing him stalk his ex always made me feel sad and uneasy because I want to be the number one girl in his head.... So 2 days ago on the new year I exploded. Just spoke my mind through text and told him I’m tired of this and of course he denied... and put blame on me and said I’m obsessive and broke it off with me first by saying he is done...... because he knows he did wrong. And now I feel so much guilt and I’m sad and wanted to ask you guys if I did the right thing by starting this fight and ending the relationship? He never met up with the girls I know 100% but having his profile up/updating his pics and talking to girls on there is cheating to me:( what do you guys think? Is it cheating ? I was in a situation like yours! With a guy for 4 years, lived together 2 and half. When we moved in together, things were hard, we fought a lot. I’m not the type to check phones but I just had doubts so I did and found out he was talking to girls from dating apps. We had a massive fight, but silly me, I forgave him and our relationship was great again. Fast forward to 1.5 year later. He’s asleep on the couch but his cellphone is open. I don’t recognize the app, but it’s conversation with only girls. He denies it for an hour before telling me the truth; he’s been talking to girls for a month, sexual conversations and exchange of photos. I’m livid, confused, heartbroken... we talk for hours and decide to stay together. After that, it wasn’t the same. My trust wasn’t there anymore, we wasn’t coming home every night, disappeared for 72 hours without a text or anything. So we ended it after 4 years. I’m telling you all this because I’ve been in your shoes, and believe me, it is the right decision!!! It might hurt right now, but that is a slippery slope. He doesn’t meet them, but it is a constant temptation. You’re going to worry that the next fight is going to be the one that pushes him over the edge. Don’t go back to him! It won’t change. Think about yourself in this. I was unhappy and always worried and jealous (I’m not the jealous type to begin with), but this whole situation turned me into someone I didn’t even recognize. I think breaking up is the right thing to do for yourself 1
Author Janalily Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 I was in a situation like yours! With a guy for 4 years, lived together 2 and half. When we moved in together, things were hard, we fought a lot. I’m not the type to check phones but I just had doubts so I did and found out he was talking to girls from dating apps. We had a massive fight, but silly me, I forgave him and our relationship was great again. Fast forward to 1.5 year later. He’s asleep on the couch but his cellphone is open. I don’t recognize the app, but it’s conversation with only girls. He denies it for an hour before telling me the truth; he’s been talking to girls for a month, sexual conversations and exchange of photos. I’m livid, confused, heartbroken... we talk for hours and decide to stay together. After that, it wasn’t the same. My trust wasn’t there anymore, we wasn’t coming home every night, disappeared for 72 hours without a text or anything. So we ended it after 4 years. I’m telling you all this because I’ve been in your shoes, and believe me, it is the right decision!!! It might hurt right now, but that is a slippery slope. He doesn’t meet them, but it is a constant temptation. You’re going to worry that the next fight is going to be the one that pushes him over the edge. Don’t go back to him! It won’t change. Think about yourself in this. I was unhappy and always worried and jealous (I’m not the jealous type to begin with), but this whole situation turned me into someone I didn’t even recognize. I think breaking up is the right thing to do for yourself Thank you so so so much for your response!!!! I was in the exact same situation!!!! And I never felt relaxed and had trust issues after seeing the app stuff and then he blames me for having trust issues when he’s the one who started them. Thank you again!! I’m glad I cut it off!!
SophieG Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Thank you so so so much for your response!!!! I was in the exact same situation!!!! And I never felt relaxed and had trust issues after seeing the app stuff and then he blames me for having trust issues when he’s the one who started them. Thank you again!! I’m glad I cut it off!! Do yourself a favor and cut contact! Like I said, I became someone I wasn’t because I constantly thought he was texting girls or wondered where he was and all. I’m not saying I’m a Saint... FAR from it, I have my faults in this, but to me, you don’t fix your relationship by talking to other women. I recognized my part in the problem (I was more distant, stressed and moody so the sex and affection was low... he seeked attention somewhere else), but in the end, we reached a point of no return. We broke up in May, and in June he tried to get back with me. He realized the mistake he made and bla bla bla. Keeps texting me sometimes, will talk to my friends, he even went to my best friend parent’s house to cry. I stood my ground and did not take him back. I met someone else and for the last 6 months, it’s been amazing. So my advice, move on. Take time for yourself. Focuse on YOU!!! You deserve better.
Author Janalily Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 Do yourself a favor and cut contact! Like I said, I became someone I wasn’t because I constantly thought he was texting girls or wondered where he was and all. I’m not saying I’m a Saint... FAR from it, I have my faults in this, but to me, you don’t fix your relationship by talking to other women. I recognized my part in the problem (I was more distant, stressed and moody so the sex and affection was low... he seeked attention somewhere else), but in the end, we reached a point of no return. We broke up in May, and in June he tried to get back with me. He realized the mistake he made and bla bla bla. Keeps texting me sometimes, will talk to my friends, he even went to my best friend parent’s house to cry. I stood my ground and did not take him back. I met someone else and for the last 6 months, it’s been amazing. So my advice, move on. Take time for yourself. Focuse on YOU!!! You deserve better. Thank you so much! I just cut contact! Last thing I told him was I’m on tinder now haha. Honestly I think it even had nothing to do with you being moody or w.e ,some guys are just always gonna be players even if they have the perfect girl. I’m so happy that you found a great guy now though!!! Thanks again for the support and advice
snowboy91 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 So in summary, you were in a relationship with a guy that stalked his ex and talked to other girls on dating apps. It wasn't physical cheating, but the intention was there... and either way he wasn't invested at all in your relationship. Just... wow. You deserve way better than that, and you were absolutely right to walk away. 1
Author Janalily Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 So in summary, you were in a relationship with a guy that stalked his ex and talked to other girls on dating apps. It wasn't physical cheating, but the intention was there... and either way he wasn't invested at all in your relationship. Just... wow. You deserve way better than that, and you were absolutely right to walk away. Thank You so much for your response!!
ExpatInItaly Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 This guy is a clown. You should have walked away a while ago, but it's certainly better late than never. He doesn't give a crap about you. 1
Author Janalily Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 This guy is a clown. You should have walked away a while ago, but it's certainly better late than never. He doesn't give a crap about you. Thank you
Rayce Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 You are doing the right thing... Deactivate your social media for awhile so he can't stalk you and get some sort of revenge on you either. That is very alarming! You should be concerned with statements like that. I had a stalker one time and it ended with him breaking into my home and car causing over $10,000 worth of damage... so don't take statements like those lightly! I am 1 month NC today for a similar story. I started NC because of the amount of jealous the guy was bringing up in me over social media. I am still feeling very upset at how I lost it and vent vile things to him via text message before going NC. I am what is considered an "empath" and emotions like jealousy are just too much for me to deal with... so exit stage left! It hurts like hell but I love myself too much to have people who make me feel like that in my life.
na27 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I'm going through something super similar. I was dating an ex (bad idea to begin with) for about five months and a month ago while he was swiping through his phone, I saw the Tinder app. I confronted him and felt sick to my stomach, but he said similar excuses like your bf, claiming up and down that he barely uses it and if he does it is something he uses when he is bored because getting matches is fun. I let it go until a few days ago I found out that he had a date planned with a girl he met on Tinder who he also had on Snapchat. I feel your pain and frustration! It is such a hard situation. I don't have any particular advice because I am currently dealing with the same awful thing. But just know you are not alone! Venting helps a bit and I've found it makes me feel better when I vent. Hope things get easier for both of us soon!
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