stellaluna245 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 I've gone out with a guy a few times and met up with his friends and my friends another time. I enjoy his company and we have a lot in common but I don't think I feel any romantic feeling towards him. We've kissed and it was fine but nothing special, no spark. Shouldn't feelings have developed by now? He's a good guy and decent looking and I feel like I might miss out by not pursuing this but I don't want to waste either of our time if I don't have romantic feelings towards him. Advice?
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Put yourself in his shoes. Would you like it that someone went through the motions of dating but didn't have any romantic feelings towards you while you were growing quite fond of him? He will undoubtedly be very sore if you continue seeing him. Sounds to me he's really liking you a lot. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) A few times alone?...how many...and where did you go on your dates...i would say give it time...you can try doing some romancing of your own .....romantic setting.....find out more about him...takes two to romance..sometimes you have to work at it.....you could try setting it some romantic get together... see how it goes.....you may feel more then.....definitely one on one time .....deb Edited January 4, 2019 by todreaminblue
Lotsgoingon Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Just my experience ... any time I had to talk myself into dating someone ... they're nice, they're pretty ... what's wrong with me!? ... things never worked out, something fundamental (visceral attraction) was missing. Here's the thing: you can't really analyze this absence to "fix" this ... Rather, you have to be honest about how you're feeling it. We either feel this deep attraction or we don't. Now ... sometimes feelings can emerge and surprise us ... I've gotten attracted to acquaintances or coworkers over time. But I didn't force these changes at all--they surprised me. I had an ex who felt about me as you feel about this guy now. She said I treated her better than any man she had ever dated ... and ... ultimately she admitted, she just didn't feel it for me ... What's interesting, as Smackie alludes to, is that I felt the missing attraction. Great words about me, she uttered ... but attention, eagerness to see me, eagerness to be affectionate, just the sense that she took deep selfish pleasure in being with me--those qualities were all missing. You can go out again if you want, but just remind yourself, if you're not feeling it for him, you will suffer as you force yourself to be in the relationship and he will suffer from dating a person who isn't clambering and rushing to be with him. BTW: looking back ... other people (particularly older, experienced people) could tell when I wasn't really into someone I was dating ... and I'm talking about people I dated who I LIKED a lot, people I thought were wonderful in many ways. Other people could also tell when I was truly thrilled to be with someone. My brother met the ex who wasn't into me ... he figured out in 20 minutes of time with her, me and him, that I was REALLY into her. He didn't sense that she was really into me. Something about body language and energy of missing attraction is noticeable. You can't really fake it. Oh, that ex of course broke up with me. She confessed at the breakup that during the entire time of our dating, she had struggled with the lack of spark. She had questioned herself and wondered if the spark was missing because she was not used to being with someone so available and present and warm. You don't need to justify why you're not feeling a spark. You simply need to pay attention to it. Seriously, I'm so glad that ex broke up with me. Dating someone who isn't feeling a spark only triggers serious insecurities and neediness ... You end up working hard because you sense the missing spark. And it's all for naught. 1
Geraltt Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 *Spark* is over-rated. It's dependent upon feelings. And feelings lie. All the time. They can mislead you based on the weather, if you're hungry, tired, stressed or just haven't had enough coffee yet. 1
alphamale Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 go out once or twice more to see what happens. if you still don't get the "spark" then move on
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Don't kiss him to follow his lead, kiss him because you have the desire to.
Mac0908 Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If you have to come here and ask about not feeling a spark, there's no spark. When the spark is there, you know it after a few dates max, and it's no question. Take it from someone who's been out with over 100 different women in his life.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 If you have to come here and ask about not feeling a spark, there's no spark. When the spark is there, you know it after a few dates max, and it's no question. Take it from someone who's been out with over 100 different women in his life. I have dated a number of women over the past 30 years too Mac0908. I would take it one step further and state that a real "spark" happens instantly the first time you meet someone new, and it has to be mutual
rightondude Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 do you ever want this man to rip your clothes off you and freak you wild? If not, move on. 1
Mac0908 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 I have dated a number of women over the past 30 years too Mac0908. I would take it one step further and state that a real "spark" happens instantly the first time you meet someone new, and it has to be mutual To each his own. IMO while sometimes it needs to develop (though 3 dates max), there definitely has to be some significant attraction/good chemistry early on. With my ex of two years, I didn't really get hooked until 3-4 dates in.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 You just answered your question yourself. It's not your fault that you don't feel a spark. And it's not his fault either. Sometimes, in life, when we do everything right, things still get wrong. It's life. I've gone out with a guy a few times and met up with his friends and my friends another time. I enjoy his company and we have a lot in common but I don't think I feel any romantic feeling towards him. We've kissed and it was fine but nothing special, no spark. Shouldn't feelings have developed by now? He's a good guy and decent looking and I feel like I might miss out by not pursuing this but I don't want to waste either of our time if I don't have romantic feelings towards him. Advice?
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