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My Husband Would Get Mad if I Use Social Media Apps

Germanshepluv

By Germanshepluv
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Germanshepluv New Member

Germanshepluv

Posted
Posted (edited)

I got an app where I can meet new friends but he gets mad at me and thinks I’m lookimg for something new. What should I say to him so he won’t get mad? I’m in my 20s and I feel sheltered. He don’t like when I make friends. But I want friends. Please help. He says if I make male friends then he will make female friends and everything I do, he will do. I just want female or male friends from the app is all. Also he gets upset if I upload pics of myself to Instagram cus he thinks I’m trying to get attention. Is there any way so he won’t find out when it comes to these apps?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Look, I hate to be the one to tell you, but isolating you is the first thing abusers do. You can't live like that, doing only him! You should see friends and family and take no guff from him about it -- or up and leave!

Starswillshine Established Member

Starswillshine

Posted
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I dont know about this app, but I wouldnt like SO using apps to meet people.

 

I also agree with the other poster, isolating you is the first sign of abuse.

 

Do you have any friends you could meet not by apps? Work? Etc?

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
He says if I make male friends then he will make female friends and everything I do, he will do.

 

That's really mature... (I'm being sarcastic, but seriously - that's a very immature way for him to deal with the conflict).

 

I don't know anything about this app. Would I ever stay with a boyfriend who tells me who I can/can not be friends with or what I can/can not put on social media? Absolutely not.

 

That said, I would show the respect to my partner not to be making a number of male friends on social media apps... Most definitely.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet people and develop new friendships, outside of your relationships. It's all about who those people are, how you go about doing it, and what kind of boundaries you place on those relationships... And ultimately, what kind of respect you show your partner and how you value your relationship.

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Germanshepluv New Member

Germanshepluv

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
That's really mature... (I'm being sarcastic, but seriously - that's a very immature way for him to deal with the conflict).

 

I don't know anything about this app. Would I ever stay with a boyfriend who tells me who I can/can not be friends with or what I can/can not put on social media? Absolutely not.

 

That said, I would show the respect to my partner not to be making a number of male friends on social media apps... Most definitely.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet people and develop new friendships, outside of your relationships. It's all about who those people are, how you go about doing it, and what kind of boundaries you place on those relationships... And ultimately, what kind of respect you show your partner and how you value your relationship.

 

What should I do so I won’t get caught? I’ve only used social media apps to make friends pretty much. Then I met them but Not much people I can make friends from offline. He would think I lost interest in him and find something new which isn’t true.

 

Yes he’s too overprotective of what I do. That’s the only bad part about him.

Edited by Germanshepluv
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
What should I do so I won’t get caught?

 

He would think I lost interest in him and find something new which isn’t true.

 

Excuse me?

 

You missed the point of my post. I would not advise you to make and meet male "friends" on an app. To do so is very disrespectful to your boyfriend.

 

To keep these male "friends" secret from your boyfriend is ridiculously disrespectful.

 

If you want to make female friends, join a class, find a running group, ask a coworker to meet for coffee. Do whatever you like... If your boyfriend has a problem with you making female friends, then he is definitely trying to isolate and control you and you need to dump him - ASAP!

 

But, meeting men online and keeping those men secret from your boyfriend is an asinine thing to do... A definite way to find yourself single and available to make as many male friends as you like...

 

As I said, I would not make friends because my boyfriend told me not to do so. I would not seek male friends online because I value my relationship with my boyfriend and I want to treat him with the respect and consideration that he deserves, as such.

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 2
snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

Posted
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Excuse me?

 

You missed the point of my post. I would not advise you to make and meet male "friends" on an app. To do so is very disrespectful to your boyfriend.

 

To keep these male "friends" secret from your boyfriend is ridiculously disrespectful.

 

If you want to make female friends, join a class, find a running group, ask a coworker to meet for coffee. Do whatever you like... If your boyfriend has a problem with you making female friends, then he is definitely trying to isolate and control you and you need to dump him - ASAP!

 

But, meeting men online and keeping those men secret from your boyfriend is an asinine thing to do... A definite way to find yourself single and available to make as many male friends as you like...

 

As I said, I would not make friends because my boyfriend told me not to do so. I would not seek male friends online because I value my relationship with my boyfriend and I want to treat him with the respect and consideration that he deserves, as such.

 

I think this answers that part...

I just want female or male friends from the app is all.

 

The point OP is trying to make is that she is feeling isolated and is using this app (caveat: haven't heard of it, but she's making it out to NOT be a dating app) to try and meet new people. She's looking solely for friendship - it's a lot of effort (and not at all necessary in my opinion) to cut out half of the population because they're male.

 

His approach to this situation is very immature:

 

He don’t like when I make friends. But I want friends. Please help. He says if I make male friends then he will make female friends

 

OP you deserve to have a good strong friendship group, as does everyone, and I think it's healthy to have a strong network of male and female friends. I'm a little concerned about this controlling behaviour, what does he expect you to do? Just sit around and only talk to him? If you want to make friends and he's not allowing you to do that, at the very least he isn't the right guy for you. At worst it's borderline abusive.

  • Like 1
Sooflymami New Member

Sooflymami

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He won’t let me go live online on Instagram or any live broadcasting apps WITH other males. But other males want to join me live. He said females are fine but if he sees me talking with any males then he’ll get angry at me. Any suggestions what to do? I just wanna have normal convo like how others talk, that’s it

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
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it's a lot of effort (and not at all necessary in my opinion) to cut out half of the population because they're male.

 

While I don't disagree in any way with much of what you have said, would you honestly be ok if you girlfriend was meeting men online, spending time together, and developing relationships with other men...

 

As I said previously, it's all about the ability to maintain healthy boundaries. When the response is, "how do I continue to do this and keep it secret from my boyfriend...." That says to me, there are not going to be any healthy boundaries in this situation. From either partner...

 

No, if OP plans to meet men and keep it secret from her boyfriend, there is honesty, transparency, trust, or communication... And that's not the basis for a healthy relationship that is going to last long term. It would be better to end the relationship and make as many male and female friends as you would like to have...

Edited by BaileyB
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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What should I do so I won’t get caught? I’ve only used social media apps to make friends pretty much. Then I met them but Not much people I can make friends from offline. He would think I lost interest in him and find something new which isn’t true.

 

Yes he’s too overprotective of what I do. That’s the only bad part about him.

 

Why can't you meet friends in real life? Do you work?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Why do you need to talk to other men?

  • Like 2
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Oops, husband - not boyfriend.

 

There are many questions here OP, why do you feel you are unable to meet people in real life? Does your husband object to any friendships/or just friendships with other men? And exactly what do you mean when you say he is "overprotective?"

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i dont what alternate world i live in...but to me its normal not to chat with other guys live when you have a husband to talk to any time you feel like it.....deb

  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

Posted
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It appears we have an international member with social media issues. I saw a duplicate account posting a similar inquiry but preserved their content and the responses and merged into this existing thread. Consider Sooflymami and the thread starter to be one and the same. Thanks and please continue!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Only-yours Established Member

Only-yours

Posted
Posted
That's really mature... (I'm being sarcastic, but seriously - that's a very immature way for him to deal with the conflict).

 

I don't know anything about this app. Would I ever stay with a boyfriend who tells me who I can/can not be friends with or what I can/can not put on social media? Absolutely not.

 

That said, I would show the respect to my partner not to be making a number of male friends on social media apps... Most definitely.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet people and develop new friendships, outside of your relationships. It's all about who those people are, how you go about doing it, and what kind of boundaries you place on those relationships... And ultimately, what kind of respect you show your partner and how you value your relationship.

 

But what if your boyfriend posts his pic and makes female friends? Then you would start screaming "He's cheating! He's cheating!", right?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
I got an app where I can meet new friends but he gets mad at me and thinks I’m lookimg for something new. What should I say to him so he won’t get mad? I’m in my 20s and I feel sheltered. He don’t like when I make friends. But I want friends. Please help. He says if I make male friends then he will make female friends and everything I do, he will do. I just want female or male friends from the app is all. Also he gets upset if I upload pics of myself to Instagram cus he thinks I’m trying to get attention. Is there any way so he won’t find out when it comes to these apps?

 

You say here you want to make new friends but in your other post you said you want male friends. Why do you want male friends instead of female friends?

The Dude Abides Established Member

The Dude Abides

Posted
Posted

Hello

 

I’m approaching mid-50’s in age and the whole social media thing passed me by. I really don’t understand the appeal nor do I know what any of it is other than FB and a few other obvious examples.

 

With that said, my thought is the same as an earlier poster who said this controlling behavior by your husband is abusive.

 

I also think that if a marriage is strong and solid, and it is properly conducted, then neither spouse needs to worry about anything because they know the other spouse will do the right thing at all times. I can tell you from my experience what a relief it is that I never have to worry about my spouse and what she is doing and she never has to worry about me. My first marriage was NOT like that and it certainly helps me to appreciate what I have now.

 

Just the other day my wife was telling us a story at dinner about something that happened and she referred to a male person as “...and so my friend from work said...etc etc”. And of course I didn’t have to think anything of it until just now to use as an example.

 

So, somehow you need to work through this with your husband so you both have the level of trust that is a foundation for a strong marriage . Because you are young maybe at this point you cant lead that discussion with him alone but might be best served to have an older couple help out or maybe a marriage counselor?

 

You have my best wishes for resolving this and I hope things improve for both you and your husband.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
But what if your boyfriend posts his pic and makes female friends? Then you would start screaming "He's cheating! He's cheating!", right?

 

Which is why I am saying - "Don't do it!"

snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

Posted
Posted
While I don't disagree in any way with much of what you have said, would you honestly be ok if you girlfriend was meeting men online, spending time together, and developing relationships with other men...

 

Good question! :) If my GF was meeting men online for the sake of meeting them and was really secretive about it, I might have a problem with that. But if she was trying to meet people that share a common hobby that I don't share (for example, a particular kind of music or art I don't like) I wouldn't try and stop her if the people in question were male. I'd still be wary, sure, but if I was included in their catch ups occasionally and see them interact that would make me worry less. Context is really important.

IndigoNight Established Member

IndigoNight

Posted
Posted (edited)

Personally, I never lie to my husband about my friends. If they happen to be male, he is welcome to talk to them (and often does, about "guy things"). Because I dont hide anything, he doesn't get jealous. General rule, if you have to lie or sneak, you know you're doing something you shouldn't.

 

Have FRIENDS, you and your BF set reasonable boundaries that you both agree with, and keep things open and honest. It really can be that simple;if you allow it to be

Edited by IndigoNight
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted (edited)

First, there is no reason to be using technology to make new opposite sex friends. They will be a threat to your marriage. Even if your motives are pure, these new guys in your life will think that you are open to having sex. Best not to risk it.

 

If you want to make new female friends, start conventionally. Who is in your neighborhood? Plus where are your childhood friends? Can you reconnect with them?

 

Your desire to be on these apps behind your husband's back is eroding the foundation of your marriage. In a marriage you need to be up front & transparent. Sneaking around to do anything other then possibly plan a surprise party is a bad idea.

 

Do talk to your husband. Explain that you feel isolated & lonely. Come up with wholesome things you can do to fill that void: take a class, get a job, volunteer, join a club etc. Also see if you & he can find other couples that you can both be friends with.

 

Your husband is over the top with his idea that you posting to IG is cheating, unless you are doing it to garner male attention. If you are just chatting with people you already know in real life, he needs to simmer down.

Edited by d0nnivain
L0nely Member

L0nely

Posted
Posted
Is there any way so he won’t find out when it comes to these apps?

 

 

So you want to be secretive about the apps? In just a simple relationship, you can keep some secrets from your bf/gf. But in marriages, spouses should not keep secrets from each other. I believe that you are just bored and your motives is just to make friends, but being secretive does not lead to any good results. d0nnivain made a very good point.

 

 

 

Even if your motives are pure, these new guys in your life will think that you are open to having sex. Best not to risk it.

 

Your desire to be on these apps behind your husband's back is eroding the foundation of your marriage. In a marriage you need to be up front & transparent. Sneaking around to do anything other then possibly plan a surprise party is a bad idea.

 

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