Mixed Messages! Does he sound interested?

[milialia]

My ex bf and I broke up because arguing and tough situations with his family and health situations where we argued and broke up and he was hurt that I left and took me back a couple times and wouldn't later because I hurt him by leaving him during tough times. So but when we see eachother at church he's a deacon there on stage he constantly stares at me, fidgets, leaves through my exit on purpose and says hi. I tried saying let's meet after I hadn't seen him for a while at church he said "it won't work today and that he had to take his dad to alteration etc" I didn't ask for another day and he didn't offer, could it be that he wants to as well but didn't say so because he's hurt? Why does he still try to come by and say hi, stare at me so hard, act nervously and smiling when talking to me but in text act like this? All of his body language signs say he's interested with his nervous fidgeting, when opening the curtain first thing he does is check to see if i'm still there.

 

Prior to the last text(December), in August my friend texted him from my phone that i miss you and he went on long essay rants about how i've hurt him and didn't apologize in timely manner allowing the person to suffer etc. He went on to ask how would it be different this time etc i said better than before since experiences make a person better. He was more invested with his responses i was more direct and short. I think he may have been playing hardball he went on to say i've spent all this year working on myself, focusing on my health, work bettering myself. I'm sorry i don't want to put myself in a situation to be hurt again. So to you what does that sound like? Like I want you but i'm scared no?

 

I said i don't want to hurt you and the purpose isn't to hurt you he didn't respond until few hours later (12 am_ saying he fell asleep. I was stupid because when I woke up i shouldve continued the topic but i said i just woke up and the convo was more daily stuff like it's hot etc, him asking if i had a ac and that i should ask the landlord to install one. Then he said he had to go for a run and the convo ended there. Couple days later i got upset, bc i mentioned i was going on a trip and he didn't even text to say safe trip so i texted him "despite everything i tried giving benefit of the doubt but it was useless bc he was still stuck in past resentment and bitterness. He just replied " Ok i'm not gonig to argue w/ you enjoy your trip". I got back from my trpi and avoided his stares at church and that's when he'd come down the stares make small talk etc which eventually led me to ask him for the meet up i mentioned above. Is he interested or not? im sick and tired of trying

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Mixed messages to me have always been the guy not being interested. A guy who likes you will make it known.

[Garcon1986]

You are probably not justified in breaking up with him solely based upon arguments with family and health - it depends on what the content of those arguments was. What does it look it to a man 20 years down the road, if you leave a man because you didn't like his family or couldn't resolve arguments?

 

 

He is not completely over you if he is still fidgeting, but part of him doesn't want to be hurt again. What you are likely seeing is a man struggling to get over you.

The least painful way to go about things here is to leave this relationship behind, and then analyze why you initiated the breakup. There is usually a communication issue due to the inherent different ways that men and women think. Then - heal yourself, and go move on with your new knowledge. This relationship can no longer be healthy.

[milialia]

Mixed messages to me have always been the guy not being interested. A guy who likes you will make it known.

 

that's if you never dated, when there's history and context it's a different case

[preraph]

Uh, I would say he's not very interested anymore or he'd take the initiative. I mean, you have made clear you want him back, so the ball is in his court, and so far, he's just throwing it back to you and saying no.

 

I think his nervousness at church is him probably wishing he didn't have you there to deal with, honestly. It's like when you date at work and it doesn't work out but you still have to see them.

 

My best advice is you reached out, he said no. Leave him alone. Maybe find another church as well. Give the man some peace.

[Orokotikki]

duplicate post of https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/673433-mixed-messages-does-he-sound-interested

[Orokotikki]

My ex bf and I broke up because arguing and tough situations with his family and health situations where we argued and broke up and he was hurt that I left and took me back a couple times...

 

End the dramatic farce and let each other move on with your lives.

To your question he got wise to what's up and is done.

[milialia]

I don't think so. If he didn't like having me there he wouldn't go out of his way and leave through my exit when his car is parked on the other side and close to the left and not right exit, just to talk and say hi. So thanks but no thanks

[milialia]

duplicate post of https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/673433-mixed-messages-does-he-sound-interested

 

Uh, I would say he's not very interested anymore or he'd take the initiative. I mean, you have made clear you want him back, so the ball is in his court, and so far, he's just throwing it back to you and saying no.

 

I think his nervousness at church is him probably wishing he didn't have you there to deal with, honestly. It's like when you date at work and it doesn't work out but you still have to see them.

 

My best advice is you reached out, he said no. Leave him alone. Maybe find another church as well. Give the man some peace.

 

 

Uhm did you miss the part about him being hurt? And if he didn't have any feelings at all after a year of seeing me he would've gotten over the nervousness so i don't think that the case. I"m a girl and i don't get nervous why would he a 34 year old man??? Some replies i swear, do you think before replying or do you just shoot something out out of boredom?!

[preraph]

I don't know why you asked if you didn't want to hear the responses.

 

Next, after you've insulted everyone, you'll be back on here lying and saying you got back together, just to try to make yourself look right.

[FMW]

We can't tell you if he's interested or not. Just straight up ask him. If he isn't willing to arrange time to actually talk to you then you know he doesn't want to take things any further, regardless of what feelings he may or may not still have for you.

 

Breakups are messy and painful. Sometimes we can be sure we don't want to be involved with that person anymore but it doesn't mean the anxiety and hurt go away immediately, so we stay very aware of the other person. That might be at the core of what you experiencing with him right now. Even if he does feel a compulsion to have contact with you it doesn't mean he wants any deeper involvement again. People often aren't predictable and sometimes actions just don't make sense. Don't assume you know what he or any other 34 year old man would do.

[ExpatInItaly]

How many times have you two broken up, OP? What is the source of these arguments that lead to relationship breakdown?

 

I am gathering that he is still attracted to you and wants to be able to open his heart and give it another chance, but his logic is overriding that and reminding him that you two haven't been working out as a couple. I would believe him when he says he doesn't want to get hurt again and isn't willing to actually put his heart on the line anymore.

 

Whatever the case, you can't bring about reconciliation on your own. He has to want it too, and right now, he doesn't want to get back together. So, I would stop reaching out and simply be civil when you see him at church. The nervousness will eventually stop.

[milialia]

it's been a year and the nervousness doesn't go away. I mea if he has no feelings, enough time has passed for him to act normally but he acts like a little boy with a crush

[basil67]

Uhm did you miss the part about him being hurt? And if he didn't have any feelings at all after a year of seeing me he would've gotten over the nervousness so i don't think that the case. I"m a girl and i don't get nervous why would he a 34 year old man??? Some replies i swear, do you think before replying or do you just shoot something out out of boredom?!

 

You say you're a girl and he's a 34yo man. Just how young are you? Could age difference be part of the problem?

[milialia]

My ex bf and I broke up because arguing and tough situations with his family and health situations where we argued and broke up and he was hurt that I left and took me back a couple times and wouldn't later because I hurt him by leaving him during tough times. So but when we see eachother at church he's a deacon there on stage he constantly stares at me, fidgets, leaves through my exit on purpose and catches up to say says hi when i try to avoid his stares. I tried saying let's meet after I hadn't seen him for a while at church he said "it won't work today and that he had to take his dad to alteration etc" I didn't ask for another day and he didn't offer, could it be that he wants to as well but didn't say so because he's hurt? Why does he still try to come by and say hi, stare at me so hard, act nervously and smiling when talking to me but in text act like this? All of his body language signs say he's interested with his nervous fidgeting, when opening the curtain first thing he does is check to see if i'm still there.

 

Prior to the last text(December), in August my friend texted him from my phone that i miss you and he went on long essay rants about how i've hurt him and didn't apologize in timely manner allowing the person to suffer etc. He went on to ask how would it be different this time etc i said better than before since experiences make a person better. He was more invested with his responses i was more direct and short. I think he may have been playing hardball he went on to say i've spent all this year working on myself, focusing on my health, work bettering myself. I'm sorry i don't want to put myself in a situation to be hurt again. So to you what does that sound like? Like I want you but i'm scared no?

 

I said i don't want to hurt you and the purpose isn't to hurt you he didn't respond until few hours later (12 am_ saying he fell asleep. I was stupid because when I woke up i shouldve continued the topic but i said i just woke up and the convo was more daily stuff like it's hot etc, him asking if i had a ac and that i should ask the landlord to install one. Then he said he had to go for a run and the convo ended there. Couple days later i got upset, bc i mentioned i was going on a trip and he didn't even text to say safe trip so i texted him "despite everything i tried giving benefit of the doubt but it was useless bc he was still stuck in past resentment and bitterness. He just replied " Ok i'm not gonig to argue w/ you enjoy your trip". I got back from my trpi and avoided his stares at church and that's when he'd come down the stares make small talk etc which eventually led me to ask him for the meet up i mentioned above.

 

TL;DR Is he interested, if not i dont think he would act nervous since it's not first time he's running into me at church but always and if it was just discomfort from seeing me it would've passed already. But why is he acting difficult?

[basil67]

Reading the text conversations you've been having with him, there's no possible way I can see him giving you another chance. The whole drama you created about him not wishing you a good trip only proved to him that he needs to avoid romantic entanglements with you.

 

As far as the acting nervous or awkward, it's because he's in a tough situation as deacon and seeing you whether he wants to or not. I guarantee that if you stop going to church, he will stop being awkward.

[milialia]

You are probably not justified in breaking up with him solely based upon arguments with family and health - it depends on what the content of those arguments was. What does it look it to a man 20 years down the road, if you leave a man because you didn't like his family or couldn't resolve arguments?

 

 

He is not completely over you if he is still fidgeting, but part of him doesn't want to be hurt again. What you are likely seeing is a man struggling to get over you.

The least painful way to go about things here is to leave this relationship behind, and then analyze why you initiated the breakup. There is usually a communication issue due to the inherent different ways that men and women think. Then - heal yourself, and go move on with your new knowledge. This relationship can no longer be healthy.

 

 

 

End the dramatic farce and let each other move on with your lives.

To your question he got wise to what's up and is done.

 

 

No, I'm 28

[ExpatInItaly]

it's been a year and the nervousness doesn't go away. I mea if he has no feelings, enough time has passed for him to act normally but he acts like a little boy with a crush

 

If you broke up a year ago and he's made no move to reconcile, then it seems quite evident that you're seeing signs of interest that just aren't there.

 

There is no reason why he would need to wish you a safe trip; you aren't his girlfriend and don't have that same position in his life anymore. It sounds like he's tired of the drama.

 

Don't read so much into his nervous demeanor. It's not as important as his lack of action in patching things up. Time to move on, girl.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

that's if you never dated, when there's history and context it's a different case

 

I've dated quite a bit. I always spent time analyzing mixed messages only to come up w/the same answer...disinterested.