jess060191 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Can you or has anyone completely gotten over an ex without moving onto someone new? Looking for other people's point of view or stories. I feel like the only way I will get over my ex is if I find someone new, which I do not feel like is the right way to do it, but in the past it is how it worked, unfortunately.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 yes, as time passes you let go of the pain, the hurt, the anger & you get over the EX, with or without a new love in place.
Arieswoman Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 No. That's not the way to do it. You need to take time out and grieve the loss of the relationship. When you are done then that is the time to move on. There is no time-line or rules as to how long this should take. Please, please do not use some other person to be a nice fluffy pillow for you while you deal with this, that just isn't fair on them. Counselling may help. Good luck x
Sarah_Smiles Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 I never started dating or sexing anyone new after my break up I am not of the mindset you need to get under another to get over the other, lol. It is more about taking you time instead, making you happy, working on you and then maybe being ready to meet another and start again without all of the ex's baggage creeping in.
Author jess060191 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 I am guessing it doesn't help that me and my ex talk almost everyday.... guys this has been officially over since October and I just feel like my feelings for him haven't changed at all. I've tried everything, exercising, taking up new hobbies, briefly tried dating someone, even therapy!
planb1973 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 This is a great question! For years I have always jumped right back into the dating pool after a break up. Sometimes I have not had success for a period of time but non the less I would be looking and back on the dating sites within a couple weeks. But most of the time I had someone new within weeks. My last break up came out of nowhere right dead smack in the middle of the honeymoon phase. I was devastated, as I did not see it coming. So I tried something new. I told myself no dates, no dating sites, no hooking up with ex's, no asking for a woman's phone #, nothing. I was to just do me for 6 months! It's been 5. I have not gone this long without so much as making out with a woman. It feels weird, and I do miss physical intimacy very much. But I know this is for the best. So what have I done? I have rekindeled some old friendships, finished a house project I've put off for years, read a couple great books, planed a trip to Africa, perged a lot of stuff that has been just sitting around. Basically I have re-found myself that had been lost in my desire to always have a romantic interest. Is it possible to get over someone without getting under someone. Yes! But its hard. I still think about that last heartbreak everyday. It took a couple months before I stopped waking up every morning with her on my mind. She still pops in my head throughout the day, but each week it gets less and less. As this was probably the most painful breakup, a good friend who happens to be a therapist and an ex of mine, asked me if she thought I was maybe grieving the loss of more than on relationship. I never really thought about it but realize that yes I think I am grieving all of them as I never gave myself enough time to full heal before jumping right back out there. Getting over someone takes time and work but mainly time. I know this time next year she will just be a memory and I will be stronger for taking the harder route.
planb1973 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 I am guessing it doesn't help that me and my ex talk almost everyday.... guys this has been officially over since October and I just feel like my feelings for him haven't changed at all. I've tried everything, exercising, taking up new hobbies, briefly tried dating someone, even therapy! Talking everyday is only extending the pain. It took me two months of being held on the emotional hook before I realized I had to free myself. I do not believe in permanent NC but you will not be free until you allow yourself to be free. Take some time, it is going to hurt like hell for a while. Think about it this way had you stopped communicating with your ex back in October you would be on your way to be feeling better and stronger by now. The constant communication is only extending the time of suffering. 1
Author jess060191 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 As this was probably the most painful breakup, a good friend who happens to be a therapist and an ex of mine, asked me if she thought I was maybe grieving the loss of more than on relationship. I never really thought about it but realize that yes I think I am grieving all of them as I never gave myself enough time to full heal before jumping right back out there. That's funny you say that because in the past, as soon as a man would reject me or dumped me, I would jump onto to the next guy. And with this guy I have not. So I do believe your friend is right that we never really gave ourselves enough time to fully heal from our other exes. And that I might be grieving them NOW. Which totally sucks haha.
Author jess060191 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 Talking everyday is only extending the pain. It took me two months of being held on the emotional hook before I realized I had to free myself. I do not believe in permanent NC but you will not be free until you allow yourself to be free. Take some time, it is going to hurt like hell for a while. Think about it this way had you stopped communicating with your ex back in October you would be on your way to be feeling better and stronger by now. The constant communication is only extending the time of suffering. I know, you are exactly right. I have heard this about a million times, it's daunting on how and why I can not let him go. Having hope can be so destructive. I almost wish that he would tell me to bang off or ignore me. Which yes would suck but I would get the hint, because apparently I can't seem to do the same.
Author jess060191 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 My goal in all this is to get over him without having to jump into a new man's arm.
Blanco Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 I'm notoriously slow to move on after a breakup, even if I ended it. Part of that is I don't enter exclusive relationships haphazardly, so it hurts when they end, regardless of who ended it. That said, I've found that the hurt of the breakup will linger in some capacity until the next serious candidate comes along. I do all the stuff you're supposed to: Reconnect with friends, try new things, self-reflect, exercise, etc. That all helps, but I would be lying if I said there wasn't a dash of hurt left until I met someone new. The way I see it, if you've put in the time and effort post-breakup, you're not really using another person if meeting someone new is what will finally get you past the last person.
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