RonnieFive Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 So I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. There was a short period of time 6 or 7 months ago where I was easy prey for women and at one point I fell victim. So yes, I cheated on my girlfriend. Easily the absolute most horrible thing I’ve ever done. The damage has been tremendous, well beyond anything I could have imagined. But I love my girlfriend dearly. And I *know* she loves me. So with every problem that has come up since then, we talk it out and ultimately become stronger each time. If we were to eliminate the small problems, we would have the healthiest relationship I have ever seen (which is reflected in our fantastically passionate sex life). This brings me to my current problem. She’s concerned about the skeletons in my closet. About little details or white lies that I didn’t tell her about, or things that I may have blatantly lied about. This is suddenly an issue right now because just earlier today I admitted that I had lied about hanging out with the other girl, *after* I’d gotten back together with my girlfriend. It honestly was just the girl showing up at the same place I was hanging out a couple times, and there wasn’t anything going on at that point, but I still lied to save face. So right now she’s taking a break from me for a few days. Nothing changing right now, but when she gives me that call and I next see her, she wants to either hear that I have absolutely nothing else to hide from her, or to divulge every f-ing thing. I’m torn between that choice because I want her to be so happy, but I know that bringing up things from the past could easily mess with her head more than I ever wish to do. The things I’d tell her wouldn’t be all that horrible, just like, “One time, when I told you that I flipped her off (months after we’d gotten back together)…well it was the thing I left out was that I did that at the concert that I drove hours to with friends and camped the night before and after at.” I knew it would disturb her at the time and I wasn’t man enough to tell her for some reason. Just like every other thing that I wanted to tell her about, but couldn’t bring myself to do. Just by writing all of this out, I obviously know that I have to make a list of the little things I can dig up and get them out there for two reasons. First, it’s an easy answer: be honest. You love her, so be honest. The second is because I’m retarded and occasionally say random things without realizing how damaging they are at the time. (“Oh, I forgot, I mislead you originally. Silly me.”) So I would like to clean out the closet. I would like to go back and be faced with the same situations to decide things with the mindset of the man I am today. I would like for none of this to ever have happened, but I was confused and stupid then, and honestly feel like I’m a different man after the innumerable lessons in life I have received. But if anyone has made it this far, I would like your thoughts at the very least. I’m terribly introverted and my girlfriend and I have done a good job of keeping this all out of the public eye, so simply put, I have no one except my girlfriend to give me any opinion on the subject.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 wow...you sound like my bf! and let me tell you it has taken me a year to get to the point where i am not feeling like i am being played. it is sooo hard to trust someone that lies to you, especially about stupid piddly crap......... And ommission of some facts,like: i hung out with my buddy joe....but you do not mention that jill was there because you know it may possibly piss someone off , That is STILL a lie. your best bet, would be to either tell her that truth, the whole truth....And do not make her fish for answers. tell her before it is even an issue, not after the fact. invite her to be with you more, prove to her that she is the only one you want, and if that means not seeing some of your friends for a month, well if she is worth it it, sacrifice 1 month. try not to think with your dick for a moment, and see where it gets you
RainyDayWoman Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 There was a short period of time 6 or 7 months ago where I was easy prey for women and at one point I fell victim. So yes, I cheated on my girlfriend. maybe you should try telling her in these words, and maybe she'll actually fall for it. personally, i find it laughable. you're hardly a victim, unless you were raped, which by your words, you were not. be a man and take responsibility. stop lying to your girlfriend. maybe she won't want to be with you, but she has the right to make that decision with the truth--and you'll just have to deal with it.
Author RonnieFive Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 Yeah, you're right, I have had problems being a man. It's actually been through many months of talking through everything with her that *we* were able to reach that conclusion. That doesn't absolve me from any sort of blame or guilt, but I know this girl was on the prowl for guys that have girlfriends. So being able to look back on it now, I can see exactly how I was played and how I played right into it. Had I been a man from the beginning, this would have never happened. Like I said, I've learned innumerable life lessons in a relatively short amount of time. I don't want to make excuses, and I really don't want to look like a little bitch even more, but this is my first sexual relationship that started sometime before I turned 22. And that's not because I had some high and mighty morals, but because I lacked knowledge about STDs (STIs), pregnancy and most importantly how to treat a lady and what to expect from the crazy ones. (Basically the same amount of info every one else has been fed, but considering the myriad of examples of how teen sex can go wrong, I think I was justifiably leery.) So I've been pretty inept. And by my judgment, I'm not quite a loser, because I've been dating a girl that owns a tattoo shop for almost 2 years, keeping her otherwise very happy. About the skeletons in the closet though. Just an hour or two after I posted the original message yesterday, she called me and I went over and told her everything. It was pretty tough because I was easily the only person to blame and I didn't have any reason for lying beyond being ashamed and awkward. But its all out and I feel much better. On the flip side, she's obviously distrustful at this point, and rightfully so. It just sucks because she should have left me the first time I screwed up and equally so for every time after that. I'm not sure what it is about me, I mean she's told me, but she also admits that the intensity of her attraction to me is inexplicable. God I love her so much. I just wish I was less clueless to begin with. Again, this is no excuse for anything. I've taken full responsibility and I've seen the worst, most vindictive nature of the resulting relationship because of it. But things are good today and although it gets threatened from time to time, the future still looks very good for me and my girl.
Author RonnieFive Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 Oh, and laRubia, I have stopped selfishly thinking with my penis. Since everything went down, I've pulled back from damn near all of the social situations that I've been affiliated with. Not just for a month or anything, I've completely stopped hanging out with anyone that knew anything about my girlfriend being so disrespected. It's none of their business and I refuse to hang out with anyone that the subject might casually come up with. The interesting thing is that our relationship is fairly unorthodox. We spend a lot of time together, but she hangs out with her friends that I have accidentally met only one of, and I (did) hang out with my friends. We're in a town that she grew up in and that I moved to only recently. So she has a lot of history rooted in this town and thus has tight homies that go back 10 years and more. So she has a large and exclusive crew that is pretty ruthless and rude with any newcomer. And frankly I don't care. I have no problem not screwing with what she's got going on. I'm naturally inclined to be a hermit, so at least I have a girl that loves me to go to each night. But yeah, because of that, no one knows who her boyfriend is, no one knows who my girlfriend is, and as a result, we seldom go into public together.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 17, 2005 Posted September 17, 2005 So you can handle cheating on your girlfriend, but you can't handle the repecussions or consequences? just so you know, rude posts get reported. you can't name call here. i can handle it, because i couldn't care less what a poor excuse for a man thinks of me, but i'm telling you for future reference.
Author RonnieFive Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 Fair enough. I was quick to say that and I do apologize. But basically I'll take my girlfriends crap, but I won't take yours. Thanks for your time.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 Fair enough. I was quick to say that and I do apologize. But basically I'll take my girlfriends crap, but I won't take yours. Thanks for your time. well, then you came to the wrong place. no one is going to coddle you here. you ask for advice, you're going to get it, no matter if you like it or not. sorry. hope you find happiness...and your manhood, since you said you have problems with that. good luck.
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