SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 My now ex boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months as of two days ago. Last weekend i caught him texting his ex. From the looks of the text he was just checking in on her and seeing how she was doing but my problem was the time of day he initiated the conversation. It was late that night. Nothing looked out of the ordinary in the text just some catching up questions. A few days after this my boyfriend went quiet on me (not replying to my texts or calls) .. only for me to open up my email and see that he had sent me an email and it was a breakup email. Saying how he couldn’t do this and he didn’t want to be together etc. he hasn’t responded back to the email i sent him and it’s been two days How do I find closure with an email to go on?
bathtub-row Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Wow! What a cowardly thing for him to do after dating you for that amount of time! What was your response to his email? I’m not sure I would’ve responded at all. As far as closure, you’re probably not going to get that from him but I’d say you dodged a bullet if this is how he handles things. He may have seemed great during the relationship but, you know, when people are pressured is when you see what they’re really made of. He showed you that he’s a coward and that he has no compassion if he can treat people in such a way. I know you’re hurting but I’d move on if I were you. He’s a louse. I dated a guy once who I thought was it. Then he showed me a really bad side to himself but I refused to see it. It was only years later that I understood that what he did was unconscionable and was actually glad we didn’t stay together. Your ex has done the same thing and you’ll understand one day what a complete s**t he is.
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 I guess he is not over his ex, he knows that and so he broke up with you. He actually said he doesn't want to be with you. What kind of "closure" are you looking for? 1
Mrs._December Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 I think his late night text to his ex, "just checking in to see how she's doing," was such an obvious ploy to engage her in conversation with the hopes of it going somewhere. And it sounds as though it worked because I suspect they've likely reconnected. I'm not sure if you were a rebound for him 9 months ago after he'd recently broken up with this ex, but I'm guessing you were. I'm sorry. Here's the thing. You don't get 'closure' from someone else. Make no mistake - he's a douche bag of the finest order with his cowardly little break up email. What an abysmal little weasel this guy is. But the 'closure' you seek is really just your need to tie this up in a neater more methodical fashion so you can understand what just happened and find a way to be ok with it. You're not going to get that from a loser like this guy. His type thinks it's perfectly fine to use people for relationships and the second he gets what he feels is a bigger better deal, he runs off to grab it and doesn't even look backward. He's a user. You don't need validation from a USER. You use this as a life lesson. You write it off as life experience and hopefully walk away having learned a positive lesson from it. Each person we're with leaves us (hopefully) with more life experience and a lesson learned. Perhaps there were red flags with this guy before the breakup that you'd chosen to ignore or decided to accept? Next time, you won't be so quick to ignore those flags. Chalk him up as an unpleasant life lesson and move forward with grace and dignity. 2
Author SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 I guess he is not over his ex, he knows that and so he broke up with you. He actually said he doesn't want to be with you. What kind of "closure" are you looking for? I mean he waited 9 months ? I’m confused he knew 9 months prior he wasn’t over her
Author SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 Wow! What a cowardly thing for him to do after dating you for that amount of time! What was your response to his email? I’m not sure I would’ve responded at all. As far as closure, you’re probably not going to get that from him but I’d say you dodged a bullet if this is how he handles things. He may have seemed great during the relationship but, you know, when people are pressured is when you see what they’re really made of. He showed you that he’s a coward and that he has no compassion if he can treat people in such a way. I know you’re hurting but I’d move on if I were you. He’s a louse. I dated a guy once who I thought was it. Then he showed me a really bad side to himself but I refused to see it. It was only years later that I understood that what he did was unconscionable and was actually glad we didn’t stay together. Your ex has done the same thing and you’ll understand one day what a complete s**t he is. I asked him “why” and he acts like he doesn’t know me he isn’t responding or anything
frankspeci Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 It's this type of cowardice and lack of decency that makes me frightened to get close to people. If that is the risk you run in such vulnerable situations. 9 months for a random email?! Disgusting. No excuse for that. OP I would leave it alone completely if I were you. Let time take care of things. Get him out of your head. Dont expose yourself to anymore mistreatment. I feel for you, but you'll be ok.
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 I mean he waited 9 months ? I’m confused he knew 9 months prior he wasn’t over her He didn't. He probably entered the relationship in good faith, but as time went on he realised you were not the one for him... I too guess that you were the rebound. 1
Author SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 He didn't. He probably entered the relationship in good faith, but as time went on he realised you were not the one for him... I too guess that you were the rebound. Dumpers have a rebound? He did tell me a it’ll about their relationship but he told me he’s the one who let her go
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Dumpers have a rebound? He did tell me a it’ll about their relationship but he told me he’s the one who let her go It depends on why he dumped her.
frankspeci Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Dumpers have a rebound? Definitely. I broke up with a girl who I was head over heels for because I realized she just wasnt that into me but wanted to get married to a "good guy." It really sucked but neither of us would have been happy. If i had managed to get a date in the months that followed, when I wasnt yet over her, it would have been a rebound. I dated a different girl who told me she broke up with her ex and she was hurt when he got into a relationship right after. She then told me she was waiting for him to become "a man" and hinted at wanting to be with him again because of their history. She dumped me a month or two later and mentioned her "spiritual connection" with her ex. It was charming. Guess I was her rebound. That being said; 9 months is a long time to be stringing someone along. Maybe his ex just got out of a relationship and he wanted to give it another shot. Maybe he thought he was missing something with her. You're at a big disadvantage when you're competing with an ex who's still in the picture, but the reason might not even be the ex at all. The point is I dont think you'll ever find out the real reason, and even if you do it might not even be something you should change. So no point making yourself miserable getting trapped in thought loops, or feeding ego with messages while damaging yours. I'd try to move on. 1
Giraffe-A Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Sorry this is happening to you especially in this time of the year. There’s really nothing more indicative of closure than the email. This time of season may have triggered some feelings about the ex and probably thinks there’s still something there. At this point, as hard as it may seem, respond saying you understand and thank him for being good to you. Don’t contact him again and dont tell him you saw his texts. He’ll probably get out of his funk, realize why he broke up with this girl and try to come back. It’ll be up to you then what you want to do.
Saracena Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 At this point, as hard as it may seem, respond saying you understand and thank him for being good to you. . Erm......no, in view of callous way he ended it. OP Really sorry this has happened to you. This guy sounds like a right ***** and truly, although it's hard to see this now, you're better off without him. Should he ever have the nerve to want to come back, then you know exactly what to do.....
Author SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 Definitely. I broke up with a girl who I was head over heels for because I realized she just wasnt that into me but wanted to get married to a "good guy." It really sucked but neither of us would have been happy. If i had managed to get a date in the months that followed, when I wasnt yet over her, it would have been a rebound. I dated a different girl who told me she broke up with her ex and she was hurt when he got into a relationship right after. She then told me she was waiting for him to become "a man" and hinted at wanting to be with him again because of their history. She dumped me a month or two later and mentioned her "spiritual connection" with her ex. It was charming. Guess I was her rebound. That being said; 9 months is a long time to be stringing someone along. Maybe his ex just got out of a relationship and he wanted to give it another shot. Maybe he thought he was missing something with her. You're at a big disadvantage when you're competing with an ex who's still in the picture, but the reason might not even be the ex at all. The point is I dont think you'll ever find out the real reason, and even if you do it might not even be something you should change. So no point making yourself miserable getting trapped in thought loops, or feeding ego with messages while damaging yours. I'd try to move on. This situation is a tad different he was talking to her when i initially met him but he felt like because of her family situation he wasn’t going to get anywhere with being with her. He did talk about her a lot in the beginning but i really never paid it too much attention
Author SunFeel Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 In a sense he kind of left her and thought i was a better deal
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 This situation is a tad different he was talking to her when i initially met him but he felt like because of her family situation he wasn’t going to get anywhere with being with her. He did talk about her a lot in the beginning but i really never paid it too much attention Sounds like he was kind of forced into dumping her so yes he will be hurt and yes you could be the rebound. He did talk about her a lot in the beginning but i really never paid it too much attention Well that was silly of you... Big red flag.
Gretchen12 Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 A guy that does this is the worst kind to marry or have a LTR with. Extremely selfish, callous, cruel, cowardly, shameless. This guy sucks. I wouldn't want a man who has done this to anyone in his past. Just move on.
Giraffe-A Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Erm......no, in view of callous way he ended it. OP Really sorry this has happened to you. This guy sounds like a right ***** and truly, although it's hard to see this now, you're better off without him. Should he ever have the nerve to want to come back, then you know exactly what to do..... Being polite has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with her. She’s talking about closure and I get it. She’ll get it by accepting the breakup. This bozo will probably reach back out and she’ll be in a better place to get her answer, an apology and a chance to tell him to scram. Or you can call, text, email with anger and just be another crazy.
Author SunFeel Posted December 24, 2018 Author Posted December 24, 2018 Being polite has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with her. She’s talking about closure and I get it. She’ll get it by accepting the breakup. This bozo will probably reach back out and she’ll be in a better place to get her answer, an apology and a chance to tell him to scram. Or you can call, text, email with anger and just be another crazy. I already did the opposite and tried calling texting an emailing him back but i feel like I’m giving him an ego boost
elaine567 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 I already did the opposite and tried calling texting an emailing him back but i feel like I’m giving him an ego boost If he is a decent kind of guy probably not, but people do not usually dump people on a whim. If he is done enough to sit down and write you a break up email, there is nothing further left to discuss as far as he is concerned. You will not change his mind by flooding him with calls, texts and emails. Let it go. NC is your friend. 1
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 I already did the opposite and tried calling texting an emailing him back but i feel like I’m giving him an ego boost I doubt it...all it does is make him feel guilty and he cringes with every text/email/call you do.
Author SunFeel Posted December 25, 2018 Author Posted December 25, 2018 I doubt it...all it does is make him feel guilty and he cringes with every text/email/call you do. Thank you for reading/replying
Author SunFeel Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 My ex has recently attempted to get in contact with me 3 weeks ago so i blocked him from his phone number last night he texted me and i asked who it was and he said it was him he told me he changed his number ?
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 No but worse was his friends coming to my works (I worked at a club), begging for him to take him back. Just black/delete again.
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