PRW Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 In this case it sounds irrelevant if it was him or her whom brought up the bf/gf status; the point is that they “committed” to soon.True. She could have just said "Not yet,...ask me again in two weeks" and the problem would have been avoided. And I do encourage women to say something like that if that is the true way they feel. If we treat it like math, it doesn't matter who asks as long as both have reached the point where they are ready. But it isn't math, it is social interaction in a screwed up society that we live in. And in that screwed up society the majority of men overrun the natural pace that the process happens with the women. So to counter that tendency, the guy waits till the woman says something about it before he proceeds, and the problem is avoided. In the case of the solid confident guys who have their act together it is a mute point because they already do it correctly and at the correct pace,...they don't feel rushed or urgent, so they don't rush.
stillafool Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Well I am a woman who knows a ton of women and none of them that I know pursued their man for a relationship. They were courted, then asked to be their gf and most were asked to marry. Every guy I've been with has asked me not the other way around.
PRW Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 (edited) Well I am a woman who knows a ton of women and none of them that I know pursued their man for a relationship. They were courted, then asked to be their gf and most were asked to marry. Well there are a lot of layers to the onion. If I saw a "recording" of how they interacted over that time I'm confident I could see things you didn't see. I also indicated that confident masculine men don't have this problem, have better timing, and so it is a mute point in their cases. Marriage proposals and pursuing are a different conversation. Every guy I've been with has asked me not the other way around.Also, people aren't robots that if you plug in the right formula you get the right result. But there are good ideas and there are bad ideas, and the bad ideas usually come out bad. If you want a relationship to work you are better off focusing on the good ideas. Edited January 3, 2019 by PRW
Author willnotdoit Posted January 4, 2019 Author Posted January 4, 2019 Thank you for all your comments! How do I break up with him? This might sound strange, I almost fear his response as I'm currently alone at home for the rest of the week. I guess if I'm fearing my safety, something is not right. The reason I say this is because I feel like he's easily angered, he's told me he's gotten into a lot of fist fights with men etc.
PRW Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) Thank you for all your comments! How do I break up with him? This might sound strange, I almost fear his response as I'm currently alone at home for the rest of the week. I guess if I'm fearing my safety, something is not right. The reason I say this is because I feel like he's easily angered, he's told me he's gotten into a lot of fist fights with men etc. If you are that afraid then maybe you have a friend to stay with for a bit. Don't tell him you are there, just let him think you are home. Break up with him right before you leave. If he doesn't go nuts then it is ok to go back home later. If he goes nuts a restraining order is pretty easy to get. If nothing else find excuses that you can meet with him this week. Then break up when you aren't home alone. Edited January 4, 2019 by PRW
bathtub-row Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) Yeah, you’ve got a real problem with this relationship if you’re actually afraid to end it. Have someone with you - preferably a guy - and meet him in a public place. Then stay with a friend or family for a few days. If he shows any signs of aggression or makes threats, contact the cops. Another option is to just call him and tell him. Anyone that makes you feel fearful doesn’t deserve a lot of considerations. Edited January 4, 2019 by bathtub-row
stillafool Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Thank you for all your comments! How do I break up with him? This might sound strange, I almost fear his response as I'm currently alone at home for the rest of the week. I guess if I'm fearing my safety, something is not right. The reason I say this is because I feel like he's easily angered, he's told me he's gotten into a lot of fist fights with men etc. Don't tell him in person tell him over the phone but not at your house. Have a friend with you for support when you tell him. 1
bathtub-row Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 Don't tell him in person tell him over the phone but not at your house. Have a friend with you for support when you tell him. I think this is the best idea. Btw, OP, if he has the ability to track you on your phone, be sure to turn that off.
greymatter Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 If you are afraid of how he may react, you should definitely not meet with him. Just tell him the relationship isn’t working out, and you wish him well. Over the phone is fine, but if you want a record of it then do it by text so you can screen shot it if you need it for documentation. You should not hesitate to call the police and your local domestic violence organization if you need help and support.
edgygirl Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) Have you taken a deep look into your psychological health? Much to my surprise I realized lately that I prob am afraid of abandonment (even if I am the one causing it to happen) due to childhood issues I don't really remember. It might cause one to stay in relationships longer than they should, trying to see the "good side" of the connection and being hopeful things will improve, if only... Side note: those things are really hard to find out as they're subconscious - I never thought I had any issue whatsoever. They reveal themselves after we go through relationships and start to see weird patterns that happen often. Edited January 4, 2019 by edgygirl
nodramallama Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 When you do talk to him (over the phone) chances are he's going to argue with you and get you all flustered. You don't owe him ANY reason, so try not to open the door for "discussion." Practice saying, "This relationship isn't working for me. I don't want to date you anymore," over and over. If he persists in trying to derail you, just hang up and block his number.
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