ChrisDan Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 After three months my GF told me over the phone that she didn't want a relationship, that she only wanted friendship with me. I took it reasonably well at the time, there were no big dramas, i made a joke out of certain things and that phone call went smoothly and amicably although i was very upset. The next day i felt the full weight of it and was distraught although later she did chat a little on IM and that eased the pain somewhat. In the following week she called twice, both very sweet and friendly, warm chats between us.....i felt that there was still a chance she could reconsider She then reached out saying she was finding things tough, and that we could go for a walk sometime, but only with her kids around. She reached out again suggesting another call a few days after....and from then on for the next week she was calling regularly again, saying 'Bye honey' at the end of each call, i felt we were back on track and i was happy again I then went over to see her on Christmas eve, gave her the gifts i'd bought her. It was initially awkward between us for the first hour but as she'd given me some whisky we both shared a little and sat next to one another, we kissed, held hands, i was stroking her leg and butt....it was like nothing had changed between us and we had a very cosy evening over six hours or so. She called again the next day at midnight, she sounded more aggressive and it was her doing all the talking, ranting about her ex, about this, about that. The next call was two days later......i was stressed for various family reasons and i expressed to her how tough i was finding the situation, she then proceeded to lecture me that i have to make things better for myself, to improve the circumstances, that i must get more exercise, do things for myself, don't shut myself away At the end of that call i felt she had patronised me a little, felt sorry for me, was getting on her high horse as if she knew best and had all the answers.....i regretted letting her know how stressed and frustrated i was, i felt weaker in her eyes and all i really wanted to do was have a fun chat with her, charm her, make her laugh. She called again the next night, it was late, i'd had a few beers and was well on the way to being drunk, she was a little drunk herself and initially we just chatted normally about various things that had happened to her that day.... Then she came out with it 'Let's be best friends forever' Because of my drunken state and the loss of control that brings i reacted to it by telling her that i love her, but she was dismissive, saying that when i meet another beautiful girl she'll be there as a friend. I didn't outright beg her but my emotions were too strong (normally i'd have been cool and used humour to diffuse the situation) I asked her if all the loving words she'd told me meant nothing, her calling me her soulmate etc.....she replied saying we were on different planes of existence, that she wanted someone strong and confident.......Ironic, as she'd always made the point that i seemed so confident and cool. She said that she felt she was all i had, and that there were plenty of men she could fall in love with. The call ended with her getting frustrated with me, she still said 'Bye honey' She then wrote a long message, repeating that she didn't want an intimate relationship, the she was sorry we ever did more than she can now give, that she'd led me down a path that can not be. Said she loved who i was and the wonderful man i was but she couldn't be my everything. I replied saying that we always had fun together, our calls were fun and it would be a shame to ruin that by being all dramatic with one another, that essentially we were always good friends. The next day we had a text chat and she tells me she's struggling with the kids and work, that she doesn't want pressure. I told her i don't want drama or to put pressure on her......she said it's all good. This last chat was on Sunday, since then she's messaged me just saying Happy new year, and i only replied to that with the same....i haven't messaged her, or called, she hasn't called or messaged since I really miss her, and it's hard not to have her close, hearing her voice, she was infatuated with me and i her through the three months but she backed off, came back a little then backed off again and now it's silence. I regret the last two calls as i think she was on the fence about us, and that call where i appeared stressed and weak, then me being drunk and emotional with her, it just ruined what chance i had.
PegNosePete Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 No you didn't ruin anything because the relationship was already over, done, ended. Now you have to accept that, stop mis-reading the situation and imagining "signs" that she wants to get back together! Because she has made it very clear that she doesn't.
preraph Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 She's not on the fence. She didn't stop you from stroking her only because she didn't want to face a conflict. She's been honest with you. She isn't attracted to you that way anymore. She likes you and that's it. She liked you more at first, but that's because we're all putting our best face on at first. Once she got to know you, she didn't like you as well and realized you were not the one. You already know you blew it acting so needy a couple of times. No big deal. We've all done it. But you don't do that with someone who has already told you they're not romantically interested in your anymore. You have to accept it. Women don't change their minds about this. Just because she doesn't want to be mean and slap you away doesn't mean she wasn't wishing you hadn't tried it.
ducksauce Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 I agree with the other commenters that it is very clear that the relationship is very much over. Move on. Perhaps you would benefit from a therapist.
Marc878 Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 She very nicely dumped you but you don't want to believe her. So you'll tag along getting breadcrumbs
Recommended Posts