miss2017 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I have been dating this guy for a couple of months and later on today we had a serious conversation about an issue between us and I told him it would be better if we don't see each other today so we both have time to think clearly about it. Later on we started to text about it and decided to solve things together. But then suddenly he stopped texting back hours ago. In my last message to him before he dissapeared I was asking him a question but he didn't even read it. I am worried and tried to call him but he didn't answer the phone. I am also getting a bit angry because if he did this on purpose it is not acceptable. You don't just dissapear and leave the other person worried like this. It's very childish! I can't leave the home now to go to his house see if he's ok, so don't know what to do. Any advice?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Do not go to his house. Do not call/text/email etc. I think he may be pulling a fade on you and if so he isn't worth your time.
emeraldgreen Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 In my experience, women process by talking. Men process by thinking and then coming back to the conversation. You told him you don't want to see him today but have tried to engage a number of times regardless. You should both take a breath. I wouldn't worry from a safety/welfare point of view. I would just try to pick it up in a day or so, face to face. Stay busy in the meantime. 1
Author miss2017 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 In my experience, women process by talking. Men process by thinking and then coming back to the conversation. You told him you don't want to see him today but have tried to engage a number of times regardless. You should both take a breath. I wouldn't worry from a safety/welfare point of view. I would just try to pick it up in a day or so, face to face. Stay busy in the meantime. I totally understand that, but I wouldn't do that to the other person. It's very easy to say something like "hey I'm going to just rest and think about it and won't be texting", instead of just ignoring the other and leave them worried.
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 But it's very clear he needs space. Men don't think like us. What you said below is a woman talking. I know cause I am one Go do some self soothing for anxiety (google it) so you're less anxious about him pulling away and let him come back when he's ready. I totally understand that, but I wouldn't do that to the other person. It's very easy to say something like "hey I'm going to just rest and think about it and won't be texting", instead of just ignoring the other and leave them worried.
losangelena Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I second everyone else. Give it some space to breathe. Yeah, he could’ve let you know in a better manner, and that’s something you get to decide if you want to deal with or not, but launching a full-scale effort to get him to respond is not the solution to this problem.
Gretchen12 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I don't think you are being completely honest when you say you are worried as in worried for his safety. You know he is fine and he is just blowing you off. You are angry at him but you try to play it to us as if you're worried about him. Actually it's perfectly normal to be upset when someone walks off on you during an argument. But that's where it ends. You don't escalate by forcing him to talk to you. He shut down because he couldn't deal with it anymore. Now you deal with wanting to talk but can't. Nothing you can do about that. You can only calm yourself and live your own life until he reappears. Stop texting, calling, showing up. Let's see what he has to say for himself when he finally reaches out. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Maybe he hit his wall and said enough is enough for today. First you tell him, it would be better to not see each other (today), then you want to "text" it out. Is he allowed to have a say-so in this situation. Well, I guess he did have a say-so by stopping the communication stream. 1
Insoc Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 I hear the "space" comment often, sometimes "space" gives them time to mull it over, or find someone new. Take it as you may....
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 I totally understand that, but I wouldn't do that to the other person. It's very easy to say something like "hey I'm going to just rest and think about it and won't be texting", instead of just ignoring the other and leave them worried. This is the mistake many of us have made - assuming others will behave and react the way we do, and getting upset when they don't. Everyone is different and you are going to experience a lot of frustration if you expect others to do what you would do. Don't leap to the conclusion that he is doing this to intentionally hurt you. Some people truly do need time to process a serious talk. You had this conversation today; I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now and take a deep breath. Give it a little time. What was this conversation about, anyway?
basil67 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 What was the question you asked before he went silent?
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Maybe he hit his wall and said enough is enough for today. I'm gonna go with the above. Most men like things to be done and finished.....then remove themselves, focus on something simple, like go watch a football game....makes them happy.
Wallysbears Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Maybe he hit his wall and said enough is enough for today. First you tell him, it would be better to not see each other (today), then you want to "text" it out. Is he allowed to have a say-so in this situation. Well, I guess he did have a say-so by stopping the communication stream. This. YOU told HIM that you didn't want to talk. Wanted to think it over. Then you started texting. Chill. 2
Author miss2017 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 This. YOU told HIM that you didn't want to talk. Wanted to think it over. Then you started texting. Chill. Yes I did that, but then we BOTH started texting about the situation, not just me.
Malin889 Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Just wait and let him come to you. You’ve only been dating a couple of months and you already have an “issue” between you. The beginning of a relationship should be fun, there should be no issues.
SunnyWeather Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 one should never have a 'serious discussion' via text. full stop. 2
preraph Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Well, you basically gave him the day off saying best not to talk and then you texted, so he probably made other plans and also doesn't appreciated being treated like a yoyo and told what to do and when. So this is you two learning things about each other.
Happy Lemming Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 ...Well, you basically gave him the day off saying best not to talk and then you texted, so he probably made other plans... Many years ago, I was dating this woman and she was mad at me about something and told me she didn't want to see me that weekend. So I went out of town for the weekend. She called me on my cell phone and asked me where I was at. I told her I was (six hours away) in the next state over, and that I had gone away for the weekend. She told me that I was supposed to be home, thinking about what I did. I told her I'm not a child and don't need to be punished like one. It seems the OP is upset because her boyfriend does not want to take his punishment. Like when you give a child a "time out" and tell them to sit in the corner and make them sit there until you tell them that they can get up. The boyfriend has "free will" and it appears he exercised some of it. 2
preraph Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Many years ago, I was dating this woman and she was mad at me about something and told me she didn't want to see me that weekend. So I went out of town for the weekend. She called me on my cell phone and asked me where I was at. I told her I was (six hours away) in the next state over, and that I had gone away for the weekend. She told me that I was supposed to be home, thinking about what I did. I told her I'm not a child and don't need to be punished like one. It seems the OP is upset because her boyfriend does not want to take his punishment. Like when you give a child a "time out" and tell them to sit in the corner and make them sit there until you tell them that they can get up. The boyfriend has "free will" and it appears he exercised some of it. Yeah, she treated him like a child. Maybe she'd just doing what her parents did to her and she thinks that also applies to adults. Nope. Adults have rights and free will. For sure, in a similar situation, I'd have gone out of town living it up like you did.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 6, 2019 Posted January 6, 2019 If I were OP, I'd give the guy some room and air to breathe. Looks like OP gave him an overdose of drama that day, and the fact that he went silent proved it. For now, all OP needs to do, is doing nothing, which means ceases all contacts until the guy reaches back. "You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free" - Thich Nhat Hanh 1
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