Ive been having a affair on my husband for three years and got pregnant twice

[forbidden_fruit]

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for almost 5. I was having an affair for 3 years that i recently stopped back in October. I'm 28 and hes 31 he met and started dating when i was 15 and he was 18 in high school. To make a long story short we always had problems in our relationship and even marriage but I don't want to talk about what my husband has done to me but only my part in it.

 

So i started talking to this other guy and we agreed that it was only for sex no strings attached no feelings involved period. i got pregnant after a year of us talking and at that point i did not know who the father of the baby was i was having sex with both the other guy and my husband days apart of me actually getting pregnant. My husband ended up finding out that i was having an affair but he never knew for how long he and the other guy convinced me that it would be best to abort the child and i did.

 

I continued to talk to the other guy and my husband and i just didn't work it out after i had the abortion, we decided to separate. he started seeing other people and i kept talking to the same guy. two years later were going strong in a relationship now but he ended up getting another job out of state and things just didn't work out from there for us. so as my luck would have it my husband wanted to work things out and we did and got back together we was together for about 4 months before the other guy came back to town and we decided to hook up once again. four weeks later i found out i was pregnant and this time i didn't tell my husband about the other guy and i decided to wait until i was five months to tell the other guy that its a chance he may be the father and now he wants to be in the child's life if he is but i know this will only cause confusion.

 

i am completely done with the other guy and i know if my husband finds out about this again then our marriage is officially over this time and i don't want that i want my husband and family now and i don't what the other guy involved so what should i do?

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You should recognize that all actions have consequences, sometimes not good ones. Even though you haven't behaved with integrity up until now. start now and tell your husband the truth, that the baby might not be his. Accept whatever consequences come.

[L0nely]

First step is to find out exactly who the father is. Have the "other" guy and you take a Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity test which can be done after 14 weeks of pregnancy. The remaining steps depends on the results. Good luck.

Edited January 2, 2019 by L0nely

[loversquarrel]

You really have no other options but to be honest. You really need to be up front with your husband about this and recognize that you both might not be a good fit for each other.

[kgcolonel]

Everything you have written is about what you want...you cannot know what your husband wants unless he is aware of what you've been doing.

 

How do you know that you're done with the OM? You were done with him a while back and reverted to him once he was available....

 

This sounds a bit like cake eating, you wanted an affair, sex with your husband, separation, dating OM, getting back together with your H, getting back together with the OM, hiding the truth about the pregnancy and now your family back...this time while your poor H has no knowledge of the true paternity of the unborn child.

 

You owe it to your H to let make an informed decision...if it isn't his, it very well will come out later,....then what????

[Giraffe-A]

Your relationship is going to be over whether you tell him now or he finds out later down the road. You don’t seem to have an ounce of decency and you know you will keep going back to this guy. Your problems will not magically resolve themselves because your husband wants to work it out. You have not made an attempt to help resolve your own issues and faults in this. Come clean. Get a DNA test and take ownership of the consequences. If it was that bad with the bf, you should have left or at least not married him. Get help too.

[Mr. Lucky]

so what should i do?

 

Well first off, you should post with paragraphs.

 

Knowing all the facts, you now want your husband and family.

 

If your husband knew all the facts, wonder what he would want?

 

You’re going to have to let this play out and make some hard decisions. I’d suspect at some point much of what happens won’t be up to you.

 

Plan accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

[RecentChange]

What should you do?!

 

Stop lying.

 

There is now going to be an innocent child involved in this mess. So it's time to come clean, stop being so selfish and make choices that would be the best for YOUR CHILD.

 

That means having the child's father involved in his or her's life. That means telling your husband the truth. That means consequences.

 

For the life of me I do not understand why cheaters do not take birth control seriously.

[stillafool]

Sorry but there is no way around it, you are going to have to tell your husband the truth. If you don't the other man will because he wants his child and has every right to the baby. Why didn't you move out of town with him when he got his new job? You have cheated on your husband the entire time you were married to him. He deserves to know the truth and will find out.

[Guildford]

If your husband is not the father and you try to pass the child off as his, there is a very good chance that your husband will find out on his own. With the DNA test so easy to do and all the stories of men leaning years after the birth that they are not the biological father, many men are doing the test even if they are not suspicious that the child is not theirs. Your husband will definitely be suspicious. Try being honest with the ones you love for a change.

[preraph]

You can't lie forever. You now have babies whose DNA will eventually be taken and prove your husband is not their father.

 

I really have only one piece of advice, and that is for God's sake, take birth control! What you're doing is so chaotic.

[BaileyB]

i got pregnant after a year of us talking and at that point i did not know who the father of the baby was i was having sex with both the other guy and my husband days apart of me actually getting pregnant. The other guy convinced me that it would be best to abort the child and i did.

 

This just made my heart drop...

 

If your husband knew that you aborted a baby, that may have been his child, on the advice of the OM...

 

Well, that would be unforgivable for me. To have an affair is one thing, but to get pregnant and abort the baby without telling your husband the truth...

 

My friend, you should leave this obviously very unhealthy relationship and let your husband find happiness with a woman who loves him and wants what he wants from life. A man should not have to question the paternity of his child, or think that his wife has aborted his child to cover up her deceit and selfish behavior...

[forbidden_fruit]

he did know i had an abortion who do you think took me? he didnt want an invasive dna test he just wanted me to abort smh so funny how so many people can judge when they only know one side of the truth and thats not even half of the truth

[forbidden_fruit]

the other guy has no idea that im married lmfao im just that good of a cheater and i wasnt about to leave my successful business to follow or chase a man that wants to leave

[Wallysbears]

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for almost 5. I was having an affair for 3 years that i recently stopped back in October. I'm 28 and hes 31 he met and started dating when i was 15 and he was 18 in high school. <snip>

 

Well you've gone and created quite a mess for yourself.

 

Step 1 to unraveling this mess is going to be honesty with your husband.

Step 2 is a DNA test.

 

Good luck. I can't imagine it will go well.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

he did know i had an abortion who do you think took me? he didnt want an invasive dna test he just wanted me to abort smh so funny how so many people can judge when they only know one side of the truth and thats not even half of the truth

 

Well, tell us the rest.

 

What do you think you should do?

[Mr. Lucky]

the other guy has no idea that im married lmfao im just that good of a cheater

 

Congratulations? Good job? Well done?

 

Not sure why you posted, you've deflected every bit of advice given so far.

 

Hope things work out...

 

Mr. Lucky

[anika99]

the other guy has no idea that im married lmfao im just that good of a cheater and i wasnt about to leave my successful business to follow or chase a man that wants to leave

 

There is something really wrong here. You truly have no respect for empathy for other people. You just use people as objects to meet your needs with no regard to how your actions may hurt or impact others. It is so sad that now a baby is being brought into this trainwreck because you didn't even have the decency to use condoms for the affair sex.

 

I'm guessing the father is most likely the other man. The reason I say that is because both times he came on the scene you became pregnant so I'm guessing he is the most fertile one. Could be coincidence and there is no way to know for sure without a DNA test. Why do you even want to stay with your husband. You clearly have no respect for him.

[Starswillshine]

Tell your husband the truth. Tell the OM the truth. Get a DNA test and deal with the mess you made. And grow up.

[pepperbird]

he did know i had an abortion who do you think took me? he didnt want an invasive dna test he just wanted me to abort smh so funny how so many people can judge when they only know one side of the truth and thats not even half of the truth

 

 

op,

putting the adults in this situation aside for a moment...have you given much thought to the long term future of this child to be? What will their life be like? If you try and pass him or her of as your husband's and it turns out they aren't, how will you handle that? How will you explain to your husband and child what has taken place? What if your om wants to be in his or her life? What then?

 

 

It's such a can of worms. I would suggest you find a counselor and talk it all through with them...and I'd do it right now,. You have a freight train coming at you at 1000 miles an hour and you are right smack in the middle of the tracks.

[BettyDraper]

Your behavior has been callous. It's frightening that you are so cavalier about potentially ruining the lives of your unborn child and your husband.

Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MrVegas]

the other guy has no idea that im married lmfao im just that good of a cheater and i wasnt about to leave my successful business to follow or chase a man that wants to leave

 

As proven by 2 unplanned pregnancies? Just to clarify on your quoted comment then, you are actually cheating on two men then?

 

And in regards to being judged for your actions while knowing only half the story, you do recall that you posted to discuss only your actions while telling everyone you would only tell us half the story?

 

At this point I am confused as to the purpose of the post. You belittle the advice and brag about your cheating prowess. Was the point of the post to just have people tell you that lying to your husband is the best course of action?

 

MV

[stillafool]

the other guy has no idea that im married lmfao im just that good of a cheater and i wasnt about to leave my successful business to follow or chase a man that wants to leave

 

Wow, and proud of it I see.

[salparadise]

There is something really wrong here. You truly have no respect for empathy for other people. You just use people as objects to meet your needs

 

Yea, it's called sociopathy.

 

I'm guessing the father is most likely the other man. The reason I say that is because both times he came on the scene you became pregnant so I'm guessing he is the most fertile one.

 

Research in human sperm competition indicates that the odds favor the OM when coitus occurs in quick succession such that both men's sperm is present prior to fertilization. It is thought that biological selection advantages developed in parallel with the female preference for genetically superior mates at the time of ovulation.