Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 This is a super lame question, apologies for my ignorance with this. I’m sending a picture to a guy friend. He is a good friend that I’ve known for years. I’m hoping to turn it into something more. He has sent a couple pictures of himself to me in the last couple of weeks, which isn’t something he has done in the past, so I thought to send a couple pictures back to him in return. However, it’s been a few days since he sent the last picture of himself, which was a picture of himself at work. I don’t normally send pictures, so I need to know, do I need to put a description of what the picture is from? For example, my daughter and I went hiking over the holiday, I was going to send a picture of myself, then of me and her hiking. Do I need to say “Pics from hiking”? Or can I just say, “Happy New Year”, and send the pictures? Or do I say “Happy New Year”. Then “Out over the holidays” and send a couple pictures? I know this is a super lame question to ask, please don't make fun of my ignorance! I’m a newbie at sending pictures via phone to guys. They’ve sent them to me before, but usually, if it’s someone I don’t know very well, from online dating or whatever, it’s a selfie of their face and they just send it unsolicited while we are texting. I don’t use Instagram or Snapchat, so I don’t send out a lot of pictures of myself. Plus, I’m shy. When the guy I'm trying to send the picture to sent a picture randomly a couple weeks ago, he didn't say anything, he just sent a random picture without any text. But I thought it was nicer to send some sort of description, even if it's a brief description. Thank you!
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Why not send him a text "Hey how are you?" "What to meet up for a coffee?" 2
Happy Lemming Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 How about a description of the area, with a generic invite. "Daughter and I hiking ABC Trail, wish you were here. (Its beautiful country/views)" Optional (Its beautiful country/views).
preraph Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I'm a little puzzled as to why you would consider sending him a picture of your child. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 (edited) Definitely add some words ... In fact, you need a conversation going ... I'm not sure if this guy has been a friend that he's gonna get the message of your new interest outside of you sending him an eye-popping picture of you in a bikini. If he gets your message, so many guys learn to restrain themselves and not get caught up in fantasy ... Young guys fall in lust with women all the time only to realize the woman has no interest in them. So they learn to be cautious--and not chase a fantasy--even though in this case you really ARE interested! Really, a photo isn't going to do it--words or no words. Go ahead and ask him out to coffee, drinks or dinner ... Then show up looking great with great energy ... and see if you can nudge things along. What you have to do when you see him is show a different, a bit more flirty and outging energy than when you saw him as a "friend." Touch his arm if that feels comfortable and all of that. Even then he might hesitate, but that's your best shot. A woman friend who seemed to develop a sudden interest in me asking me to a bar--she had NEVER done that ... and sure enough, the energy was very different and flirty. I just wasn't interested in going further. Good luck. Edited January 2, 2019 by Lotsgoingon
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 i think you might be overthinking it a bit. You can do either. It depends on your personality and the rapport you guys have with each other too. Meaning depending on your rapport, sometimes a photo alone is worth a thousand words and no accompanying text is necessary. I definitely don't think you need to describe the photo though but you could say "this weekend" or whatever to pinpoint it. I think THE MOST important thing is to get and keep the conversation going & express your personality. In other words don't just exchange (or attempt to exchange) to do lists or what i did lists. In the course of "showing what you did", you should want to express who you are and find a way (if there is one in this current photo) to bond with him. I can think of lots of things to say from a photo like that depending on who you are sending it to and how well you know him. *just a note to add: sounds like you know him already so maybe sending a photo of your daughter isn't a bad thing--but i personally think if you are trying to make it romantic then it's probably better to keep the focus on you and him. Good luck
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 (edited) <snip> *just a note to add: sounds like you know him already so maybe sending a photo of your daughter isn't a bad thing--but i personally think if you are trying to make it romantic then it's probably better to keep the focus on you and him. Good luck Yes I know him already and he’s a friend and he knows my child, etc, so I didn’t think it was a big deal... but yes I was also thinking it might be better to show him another side as well. He knows how important being a mother is to me but I’d like him to see me in a romantic light as well, maybe just a pic of me on my own is better. And yes I know I’m overthinking way too much, lol. I will just say “this weekend” and hopefully that will get the conversation back up. Thank you for the advice. Edited January 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 And yes I know I’m overthinking way too much, lol. Yes, you are . But that's ok. It means it's important to you. I would send the pic and say Happy New Year, and that leaves the door open for him to ask where you were hiking.
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Yes I know him already and he’s a friend and he knows my child, etc, so I didn’t think it was a big deal... but yes I was also thinking it might be better to show him another side as well. He knows how important being a mother is to me but I’d like him to see me in a romantic light as well, maybe just a pic of me on my own is better. And yes I know I’m overthinking way too much, lol. I will just say “this weekend” and hopefully that will get the conversation back up. Thank you for the advice. Sure. I think you should add some of your personality in whichever way. And maybe ask a question of him. Basically none of us knows him better than you do--so use key things you know or suspect he is like to try to get some traction. Flirt a little if that makes sense. It's like tailoring it to who you are talking to get their mind thinking "what if". Expressing your personality (like if it was me i'd probably make a joke like "this weekend, next weekend mt everest "....That expresses who i am a bit (self-deprecating, funny, ambitious & athletic with the photo) AND anything you say that talks about the future gives him an opportunity to talk about the future with you or ask how it went jokingly in the future or really let's go next time on a hike together Basically you want to tailor it to who you are and who he is. Make it personal to you both. Does he like hiking? Basically that's a perfect opportunity to ask him for advice or give him a little ego boost. I don't think it's a bad thing since he probably likes that you are a mom (lots of guys do) but i think it will be harder for him to think of the photo in a flirty context or comment on it in that way if your child is in the pic. Good luck!
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 Yes, you are . But that's ok. It means it's important to you. I would send the pic and say Happy New Year, and that leaves the door open for him to ask where you were hiking. Thanks! :-)
PRW Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Why not send him a text "Hey how are you?" "What to meet up for a coffee?" Do this ^^^ Send a picture of a coffee cup I guess, or you drinking from one. The most important part of this whole thing is right here: "He is a good friend that I’ve known for years. I’m hoping to turn it into something more." and has been ignored. It seems to be what this whole exchange is about in the first place,...so make it happen, or get a definitive "no" if he isn't interested in that.
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 Definitely add some words ... In fact, you need a conversation going ... I'm not sure if this guy has been a friend that he's gonna get the message of your new interest outside of you sending him an eye-popping picture of you in a bikini. . Haha I thought about that, but to be honest, I don’t want to send something like that until I’ve lost a few pounds... which I’m working on! If he gets your message, so many guys learn to restrain themselves and not get caught up in fantasy ... Young guys fall in lust with women all the time only to realize the woman has no interest in them. So they learn to be cautious--and not chase a fantasy--even though in this case you really ARE interested! Really, a photo isn't going to do it--words or no words. Go ahead and ask him out to coffee, drinks or dinner ... Then show up looking great with great energy ... and see if you can nudge things along. We’ve gone out many times...but not lately... he lives out of town and we were not chatting for a few months. Just started chatting again. A woman friend who seemed to develop a sudden interest in me asking me to a bar--she had NEVER done that ... and sure enough, the energy was very different and flirty. I just wasn't interested in going further. Good luck. Why weren’t you interested?
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 Sure. I think you should add some of your personality in whichever way. And maybe ask a question of him. Basically none of us knows him better than you do--so use key things you know or suspect he is like to try to get some traction. Flirt a little if that makes sense. It's like tailoring it to who you are talking to get their mind thinking "what if". Expressing your personality (like if it was me i'd probably make a joke like "this weekend, next weekend mt everest "....That expresses who i am a bit (self-deprecating, funny, ambitious & athletic with the photo) AND anything you say that talks about the future gives him an opportunity to talk about the future with you or ask how it went jokingly in the future or really let's go next time on a hike together Basically you want to tailor it to who you are and who he is. Make it personal to you both. Does he like hiking? Basically that's a perfect opportunity to ask him for advice or give him a little ego boost. I don't think it's a bad thing since he probably likes that you are a mom (lots of guys do) but i think it will be harder for him to think of the photo in a flirty context or comment on it in that way if your child is in the pic. Good luck! Haha, I like that about Everest… that’s something I would say (but of course, didn’t come up with that brilliant line… ) I know he’s hiked before, but he doesn’t do it often. He does love to travel to different faraway places so would probably appreciate the Everest remark or something like that. And you’re right, he does like the idea that I’m a mom, he’s bought little things for my daughter before, but it’s not romantic if I’m talking about that. Now that she’s a little older, I really need to learn how to date again lol! After posting this, I feel very positive and confident about the situation! Thanks! 1
emeraldgreen Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I'm learning that expectation is the source of most heartache, so send your photos with expectation and without apology. Photos are there to capture a moment, and it's sweet that you want to share those moments with someone. If and how they respond is out of your control. That sounds crap on the surface but it can be liberating if we can internalise it that way. That's my current mission anyway! 1
Versacehottie Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Haha, I like that about Everest… that’s something I would say (but of course, didn’t come up with that brilliant line… ) I know he’s hiked before, but he doesn’t do it often. He does love to travel to different faraway places so would probably appreciate the Everest remark or something like that. And you’re right, he does like the idea that I’m a mom, he’s bought little things for my daughter before, but it’s not romantic if I’m talking about that. Now that she’s a little older, I really need to learn how to date again lol! After posting this, I feel very positive and confident about the situation! Thanks! This is where i keep referring back to tailoring it to the person you are talking to. If you KNOW that he is shy or will need a lead in also because you haven't been talking, then maybe send the one with your daughter since he has given her gifts before. Make it easy based on the person you are talking to kind of. The more you reveal about the situation the easier and more ideas that strangers can generate. But the truth is that you have the answers yourself since you know each other the best. I do think there's little you can do wrong in reaching out to say hi with a photo in this situation--it's probably just varying degrees of how to make it right or better or best. If it makes you too scared, then just treat it like a friend (and default to messages of that sort) until you have a little traction and rekindling of the friendship in place. Good luck
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 I'm learning that expectation is the source of most heartache, so send your photos with expectation and without apology. Photos are there to capture a moment, and it's sweet that you want to share those moments with someone. If and how they respond is out of your control. That sounds crap on the surface but it can be liberating if we can internalise it that way. That's my current mission anyway! Thank you for your advice. I totally agree! You can’t control the way other people are going to react, you have to just go for it and hope for the best. I think this is a good way to think in any situation in life. 2
emeraldgreen Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 And of course I meant without expectation, but you got my point
Author Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 And of course I meant without expectation, but you got my point Yes, I figured you meant without expectations. As sad as it sounds, it’s better to have low expectations or no expectations rather than high expectations. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst Lol.
Author Malin889 Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 This is where i keep referring back to tailoring it to the person you are talking to. If you KNOW that he is shy or will need a lead in also because you haven't been talking, then maybe send the one with your daughter since he has given her gifts before. Make it easy based on the person you are talking to kind of. The more you reveal about the situation the easier and more ideas that strangers can generate. But the truth is that you have the answers yourself since you know each other the best. I do think there's little you can do wrong in reaching out to say hi with a photo in this situation--it's probably just varying degrees of how to make it right or better or best. If it makes you too scared, then just treat it like a friend (and default to messages of that sort) until you have a little traction and rekindling of the friendship in place. Good luck Thank you! Your advice is very wise. :-) I appreciate it I just sent 2 pictures of myself. Feeling very vulnerable since I don't normally do that and have never done it with him. No expectations.
Recommended Posts