Motorbikes and wives

January 2, 2019

Does anyone else have issues with their spouse accepting that they ride motorbikes? My wife finds it hard to accept that I ride one, especially when I head out to go skydiving

I'm a bit nomadic and so I'm now thinking of getting a converted van to sleep in on weekends so I can spend more time skydiving, snowboarding and surfing. She's not too happy with this idea and has been using it as a leverage point for me to get rid of the bike. (Aside: she's a city girl mostly, apart from dabbling in a bit of snowboarding and previously climbing.)

Personally I don't get it. We don't have kids, or any concrete plans to have kids, so what's the big deal...

Question to the husbands here, do your wives try to change you? If so, how do you handle it? I flat outright ignore, which might not be the best strategy. Although my wife did know before marriage that I don't like being controlled.

January 2, 2019

welcome to LS ,

Wives have an aim to change you since day one of their marriage .

if you are married to a lady who loves you , she will accept you the way you are as long as you are good to her .

If you are married to spoiled barbie , you will end up after years to become a provider of marterialistic love .

January 2, 2019

Does anyone else have issues with their spouse accepting that they ride motorbikes? My wife finds it hard to accept that I ride one, especially when I head out to go skydiving

I'm a bit nomadic and so I'm now thinking of getting a converted van to sleep in on weekends so I can spend more time skydiving, snowboarding and surfing.

Question to the husbands here, do your wives try to change you? If so, how do you handle it? I flat outright ignore, which might not be the best strategy. Although my wife did know before marriage that I don't like being controlled.

I would never try to change you.

I would never have married you, because it’s very clear to me that you want to live the single life. And I say that not because you want to ride motorbikes and skydive, but because you are unwilling to consider her opinions, compromise, or communicate in the way that a husband should behave with a wife.

When you married, you chose to spend your life with this woman. She is probably wishing right now that she had known that your vision for the future meant sleeping in a van so that you could surf and skydive... she may well be wishing that she had made a different decision.

January 2, 2019

i'll root for you. personally i think that a guy who rides motorcycles are absolutely hot. that's why i married my husband, he also taught me how to ride it. i was the first and only one to drop his precious bike lol. we used to ride a lot before having kids. now it's just collecting dust in garage. he says he'll go back to that lifestyle once kids are grown up. i wouldn't change that about him. well good luck in your marriage.

January 2, 2019

As a rider myself, I completely understand the need to get on two wheels and go for a spin. (I can't speak to the rest of your adventures; I skydived {skydove?} once and enjoyed it but don't have a desire to do it again.)

I'm assuming your wife knew about this before you and she were married, correct?

Well, clearly that's one of the things that she found attractive about you: your independence. If she wants you to change now, well, perhaps the issues isn't your riding.

Now, all that said, she may be rightly concerned for your safety and I understand that as well. It cannot be denied that riding a motorcycle has a higher calculated risk than, say, stamp collecting. But the fact is that she knew all about this going in; wanting you to change now isn't compromise, it's a demand for acquiescence.

Have you considered taking her along? Perhaps if she had a better sense of what it's like, even as a pillion, she might change her tune. Get her a helmet and a full set of good leathers and she might come around.

January 2, 2019

Greetings "Haru-no-yuki"...

Here is my suggestion, before you invest in a converted van, pick up a tent, air mattress and sleeping bag and try a weekend or two at the dropzone and see if you really want to spend that much time at the DZ.

Being a retired nomadic jump rat (skydiver & BASE jumper for 17 years), I can tell you that your fellow skydivers will wear on you after while, especially after the plane is tied down and the beer light comes on.

As someone that owns a sportbike, I've dated women that loved to be on the back of my motorcycle and some that hated/refused to be on the back. It depends on the person. Have you taken your wife on any rides??

And one last question... Why did you get married?? You clearly enjoy your freedom, you claim to be nomadic, you appear to be an adrenaline junky, so why in the world would you tie yourself down by getting married. Stay single, stay happy... I did!!

For the record, my present girlfriend hates my sportbike and won't ride on the back, which is fine. She doesn't nag me about riding, if she did we wouldn't be dating. She does ask if my organ donor card is up to date... It is!!

January 2, 2019

You seem to have a lot of dangerous hobbies that take you away from her. Have you considered that she is simply desperate to spend time with the man she loves? The idea that you want to sleep in a van away from her is probably eroding your marriage. It's not about controlling you. It's about loving you.

January 2, 2019

People who aren't adventurous are afraid of adventure. they have an inflated sense that you will be hurt doing that and they will lose you. and only you know how much is about her worrying and how much is her just not liking that you spend time without her. Since you like this kind of lifestyle, whoever you stay with will have to either like it as well or be very independent and not need you around all the time. Motorcycles are very dangerous. I know because I used to ride for a living. So that's a legitimate fear. My cousin survived the Marines only to get home and be hit while on his motorcycle and lose his leg. whether you get hurt on a motorcycle is really not within your control if you are ever riding around other drivers or riders. I'm certainly not saying don't do it. But don't ever get cocky about it.Drive is if you're invisible.

And know that no matter how careful you are, you can still have an accident and get hurt from the smallest thing. I broke my wrist going 5 miles an hour in some sand. The wheel just dug in and twisted. A partner of mine got thrown about 30 feet after a hubcap rolled into his wheel. And one in 100 people is a sociopath and that means there are few people on the road who would take the opportunity to kill you on a motorcycle if no one is looking.

I don't know how careful you are. You're doing such a variety of high-risk things that I suspect you aren't very careful. If that's true then she has every reason to worry. Be responsible and don't try to impress people by acting the fool

January 2, 2019

I don't know how careful you are. You're doing such a variety of high-risk things that I suspect you aren't very careful.

I really have to take issue with this.

There's this myth that people who engage in higher-than-usual risk activities have some sort of death wish, or aren't careful with those chosen activities.

In fact, the opposite is true. These people (and aside from motorcycling and SCUBA diving I don't consider myself to be a big risk-taker) have a tendency to try and squeeze every ounce out of their lives.

It's not death that they desire; it's life they love.

Risk-takers also have a tendency to be more successful.

As the saying goes, there are old motorcyclists and there are bold motorcyclists. But there are no old and bold motorcyclists.

January 2, 2019

I would be concerned, just like how H would be concerned if I decided that I wanted to backpack solo through Pakistan. Some things are higher risk than others - motorcycles have the worst accident rates of all (legal) road vehicle types.

From https://www.sa.gov.au/topics/driving-and-transport :

Motorcycle rider deaths were nearly 30 times more than drivers of other vehicles
Motorcycle riders aged below 40 are 36 times more likely to be killed than other vehicle operators of the same age.
Motorcycle riders aged 40 years and over are around 20 times more likely to be killed than other drivers of that same age

That being said, it's really just all about compatibility. Different people view risk differently. Have you always been this way, and always been up-front with your desires? If you have, then I do think she should have considered this, instead of marrying you and then trying to change you. If you haven't, then it's on you.

January 2, 2019

I'm a bit nomadic and so I'm now thinking of getting a converted van to sleep in on weekends so I can spend more time skydiving, snowboarding and surfing.

Ok were you thinking of taking her with you or escaping into the wide blue yonder alone at the weekend...?

January 2, 2019

So this van you're going to sleep in on weekends.....I notice you speak only of yourself in this adventure. Where and how does your wife fit in?

January 2, 2019

I really have to take issue with this.

There's this myth that people who engage in higher-than-usual risk activities have some sort of death wish, or aren't careful with those chosen activities.

In fact, the opposite is true. These people (and aside from motorcycling and SCUBA diving I don't consider myself to be a big risk-taker) have a tendency to try and squeeze every ounce out of their lives.

It's not death that they desire; it's life they love.

Risk-takers also have a tendency to be more successful.

As the saying goes, there are old motorcyclists and there are bold motorcyclists. But there are no old and bold motorcyclists.

Right, because they mature out of being an idiot.

January 2, 2019

Some things are higher risk than others - motorcycles have the worst accident rates of all (legal) road vehicle types.

This.

I grew up the mountains, roads coveted by motorcycle riders. Harleys, sport bikes, clubs and solo riders - they were all out there.

And every weekend the life flight helicopter would land by my house, sometimes several times a weekend. I have seen brains on the pavement, the huge pools of blood. The shoes and sunglasses, and plastics from the bike scattered everywhere.

My neighbor who spend the rest of his days in a wheel chair, so mentally damaged he could no longer talk.

My dad use to ride bikes, he was "lucky" no major injuries besides a full body rash and a concussion from his wrecks.

I am not risk adverse, I compete in an extremely dangerous equestrain sport, and I do not object to the BMX riding, downhill mountain bike racing, and other two wheeled sports my husband competes in.

But I do not like him riding a motorcycle - not on public streets.

He has the Harley my dad gave him. My dad decided he was getting too old for that kind of risk - he sticks to his race car instead! There is a lot to be said for having a roll cage.

When my husband got the bike, first point of business, I told him to remove the passenger seat, as I would NEVER ride thing.

And I am very glad these days the bike collects dust in our garage. I trust my husband's skills, he is at home on two wheels - but its the drivers, its the public roads that scare the hell out of me. I don't want him to die, or to live the rest of his life as an invalid - so this "wife" does not like motorcycles at all.

Edited January 2, 2019 by RecentChange

January 2, 2019

^ Yeah. There's a reason motorcycle insurance costs next to nothing. It's rarely ever the rider's fault. But it's a huge gamble to ride on public streets, especially busy ones.

January 3, 2019

I'm now thinking of getting a converted van to sleep in on weekends so I can spend more time skydiving, snowboarding and surfing. She's not too happy with this idea

Maybe she's afraid not that you'll put your body in jeopardy, but that you'll use the van to engage in the activities putting your marriage at risk.

You've given her substantial reason to be concerned...

Mr. Lucky

January 3, 2019

Thanks for all the replies, it seems like she's warming to the idea. Basically my original plan was to buy a small place in the countryside but she vetoed that on practical grounds (which I kind of agree with). Anyhow a camper will have more flexibility to visit a variety of places.

It's funny how marriages can place such massive constraints on individuality.

For the record, I'd never stop her doing anything she wanted to do - including ride bikes, jump from planes or whatever (including having an extra marital affair if she needed it). Of course the latter might indicate wider marriage issues, but assuming everything else is equal...

She is probably wishing right now that she had known that your vision for the future meant sleeping in a van so that you could surf and skydive... she may well be wishing that she had made a different decision..

We first met at the climbing wall (I've climbed for 20 or so years around the world from mountains to rocks) so I think she's had plenty of opportunity to understand the nature of my character with regards to hobbies etc.

Anyway, she's looked after pretty well - pretty luxurious place to live which I pay for, nice holidays to Hawaii, Cali etc each year.

I don't want to give the wrong impression though, she's actually not very materialistic and frequently points out (correctly) that we do these things because I like them.

Have you considered taking her along? Perhaps if she had a better sense of what it's like, even as a pillion, she might change her tune. Get her a helmet and a full set of good leathers and she might come around.

She actually used to ride herself, but then had a bad accident and since then has been against bikes - which is understandable. But as you imply, it's something a part of me that can't be changed.

Greetings "Haru-no-yuki"...

Here is my suggestion, before you invest in a converted van, pick up a tent, air mattress and sleeping bag and try a weekend or two at the dropzone and see if you really want to spend that much time at the DZ.

...

And one last question... Why did you get married?? You clearly enjoy your freedom, you claim to be nomadic, you appear to be an adrenaline junky, so why in the world would you tie yourself down by getting married. Stay single, stay happy... I did!!

Thanks for the advice although I want the van so I can snowboard and surf, and maybe even return to climbing again, as much as I do for skydiving. Totally understand how spending too long at the DZ can take its toll.

Regarding why marriage... Because my wife is hot and I love her. She's a good laugh mostly, pretty easy going (mostly) and physical stuff is still great after ten years. Fell in love with her at first sight, and still find her super attractive (inside and out).

However, you have a point - basically I'm a freedom junkie. Hate getting tied down. Lived and worked in five countries.

You seem to have a lot of dangerous hobbies that take you away from her. Have you considered that she is simply desperate to spend time with the man she loves? The idea that you want to sleep in a van away from her is probably eroding your marriage. It's not about controlling you. It's about loving you.

This is exactly what she said.

I don't know how careful you are. You're doing such a variety of high-risk things that I suspect you aren't very careful. If that's true then she has every reason to worry. Be responsible and don't try to impress people by acting the fool

Agreed that motorbikes are dangerous and I also ride fairly aggressively. However, I think I am careful. Without giving too many personal details away, I actually work in a risk related role - one of life's ironies

Ok were you thinking of taking her with you or escaping into the wide blue yonder alone at the weekend...?

For sure, as often as she wants to join. And I've said so to her.

Maybe she's afraid not that you'll put your body in jeopardy, but that you'll use the van to engage in the activities putting your marriage at risk.

Haha, you figured out my nefarious plan. Mistresses love shacking up in beat-up vans. Having thought about it, maybe I'll get some shackles affixed in the back so she can't run away

January 3, 2019

So how often do you imagine going away for the weekend?

January 3, 2019

So how often do you imagine going away for the weekend?

Almost every Friday to Saturday, back on Saturday nights.

January 3, 2019

Thanks for the advice although I want the van so I can snowboard and surf, and maybe even return to climbing again, as much as I do for skydiving.

Are you jumping with an AAD??

Just curious??

January 3, 2019

some people will never like motor bikes...i am one....when i was a kid i saw an accident where a guy was beheaded when he hit a cow.....i have seen some rotten and terrible things......in life.... that accident is up there.....i didnt see the guy for very long because i got screamed at to shut my eyes ...so i did..my nightmares were very bloody for quite a while after that.........

i think when someone has a real aversion to motor bikes its not easily gotten over....i would worry all the time if a guy i was with rode one......bikies dont fare well in accidents.....cars are bad enough......it would make me feel physically ill to think of my guy on a motor bike on the road...paddock bashing with cows on a farm fixin fences.....with motorbikes is different to tar,bitumen,cars and trucks with road rage and cows in the middle of a road for no good reason.....bad weather cows...nah...dont want a guy to ride a motorbike...at all...deb

January 3, 2019

Are you jumping with an AAD??

Just curious??

Yup, I am.

January 3, 2019

Yup, I am.

Well... that should make your wife feel a little better about you skydiving.

January 4, 2019

Do you feel that providing a great lifestyle gives you licence to completely ignore your wife's concerns?

She cannot make you do anything because you're a grown man. However, it could be helpful to be less self centered about your wife's completely valid safety reservations.

Marriage is not for people who "hate being tied down." Based on your posts, it's clear that you enjoy the benefits of marriage but you still want to live as a single man. You seem to love yourself far more than you will ever love your wife.

January 4, 2019

Almost every Friday to Saturday, back on Saturday nights.

Do you see the problem here? I'm not going to hound you for wanting to do activities that others perceive as dangerous - you feel a need to live on the edge, it's fun, I totally get it, I'm very much the same. But you need to view this from her point of view - you're taking part in a lot of activities that she considers dangerous and not appealing to her, almost every weekend. She is worried about losing you to an accident, and she probably feels that she's not spending anywhere near enough time with you. You've basically left only Sunday for time with her... she's often going to need a lot more time than that because she loves you and wants to be around you.

Regarding why marriage... Because my wife is hot and I love her. She's a good laugh mostly, pretty easy going (mostly) and physical stuff is still great after ten years. Fell in love with her at first sight, and still find her super attractive (inside and out).

However, you have a point - basically I'm a freedom junkie. Hate getting tied down. Lived and worked in five countries.

A lot of what you're saying is looks based. Have you considered whether you and her are compatible in other ways? From your posts it seems like you need someone who's going to jump out of planes with you and get on the bike. It's not everyone's thing but it's your thing, and sadly it sounds like it's not her thing.

A partner (whether wife or BF/GF) isn't just someone you keep around for looks and sex while you go off and do your own thing. They need to be a part of your life, and you a part of theirs. A bit of independence is obviously healthy, but there can be too much of anything.

Edited January 4, 2019 by snowboy91

Sign In

Motorbikes and wives

Recommended Posts

Haru-no-yuki

zouz71

BaileyB

L0nely

Geraltt

Happy Lemming

d0nnivain

preraph

Geraltt

Els

elaine567

basil67

preraph

RecentChange

preraph

Mr. Lucky

Haru-no-yuki

basil67

Haru-no-yuki

Happy Lemming

todreaminblue

Haru-no-yuki

Happy Lemming

BettyDraper

snowboy91

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...