She waits 3 days to respond to text, should I return the favor?

[Insoc]

Yeah right, well that's different , no enthusiasm at all from her sorry.

 

On the way home, I thought about the nice date we had, it seemed she was having a good time, but it's not the first time someone flaked out on me, I think at my age, many of these woman are coming out of very long marriages and are suffering some type of trauma and/or cannot feel good or comfortable with a new guy, even if he is 8 years younger. She came on to me, reached out and sorta begged because my age limit was 52, not 58. She looks younger so I tried, to be honest she was hot for her age and in good shape, but there is no spark.

[Mac0908]

She texted me right after I left her house on the first date wasn't even a week ago yet, telling me to let me know when I got home, then we bounced text back and forth for a day or two she responded promptly, then I proposed another date this weekend, she said great and I mentioned which day and time and said to confirm, she never did. Figuring tomorrow is Wed, I figured confirmation wasn't too much to ask.

 

Then 3.5 days later I got a response saying "Happy New Year", no mention of my last text or this weekend. She already wished me Happy New Year prior, not sure if her last text was a question or just a statement lol!

 

I knew she had family in town, kids home from college and one kid is having issues with substance abuse, maybe lot's of friends and party so I was cutting her some slack, but then I saw she is posting updates on FB I was like, okay I can see I'm not priority here, so time to move along.

 

Obviously you had a good time and you were feeling her. I hear you. But when a woman takes 3 days to respond to your text, that's a hint she AIN'T interested. Either you did something to turn her off or you just weren't a match for her.

 

Do NOT text this woman again. If she reaches out, be quiet, be aloof, be whatever.

 

How old are you guys? If she's under 22-23 I'd honestly suggest moving on completely.

[ExpatInItaly]

She’s just not that into you, OP.

 

Her age isn’t important in terms of her interest level and ability to communicate more promptly. If she were into you, she would’ve been in touch earlier.

[d0nnivain]

I say this all the time, from about December 22 through Jan 4 everybody gets a pass on new relationship communication. Everybody's traveling, dealing with family , catching up with old friends. It's a hectic stressful time.

 

Playing tit for tat games is the death knell for any interaction.

 

What do you want here? Do you want to see her? If so, reach out. If you don't care, then never respond. If you want to punish her & give her a taste of her own medicine don't do that either because that is no foundation -- it's just karmic poison.

 

The kissing is a better indicator of lack of interest then anything else. Moving on is the right thing to do.

[Happy Lemming]

On the way home, I thought about the nice date we had, it seemed she was having a good time, but it's not the first time someone flaked out on me ...even if he is 8 years younger. She came on to me, reached out and sorta begged because my age limit was 52, not 58. She looks younger so I tried, to be honest she was hot for her age and in good shape, but there is no spark.

 

Age has nothing to do with her ability to respond to communication in a timely manner. This woman is a mature adult, she knows what common courtesy is.

 

My girlfriend is older than me and always responds to my text, phone call or e-mail in a timely manner (as do I). The one caveat is she does turn her phone off when she sleeps, so if I text or e-mail late at night, I don't expect a response until the next morning.

 

Getting back to an age difference, as a general rule, I go 10 years younger or 10 years older.

 

Just my two cents...

[ChatroomHero]

I look at texting like an in person conversation where the person has all the time they want to come up with a response and think about what they want to say before they say it and send the "right" response.

 

 

When I text someone with a question, in particular, when are you free...do you want to get together this Saturday around 7pm, etc...when they don't respond but not to the question you know they 1) saw it. 2) They are choosing to bypass answering the question and 3) They put thought into it and chose the best thing was to ignore the question.

 

 

In person maybe they didn't hear it, the conversation changed, whatever. In text, it is sitting there like an ever repeating question and they just decided they did not want to answer or make plans.

 

 

It would be like asking her in person and her staring at you blankly and not saying anything. You ask again, she just stares at you. Then you ask how her day was and she goes on and on about her day.

 

 

100% of the time I find when you ask someone out and they 'pretend' like they didn't see the text or skip the question part, they are saying they do not want to go out with you again. I have found slow texting to the tune of a response 1 day after your text is a clear indicator of no interest. So she has 2 strikes against her and I think all you will get is a maybe, we'll see, I'm not sure of my schedule, I will let you know...if you ask her again. Then you will get the ghosting again if you ask for confirmation at any point.

 

 

As far as your friend saying she is not sure and doesn't know you yet, it may be true but it is a matter of if she wants to get to know you which is the whole point of dating. I mean, how would she know you if she doesn't respond to your question proposing a time to get to know you better?

 

 

You're no doubt not completely sure about her yet either so you asked her out. She didn't even answer. Plus I find I want someone who is initially interested enough and not wishy-washy. I don't want to chase a woman that thinks, he is ok looking, maybe I should lower my standards a bit. I want someone who thinks, "this guy checks a lot of my boxes. I want to get to know him more".

[elaine567]

I knew she had family in town, kids home from college and one kid is having issues with substance abuse, maybe lot's of friends and party so I was cutting her some slack, but then I saw she is posting updates on FB I was like, okay I can see I'm not priority here, so time to move along.

 

 

I guess maybe not the best time to be arranging hot dates with a new man.

[PRW]

3 days = she's not that into you.

This ^^^

I would add to that,...relationships are not built on "Tit-for-Tat".

[Insoc]

I guess maybe not the best time to be arranging hot dates with a new man.

 

I wondered that myself? I know that I was suppose to call her one night and she didn't answer and texted back she was having a family issue, I didn't know but that's what it was but found out later that was it.

 

Still not a good excuse for ghosting me, which I already accepted as total BS.

[Insoc]

This ^^^

I would add to that,...relationships are not built on "Tit-for-Tat".

 

A lot of women like to play games, they like being chased by multiple men and the attention that comes with it, I have experienced this.

[Insoc]

I look at texting like an in person conversation where the person has all the time they want to come up with a response and think about what they want to say before they say it and send the "right" response.

 

 

When I text someone with a question, in particular, when are you free...do you want to get together this Saturday around 7pm, etc...when they don't respond but not to the question you know they 1) saw it. 2) They are choosing to bypass answering the question and 3) They put thought into it and chose the best thing was to ignore the question.

 

 

In person maybe they didn't hear it, the conversation changed, whatever. In text, it is sitting there like an ever repeating question and they just decided they did not want to answer or make plans.

 

 

It would be like asking her in person and her staring at you blankly and not saying anything. You ask again, she just stares at you. Then you ask how her day was and she goes on and on about her day.

 

 

100% of the time I find when you ask someone out and they 'pretend' like they didn't see the text or skip the question part, they are saying they do not want to go out with you again. I have found slow texting to the tune of a response 1 day after your text is a clear indicator of no interest. So she has 2 strikes against her and I think all you will get is a maybe, we'll see, I'm not sure of my schedule, I will let you know...if you ask her again. Then you will get the ghosting again if you ask for confirmation at any point.

 

 

As far as your friend saying she is not sure and doesn't know you yet, it may be true but it is a matter of if she wants to get to know you which is the whole point of dating. I mean, how would she know you if she doesn't respond to your question proposing a time to get to know you better?

 

 

You're no doubt not completely sure about her yet either so you asked her out. She didn't even answer. Plus I find I want someone who is initially interested enough and not wishy-washy. I don't want to chase a woman that thinks, he is ok looking, maybe I should lower my standards a bit. I want someone who thinks, "this guy checks a lot of my boxes. I want to get to know him more".

 

I resolved it 1) she isn't interested (already know this) 2) she want's to take it extremely slow (maybe)? 3) she doesn't know what she wants (likely) 4) she cannot put her 30 year old marriage behind her and accept a new man (probable).

[greymatter]

A lot of women like to play games, they like being chased by multiple men and the attention that comes with it, I have experienced this.

 

I thought that you are new to the dating scene and wonder how you arrived at this conclusion? Are you someone who is pretty prone to making generalizations (in conversation with someone new, for example)?

[greymatter]

I'll never know, I'm not going to continue it and move on, I had an argument with my one room mate telling him the story saying, "well maybe she is busy", I'm like dude, who can't reply to a text in 5 to 10 seconds? Really? lol, he goes "you will regret it like you have with the other women you got impatient with and pissed off", I'm like well you can look at it how you want, but in this day and age, phones are in people's hands or near them at all times, all hours of the day. Then he goes, " you are not a priority yet cause you don't know her good, it's not even a week since you had the 1st date"...

 

About the bolded part, you have me curious what your roommate was referring to about you being impatient with women and pissing them off?

[Insoc]

I thought that you are new to the dating scene and wonder how you arrived at this conclusion? Are you someone who is pretty prone to making generalizations (in conversation with someone new, for example)?

 

I am new coming out of a marriage and LTR with my ex, but have experienced prior and in the past few months of dating local women I met on Match. Not all, but a few were really into playing games. I had one Women flat out tell me she was tested me with the way she was acting to see how I react and to see if I was someone she wanted to subject myself too, as a Guy I don't play that way but it's an interesting tactic, not really fair but if it works for them, it may work for me, just probably lose a lot of Men in the process.

[Insoc]

About the bolded part, you have me curious what your roommate was referring to about you being impatient with women and pissing them off?

 

Rushing to pass judgement on the lack of response in the text or ghosting, that is by making knee jerk reactions to something I'm conjuring up in my head (his words), I said flat out, no response and days go by, you don't need to sit around and wonder it's obvious.

[basil67]

Tit for tat is immature. Just end it in a way most appropriate for how well you know each other.

[greymatter]

I am new coming out of a marriage and LTR with my ex, but have experienced prior and in the past few months of dating local women I met on Match. Not all, but a few were really into playing games. I had one Women flat out tell me she was tested me with the way she was acting to see how I react and to see if I was someone she wanted to subject myself too, as a Guy I don't play that way but it's an interesting tactic, not really fair but if it works for them, it may work for me, just probably lose a lot of Men in the process.

 

You'll do much better with women who are straightforward and sincere. Not everyone will be a match, but you don't need anyone in your life who is manipulative or employing "tactics."

[greymatter]

Rushing to pass judgement on the lack of response in the text or ghosting, that is by making knee jerk reactions to something I'm conjuring up in my head (his words), I said flat out, no response and days go by, you don't need to sit around and wonder it's obvious.

 

I see, thanks for answering.

 

[Hoping this doesn't triple post - this didn't go through the first time]

[Insoc]

You'll do much better with women who are straightforward and sincere. Not everyone will be a match, but you don't need anyone in your life who is manipulative or employing "tactics."

 

Finding someone who is sincere and down to earth, is exactly what I'm trying to find, but some flake out after the fact. I tend to see things quickly on the first date that are red flags, but I try to not move too fast and saying it's over, I like to get a 2nd date to see if it was just general intimidation or just being nervous. Many of these woman at my age group are coming out of 25 to 30 year marriages, divorced in the last year or so. I don't know what they want or are thinking or maybe they are not ready?

[Insoc]

Tit for tat is immature. Just end it in a way most appropriate for how well you know each other.

 

I always responded to text messages in all my dating ventures, I noticed text etiquette varies female to female, one would just disappear and not say good night or I got to go, just would be talking to her and that's it, then pick up the next day, nothing was said about the previous night or what happened lol. You have to wonder how these people operate in the real world, do they just get up from the sofa and go to bed? No, good night, no talking or is it just texting that makes people so impersonal?

 

For me texting makes getting to know someone, very hard and often counterproductive if the other person has bad etiquette.

[SevenCity]

I always responded to text messages in all my dating ventures, I noticed text etiquette varies female to female, one would just disappear and not say good night or I got to go, just would be talking to her and that's it, then pick up the next day, nothing was said about the previous night or what happened lol. You have to wonder how these people operate in the real world, do they just get up from the sofa and go to bed? No, good night, no talking or is it just texting that makes people so impersonal?

 

For me texting makes getting to know someone, very hard and often counterproductive if the other person has bad etiquette.

 

Some dating advice - don't get to know a woman over text. You run the risk of becoming boring, or saying the wrong thing and turning her off when you were trying to be funny.

 

Instead, keep texting to a minimum in the beginning. Get to know them in person.

 

As far as this chick, she is not interested. I dated a lot over the past couple of years before I met my gf and I've seen this behavior a lot. Women who are interested in you will jump at the chance to see you...not dodge the question.

 

I've had a few that wouldn't answer and I just deleted them. I have no time for that.

 

Bonus advice: You will have A LOT more fun with women who are high interest. You'll work less, get more, and be a lot happier. Focus on those women.

[Insoc]

Some dating advice - don't get to know a woman over text. You run the risk of becoming boring, or saying the wrong thing and turning her off when you were trying to be funny.

 

Instead, keep texting to a minimum in the beginning. Get to know them in person.

 

As far as this chick, she is not interested. I dated a lot over the past couple of years before I met my gf and I've seen this behavior a lot. Women who are interested in you will jump at the chance to see you...not dodge the question.

 

I've had a few that wouldn't answer and I just deleted them. I have no time for that.

 

Bonus advice: You will have A LOT more fun with women who are high interest. You'll work less, get more, and be a lot happier. Focus on those women.

 

I know, I hate texting! I met a Woman who was long distance and she wanted to text more than talk on the phone, I even told her I'm coming up her way to scope the area for a future move (she wasn't the reason, but yeah some incentive lol) and said we can meet up and talk in person, she seemed cool with it but was way too impatient, so texting eventually doomed us both into the ground and she was super interested in me to the point she texted me when I got up at 6AM to go to work and throughout the day.

 

This woman, nope not interested and I pulled the plug already on her and I'm done.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I would never text again...Texting takes seconds, you can hate it all you want but you will text someone if you like them!

[basil67]

I would never text again...Texting takes seconds' date=' you can hate it all you want but you will text someone if you like them![/quote']

 

One text can be only seconds. But a 10 minute phone conversation can be much longer over text and you can't really get much done between texts.

[doyathinkso]

Texting is a lousy excuse for communication. Most certainly not suitable for a relationship. Texting is for ordering pizzas. Beyond that it has little usefulness.