Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 So i've been in a relationship with a guy for a year. He is not a u.s citizen, came to the US from another country and wants to be a citizen. When I met him he was charming and nice and sweet and 7 months before he met me he broke up with his h.s gf of 4 years. I knew deep down he wasn't over her cause he kept checking her instagram and always telling me that girl was his friend from school but i know it was his ex and apparently she cheated on him while he was in the states. So the whole relationship he had been nice but i always felt like he wasn't over his ex cause he was always checking up on her everyday. Also he needs a green card and I know he wants to marry someone and get it . I feel like the only reason why he was dating me all year was to get the green card, he even met my family and wanted to meet them and always talk to them.....to win them over i guess. Also he always wanted me to come over his place and stay there everyday. And finally throughout our relationship i saw the tinder app on his phone many times and we had tons of arguments about it and he was swiping and even adding the girls on his snapchat. He never met up or physically cheated but downloading a dating app while you're in a relationship is cheating to me. Also he never told his family about me. Just a few friends. He is muslim btw and i am not.... So today i told him that i think you're still obsessed with your ex. He got mad and kept saying that's my friend and no i'm not and kept saying i have ocd and that i am starting a fight cause i'm bored. I also told him that him having the tinder app is disrespectful to me. And that he is a liar and that I don't need a liar. So ofcourse he put all the blame on me as usual and said that he is done with me. Even though i did nothing wrong, i just spoke the truth. He never came clean, he always lied and never would just say that he lied and would turn it all on me. Guys, did i do the right thing by starting this "fight"? Even though he said he is done, i am actually done and feel free but still feel sad..... He told me he loved me everyday, messaged me everyday and i think that's what hooked me....
L0nely Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 yes, i believe you did the right thing. i would never trust a man who keeps in contact with his ex'es. they are ex'es for a reason. obviously he isn't over his ex. having a tinder app while in a relationship is a huge red-flag and a turn off. If he can't respect you regarding how you feel about tinder apps, he won't respect you with other things in the future. he's not a keeper. just move on. find a guy who does NC (no contact) with ex'es. only those guys are the most trustworthy and respectful. you deserve better. 1
Insoc Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 He is not a u.s citizen, came to the US from another country and wants to be a citizen. This alone would make me nervous, I had some Russian women contact me on Match, I already know what the are after. 1
Author Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 yes, i believe you did the right thing. i would never trust a man who keeps in contact with his ex'es. they are ex'es for a reason. obviously he isn't over his ex. having a tinder app while in a relationship is a huge red-flag and a turn off. If he can't respect you regarding how you feel about tinder apps, he won't respect you with other things in the future. he's not a keeper. just move on. find a guy who does NC (no contact) with ex'es. only those guys are the most trustworthy and respectful. you deserve better. Thank you so much for your advice! He never spoke to her. He just stalks her social media and also kept all her photos on his phone.
Giraffe-A Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 You very much did the right thing. Words and actions have to match in a man in order to believe him. Snapchat, green card and the ex are big red flags but based on his culture, not being introduced to his family is the biggest red flag. Sleep well knowing you did the right thing. 1
Author Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 You very much did the right thing. Words and actions have to match in a man in order to believe him. Snapchat, green card and the ex are big red flags but based on his culture, not being introduced to his family is the biggest red flag. Sleep well knowing you did the right thing. Thank you so so so much!
Gretchen12 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Yup, if you feel free, you did the right thing.
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Come on... I was a foreigner on a work visa and my boyfriend married me. Not all women are only after that. I would have never married him if I didn't love him. This alone would make me nervous, I had some Russian women contact me on Match, I already know what the are after. 1
guest569 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I agree that him being on tinder and chatting to these other women is cheating. Not okay and hard to forgive and move forward in the relationship when he is doing that and he thinks it is ok. You didn’t start an argument, he did the wrong thing. It’s also pretty reasonable that you feel sad about it and wonder if it’s the right thing because you miss him. But I think I would have done the same and ended it.
Author Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 I agree that him being on tinder and chatting to these other women is cheating. Not okay and hard to forgive and move forward in the relationship when he is doing that and he thinks it is ok. You didn’t start an argument, he did the wrong thing. It’s also pretty reasonable that you feel sad about it and wonder if it’s the right thing because you miss him. But I think I would have done the same and ended it. Thank you for your answer <3
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 This alone would make me nervous, I had some Russian women contact me on Match, I already know what the are after. Def agree, lots of foreigners with ulterior motives on dating sites. 2
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 You absolutely did the right thing! I know its hard, but go w/your instincts, not your heart. Not only do you not know him due to distance, he isn't over his ex.
Author Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 You absolutely did the right thing! I know its hard' date=' but go w/your instincts, not your heart. Not only do you not know him due to distance, he isn't over his ex.[/quote'] Thank you so much! He doesn’t live far though, I’ve been coming for his place for a year basically living there.
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Should have dumped him a long time ago....him not over his ex (among other red flags), checking up on her should have been a deal breaker. You deserve better than that, so why put up with it...not worth a fight, but worth a walk. 1
Author Janalily Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 Should have dumped him a long time ago....him not over his ex (among other red flags), checking up on her should have been a deal breaker. You deserve better than that, so why put up with it...not worth a fight, but worth a walk. Thank you so much for your advice!! I know, my gut was always telling me to go, this is not right, i deserve better. I guess I was just attached and my low self esteem kept me in the relationship. Thank You again 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Thank you so much! He doesn’t live far though, I’ve been coming for his place for a year basically living there. You made all that effort and he is still hung up on his ex NEXT! 1
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