Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 (edited) Happy New Year LS family. Soooooo, I finally met a guy from online dating in real life. The last day of 2018 we met for breakfast at 11am. Right away he told me I was cute and normal and shy. Then he suggested extending our date, and since there was nothing around, we went for drinks around noon:D. It went really well, we kissed in the bar, and then when he dropped me off at my car, we made out more. He said he would like to see me again, and even after midnight would be cool to meet again (I thought this was too soon but I liked him so). He was at his parents house, I had dinner with my friends. In meantime, he texted me how he cant stop thinking about kissing me. Around midnight, he text and ask to meet at one of the bars close to my house. I agreed. when the bar closed at 2am, he asked if he could come over to my place or i could go over to his. I refused and he found another bar to extend hanging out. He said that he never clicked THIS much with someone, and if I felt the same way. When I bluntly asked what, he jokingly said, ok i guess I am the only romantic one her. When we left the second bar, he dropped me off at my house, we made out again. He took off my bra, an started unzipping his pants. That is when I stopped and told him that he was pressuring me. He said he was sorry, and that it is not about sex only, and that he would like to see me multiple times. I got into the house and he told me to text him when I go to bed. I said I am in bed already, he replied ok, i am almost home, good night. I didnt see the last text and never replied. my question is: does he only want sex (hence saying all the right things, seeing me twice in a day, etc). btw I am not a prude, just sick of guys wanting sex only and their little games Edited January 1, 2019 by Annalie
Cersei Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 It is very possible that he only wants sex, yes. But you should go on a real date or 2 with no booze and see how that goes. If he is even interested in that. Don't write him off just yet but do get to know him better before going to anyone's house.
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Woman here, this is my take on this, and I speak from experience: yes he only wants sex...wanting to meet up at midnight, and already asking if you could go to his or him to yours...it's a no brainer. Him saying he can't stop thinking about you and all that crap is called love bombing. This is a tool guys use to get in your pants...by saying things a girl wants to hear to let her guard down. 1
Giraffe-A Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Yes. He olny wants sex. That line he said, “it’s not about sex, I want to see you multiple times,” is a sad giveaway on top of being asked to go to his house or yours. Ever watch Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Hillary Banks, would respond to compliments with, “I know right?!” See yourself as Hilary everyday or respond the way she does when you’re told your hot, or pretty etc. When you know you got it going in, you don’t get confused when a guy pay your a compliment. You should know your beauty is a given, so you finish your date, give him a peck on the cheek (not a make out session) and you tell him you enjoyed his company and wish to see him again. If this guy really does want to continue seeing you, he will continue inviting you to dates, not calling you to bars hoping you’re drunk enough to go to his place or yours. Undoing your bra? Uncool. Set some boundaries if you want to find something real. 1
Author Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 He just texted me good morning. I replied but I am not interested in having conversation with him right now, so it kinda just died. 1
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 He just texted me good morning. I replied but I am not interested in having conversation with him right now, so it kinda just died. Ya he gets it.....
ExpatInItaly Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 He just texted me good morning. I replied but I am not interested in having conversation with him right now, so it kinda just died. Well, yeah. It's done now. I would not have appreciated his pushiness either, and would have shut it down too. In the future, I would not invite a guy into my home on the first date, particularly when booze is involved and inhibitions are down. A goodbye kiss at the door would be sufficient to set that boundary. 1
Insoc Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Typical male move who only want's Sex and will likely move on when he get's what he wants or after you keep giving it to him and he get's bored. Take it from a Man, (I don't fly this way with Women) but I know many who do/did. I had Women come on to me on Match for Sex only, sent nudes (very attractive women too) and I turned them down saying I want more than a "hook-up" or a "one night stand", my friends told me I have a loose screw when I showed them the pics, but that's just me. I want a balance and a LTR, a lot of guy's only think with the head between their legs, that won't make a relationship last. My Ex is currently doing this with a 35 year old guy, she is 51, she will soon find out after he get's bored, I don't ask but she thinks it will get me jealous telling me about it, sex and details. I told her, "it's funny, none of this bothers me or makes me jealous". I said don't call me when he dumps you and your crying. 1
Author Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 Well, yeah. It's done now. I would not have appreciated his pushiness either, and would have shut it down too. In the future, I would not invite a guy into my home on the first date, particularly when booze is involved and inhibitions are down. A goodbye kiss at the door would be sufficient to set that boundary. I didnt invite him into my home, he dropped me off. We made out in the car.
BC1980 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 It does sound like he only wants sex if you allow it. Inviting a guy to your home so early conveys that you are open to sleeping with him. It's also unsafe because you don't know him. I don't think it's a good idea to let someone know where you live until you know them better.
BC1980 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 I didnt invite him into my home, he dropped me off. We made out in the car. I just saw this. That does add a different dimension to it. You were smart not to let him in because you don't know him. There are all kinds of crazies out there.
Author Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 It does sound like he only wants sex if you allow it. Inviting a guy to your home so early conveys that you are open to sleeping with him. It's also unsafe because you don't know him. I don't think it's a good idea to let someone know where you live until you know them better. I DID NOT INVITE HIM INTO MY HOUSE. He asked if we could hang out there or at his house and I said no. So, we went to another bar that was still open at 2am. Then he dropped me off at my house (he never left the car except to open the door for me)
Author Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 I just saw this. That does add a different dimension to it. You were smart not to let him in because you don't know him. There are all kinds of crazies out there. I know, thank you for your reply. Sorry, I got frustrated with people telling me not to invite strangers. I would never invite someone over then complain they only want sex. Yeah, duh What bothers me is that this guy asked once, I said no, but then he also got really "aggressive" in the car (not physically aggressive but taking off my bra, etc)
edgygirl Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Okay but how did he get to unzip your bra? Don't let men get even close there on first dates next time if you're looking for something real. I DID NOT INVITE HIM INTO MY HOUSE. He asked if we could hang out there or at his house and I said no. So, we went to another bar that was still open at 2am. Then he dropped me off at my house (he never left the car except to open the door for me) Total jerk who only wants to get laid. Next. What bothers me is that this guy asked once, I said no, but then he also got really "aggressive" in the car (not physically aggressive but taking off my bra, etc)
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Ya after his suggestion to go to someone's house, should have put the brakes on with making out. Thank goodness you didn't get raped.
Author Annalie Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 Okay but how did he get to unzip your bra? Don't let men get even close there on first dates next time if you're looking for something real. Total jerk who only wants to get laid. Next. Yeah, I guess I allowed a heavy make out session and he somehow rolled me on his side of the seat
Insoc Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Yeah, I guess I allowed a heavy make out session and he somehow rolled me on his side of the seat I know my limits with a woman when I take her out on a date, usually the first date I will hug and if it feels right, kiss on the lips and that's it. I did that on the last three dates I was on, the last one didn't seem ready for it but I did it anyways, she didn't pull away or turn her head, she was a little shy. That's as far as I go, if she reaches for something or keeps going, I may entertain, but I don't know if I'll go as far as having Sex on the first date, I'm kinda protective of my emotions and don't want to get hurt thinking that's it after it's over and I'll never see her again.
chillii Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 This will probably get hammered and l know plenty on forums even sleep with someone first date but you bet they're usually on here later asking where he's gone so to speak. IMO though and l've only ever done this myself too but a kiss and cuddle goodbye is plenty for a first date even second third, no bras no feelies, if he's genuinely interested he'll stick around. The fact he got aggressive when you said no to coming inside means he was only after the goods and pissed off. And aggression over that and so soon is def' not a good sign. But eh , if you like him and he calls again, you can always go out some more to be sure just don't get locked in a car with him or let things go anywhere until your good and ready.
Author Annalie Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 This will probably get hammered and l know plenty on forums even sleep with someone first date but you bet they're usually on here later asking where he's gone so to speak. IMO though and l've only ever done this myself too but a kiss and cuddle goodbye is plenty for a first date even second third, no bras no feelies, if he's genuinely interested he'll stick around. The fact he got aggressive when you said no to coming inside means he was only after the goods and pissed off. And aggression over that and so soon is def' not a good sign. But eh , if you like him and he calls again, you can always go out some more to be sure just don't get locked in a car with him or let things go anywhere until your good and ready. He didnt really get aggressive. Other than the issue, he was a perfect gentleman in the bar. He would open the door for me, ask if it was ok that he was kissing me when inside the bar, he would also kiss my cheek and hair while drinking at the bar. When I told him I was upset he stopped. He then got out of the car, opened the door for me. He is very calm and very educated (PhD), so I dont see him as a slightest threat when it comes to my safety but again... i will be careful. Today he asked me to see me again sometime next week. I said i would like to see you again. He responded with agree.
preraph Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 He's just trying to cram all these dates into one day in case you're one of those three dates and you have sex people. He has done nothing but talk about sex since you met him. His comments seem all geared to keep you interested in sex. He just wants sex. 1
Malin889 Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 If you feel uncomfortable then there’s a reason for that. I would definitely say a big red flag for the way he was acting. He just seems to want one thing. It’s up to you if you want to contact him again.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 I didnt invite him into my home, he dropped me off. We made out in the car. I made the assumption you were inside because you said he undid your bra and tried to take off his own pants. I didn't expect it got that far in a car, of all places. Anyway, I wouldn't bother seeing him again. You said no to having him at your house, and vice versa, so he tried for sex in a car instead. Not exactly a gentleman and not a very classy move. Up to you, but I would take a hard pass and find a man with more integrity.
ChatroomHero Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 It sounds like he might be just out for sex for sure, but it could be a matter of not ONLY wanting sex but ALSO wanting sex. I think the key here is the drinking and aggression on a 1st meeting. Probably 80/20 he was just looking to get laid.
Author Annalie Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 It sounds like he might be just out for sex for sure, but it could be a matter of not ONLY wanting sex but ALSO wanting sex. I think the key here is the drinking and aggression on a 1st meeting. Probably 80/20 he was just looking to get laid. Well, we were not really drunk. Again, at 1am, at the first bar, we ordered drinks, I had one sip and they told us, the bar is closing and we need to leave. The second bar, I had half of my one beer. And I had one drink earlier at the party, but with lots of food. Also, he wasn't aggressive, physically aggressive... he just acted... way too much too fast. I liked the fact that he texted me after I left and he texted me when he woke up the next day and throughout the day. That is the reason I agreed to see him again. However, it is going to be something like bowling and I am not going to his place (or having him at my place), and I will see how he behaves. In meantime, I agreed to another date with a different guy and i will see who is worth my time.
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