ConfusedHippo Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Opinions on boyfriend getting lunch with his ex girlfriend to "catch up"?
basil67 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 (edited) My opinion would depend on how close they are, how long ago they broke up and if there are residual feelings for either of them. Edited to add: is this the same "boyfriend" you wrote about earlier? Or someone new? Edited January 1, 2019 by basil67
nodramallama Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 And to add to Basil's post, it would also depend on how he told you he was meeting up with her, and if you expressed concern or questioned it, his response to you. Have you met her before? How long did they date and why did they break up? How frequently are they in communication? Is he open and transparent with you about their communication? Does he take care of your feelings otherwise? How long have you been dating him?
purplesoccer34 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 I think this would depend on a lot of things. Most importantly how long ago they broke up, what their friendship is like, and if any one of them has any hopes that they could get back together. If I were to grab lunch with my first ex-bf who I was with for a year, I can't imagine it raising any concerns. But that's because we were good friends for many many years before dating, are still a part of the same friends group and broke up more than 6 years ago. Furthermore, it was a mutual break-up, and when we ended the relationship we were done for good. Neither of us had ever tried to rekindle anything ever since, nor did we want to. Once we knew we had both completely moved on, we went to get lunch every so often, just like we had when we were growing up as friends. I look at him now and feel absolutely nothing other than friendship, and he feels the same about me. Once I started dating my current bf, my ex and I slightly cut down on the communication, but that's because he wants to be as respectful as possible of my current relationship.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Opinions on boyfriend getting lunch with his ex girlfriend to "catch up"? I'm not crazy about it but the other factors mentioned by other posters are important. In a different thread you said you have been with your BF for 4 years. If you can't trust him after all these years, what are you clinging to? 1
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 hey as long as he is up front about it, then there is nothing to worry about...it's just lunch. 2
Highndry Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 There's nothing good that can come from it, only bad. One party always wants something more. Exes are exes, NOT friends.
Malin889 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Didn’t he break up with you only to come back to you a few months ago? I’d be worrisome if only because of that. What was he doing during that time?
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Is this the same guy that was taking you for a ride, with you paying for everything, including meals and dates, all the while he said you were just friends, and wouldn't respond to your texts asking what he meant?
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 I was just curious what people thought about this. To me, I don't think I would ever find it acceptable. But it seems the general consensus here is that it depends. It is and isn't about my ex. I haven't been in contact with him besides the occasional run-in at school. The thought just enters my mind occasionally and bothers me, so I was just wondering.
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Contact with an EX really does depend. My husband has become independent friends with my HS BF. They met at my 25th reunion. I'm certainly not carrying a torch for some guy I dated when I was 17. Almost 20 years later, with my husband's full knowledge I did a business deal with my EX from grad school. That was a little weird / stressful but it was a profitable endeavor. Even though I didn't trust the guy with my heart, I trusted his integrity as a short term business partner (other than it bugged me that he didn't tell his wife how he & I knew each other. Actually I'm not even sure she knew the deal happened. It was very quick -- a few months. My husband was informed every step of the way) Do notice that both of those rekindlings came decades after the break ups. In the immediate aftermath just stay away from the other person.
Giraffe-A Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Well, he respected you enough to tell you. Maybe return the respect by trusting him. There’s really not much you can do other than express your reservations.
Author ConfusedHippo Posted January 2, 2019 Author Posted January 2, 2019 Well, he respected you enough to tell you. Maybe return the respect by trusting him. There’s really not much you can do other than express your reservations. He didn’t tell me until I noticed them texting and asked about it.
Giraffe-A Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 He didn’t tell me until I noticed them texting and asked about it. Uuurgh, then that changes everything. Invite yourself. If that were me, he can go have his lunch date but I’ll be long gone when returns.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 2, 2019 Posted January 2, 2019 Opinions on boyfriend getting lunch with his ex girlfriend to "catch up"? That would not be ok w/me under any circumstance, unless they have children. I would never let my bf see his ex nor would I ever see my ex.
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