Rainbowstars Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 (edited) I feel like I'm not suppose to be in this marriage or life deep down.. Lately I've felt very out of place within my marriage and nothing I seem to say gets through to my Husband. He is incredibly pursistant on keeping our marriage, but I feel this is not the life I should lead. I have very dark fetishes and things that I just don't think he will understand. He has tried suppressing this in me many times, but its just starts coming back out time and time again. He will come across it once in a rare while and say "Oh....yeah.." and walk off. In a previous thread it explains how we have been having very serious issues and that night I spoke to him about seeking marriage counseling. He just says "Yes we will...but we are okay." just to rub it off and start all over again. He will also try cuddling, laughing it off or try to move my feelings to his favor...it makes me lose my patience.. I feel its becoming more serious and the feeling, as well urges to escape are becoming overwhelming. I can't bring myself to have sex with him or force myself to kiss him on the lips anymore and I feel absolutely terrible...... He knows this and I feel is slightly turning away as well. He has mentioned how he feels I am falling out of love with him or doesn't understand why I won't have sex with him. I feel he is slightly approaching closer to knowing how I feel. Its honestly terrifying and not knowing where my future will end up feels dark. I don't want to stay for money, nice place to live or being able to feel secure, because it feels wrong if there is no emotion there. Of course I love him deeply, but the feeling I am constantly getting is this urge to break free. That my life wasn't meant to be this and that there are things I wish to do that he won't understand. I wanted to travel and teach in another Country, just leave and explore, but I can't do that now. I have this fetish of dressing in latex, but he finds it creepy however, this is the only way I know how to reach climax. I haven't got off since the 3rd time we were intimate and ever since, I've had to do this for myself. (Embarrassing sorry..) He also mentions my makeup being off, never says I am beautiful or pretty.. Controls my clothing or mentions something is wrong. I feel selfish saying this, but also feel so alone at the same time.. Can anyone lend their view or advice on this? What should I do or what is your take on this situation? I'm lose and not sure how to bounce back from this.. Edited January 1, 2019 by Rainbowstars
L0nely Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 since you have no kid with this man yet and you're already feeling this way, divorce. end it quick so you can start another life. if you wait longer, you might have a kid with him and things will be much more complicated. get out the sooner the better. good luck.
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 I agree that if this is not the life you want then you will have to leave to pursue the things you do want. But do a full honest and objective cost benefit analysis first... Be careful what you wish for. Truth is, the love of a good man can be difficult to find again in the "big bad world..."
FMW Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Divorce is a serious step which should be undertaken only after a lot of soul searching. But if the marriage is empty/dead, then don't stay in it out of fear of being alone. Being with the wrong person can feel much more lonely than being single in my experience. Either way, time continues to tick away - so either commit to working on your marriage, or divorce and set both you and your husband free to seek the fulfillment you are missing.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 If he has said that he knows you are falling out of love & pulling away that is your cue to revisit the idea of MC. If he acknowledges the former, it makes no sense that he won't engage in the later. I believe in fighting for a marriage. I also believe in compromise. Perhaps with a little help you can have some latex sex but not always & travel more. I think there are groups were you can get away for 2 weeks & teach or at least volunteer. Give it another try before you completely throw in the towel.
preraph Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Since he is loathe to try counseling, you should go alone. If you could offload this fetish, which therapy may well do for you, it would be an obstacle removed. Find a psychologist who can get to the root of where this started and dissect that and demystify it and take at least some of its power away. Fetishes always start somewhere.
supp Posted January 5, 2019 Posted January 5, 2019 the falling out of love has happened with me too in marriage. He discusted me and i felt not satisfied with him. I felt so guilty. I guess the best solution is to have a common interest or goal or desire that binds you and support from others. My family didnt support our uninon and we didnt have nothing in common and didnt value each other life views so it ended. But you can always pretend interest and warmth towards the goals he has. you just need to find out what are his goals are and get involved. I thoght before that strong means not to make concessions and beeing alone but the strongest trees are those that bend before the winds so not to break.
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