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Guy told me to slow down and we will see achother when we decide to?

sunflowerandclouds94

By sunflowerandclouds94
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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
Posted (edited)

I matched with a guy on bumble.

We exchanged about 8 messages and he asked to meet in person. I thought that was refreshing because he wanted to cut down the digital messaging and actually get a feel of a person organically. So he chose a bar and we met at 8pm. He didn't drink but I had a drink. We talked about some issues where we REALLY got along with. Like our ideals we're the same.

 

Our morals were the same as well. He complimented me on how smart I was and thought I was going to be successful later on. He made a joke that he doesn't know why I was talking to him (A slight hint of insecurity on his end) but for the most part he was confident. BUT then he said he likes to take acid, cocaine and get messed up for fun. He's adopted as well so I'm guessing parent issues. But I didn't judge him and he stated he's not doing any drugs or drinking anymore. But then he said he did shrooms last week.

 

He asked if I wanted to get out of there. We walked outside and he asked if he could come to my place or I could go to his but he would have to sneak me in. He says he lives with a "woman". I told him it's not that I don't want to but not on the first meeting. He said that's ok maybe when we hang out again. We were going to depart but then he asks for me to eat some pizza and walk around a few more minutes. It was very cold so I held on to his arm and we walked. We ate and then he drove me back to my car.

 

He then ended it saying " ok see you around". Felt like a complete blow off. But I thought we had similar thinking patterns and I wanted to keep in contact even if not romantic. I asked if he wanted to exchange numbers. He said we could remain in contact on the bumble app. I said um? Ok nvm then. He then said what? He didn't really think about it as a big deal. I ended up just asking for his phone and I put my number in there.

 

He kind of smirked/ laughed as in he didn't know how to say no. I just said goodnight. But I sent him a courtesy text saying nice talking to him but I was confused if he wanted to just hook up and that's it? He replied saying "My dear we only went on a single date. Calm down. We will see each other when we decide to. Don't think too deep." Which his response rubbed me the wrong way.

 

I was just asking a simple question. All he had to say was - nice talking to you to but I'm not interested. Or he could say I'm only looking for hook ups nothing serious. Why did he have to respond so condescending?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Giraffe-A Established Member

Giraffe-A

Posted
Posted

Asking to go to your house on a first date is a clear indicator that he wants sex and that’s it. I could barely read through the rest as all these red flags kept getting in the way. He didn’t get what he wanted and he’s letting you know by being cold.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

This guy would rub me the wrong way at the point when he said he did acid and coke for fun. All the rest is full of red flags. It's obvious he was mirroring you to look compatible to you. It was all BS to get you into bed..that is pretty obvious. And like he's going to admit to that he just wanted to hook up. This guy doesn't want you to have any access to him personally. He is a shady as they come. Please block/delete that number.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

Um, there is an avalanche of red flags here:sick:

 

Idk, a bit ironic that he's asking YOU to slow down when on the date he wasn't that slow. I think you need to take all the information you receive from someone to make sound decisions and judgements. The hypocrisy is not lost on me--he wanted what he wanted and when he wasn't getting it he cries take it slow.

 

That said, why in the world are you wanting him to "do the right thing" i.e. such as tell you where he really stands when he is already showing you he doesn't play by those set of rules? (with the examples he has shown you from his life and on the date with his behavior). I think it's important that you not rely on OTHERS to do what you have the ability to do, such as here. It's easier and more productive that you decide on your own that he is not worth it and you are not interested rather than lament that he should just be straightforward and upfront with you (or debate his real motives). Do you think how he acts is suitable for someone you would consider boyfriend (or even hookup) material? That's really the only question you need to answer. This one is an obvious no.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Um, there is an avalanche of red flags here:sick:

 

Idk, a bit ironic that he's asking YOU to slow down when on the date he wasn't that slow. I think you need to take all the information you receive from someone to make sound decisions and judgements. The hypocrisy is not lost on me--he wanted what he wanted and when he wasn't getting it he cries take it slow.

 

That said, why in the world are you wanting him to "do the right thing" i.e. such as tell you where he really stands when he is already showing you he doesn't play by those set of rules? (with the examples he has shown you from his life and on the date with his behavior). I think it's important that you not rely on OTHERS to do what you have the ability to do, such as here. It's easier and more productive that you decide on your own that he is not worth it and you are not interested rather than lament that he should just be straightforward and upfront with you (or debate his real motives). Do you think how he acts is suitable for someone you would consider boyfriend (or even hookup) material? That's really the only question you need to answer. This one is an obvious no.

 

I guess I have an issue where I want the last word and I want people to stop playing games and say what they want. I see here he is being cold with his actions so that's his way of verbally expressing himself. So I understand now. How annoying.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Posted

He was just trying to get sex. He has a woman of some type at home. Why he doesn't want to get in touch except through Bumble is either because he isn't interested (no sex) and doesn't plan on following up or because he has someone at home or elsewhere he doesn't want to see your communications. I"m afraid there's red flags all over this one.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
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He was just trying to get sex. He has a woman of some type at home. Why he doesn't want to get in touch except through Bumble is either because he isn't interested (no sex) and doesn't plan on following up or because he has someone at home or elsewhere he doesn't want to see your communications. I"m afraid there's red flags all over this one.

 

He must be in an open relationship. Hmm. Idk why he thought sneaking me in is considered appealing lol. Now that I look back it's just like wow

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It's interesting how things started to unravel through out the date and show what this guy is truly all about. His actions didn't match his words from the beginning.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Posted
He must be in an open relationship. Hmm. Idk why he thought sneaking me in is considered appealing lol. Now that I look back it's just like wow

 

 

Not necessarily, if he was in an open relationship, he would not have to "sneak you in", would he?

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
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It's interesting how things started to unravel through out the date and show what this guy is truly all about. His actions didn't match his words from the beginning.

 

I mean i couldn't screen him properly because he wanted to meet up within 3-4 messages. Which I thought was refreshing but then it went downhill from there

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Dating is about screening potential partners.

No-one wants to be "judgemental" - live and let live and all that but it is YOU that will literally have to live with that person and their "faults", so whilst there is no need to tear a strip off them right there and then, there is a need to think "Can I actually tolerate that in a partner? Would that be hell to live with? Would this person make me happy or will I end up sad and miserable?

People rarely change, so putting up with issues, in the hope you can change them long term, is a fool's errand.

  • Like 2
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Ugh that text! Makes me feel the need to have a shower. Glad he showed his true colours early.

  • Like 3
preraph Established Member

preraph

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He must be in an open relationship. Hmm. Idk why he thought sneaking me in is considered appealing lol. Now that I look back it's just like wow

 

Well, the one he lives with might not be his girlfriend, but why would he need to sneak you in, I wonder. But seems like he is hiding something.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
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Well, the one he lives with might not be his girlfriend, but why would he need to sneak you in, I wonder. But seems like he is hiding something.

 

Maybe a drug dealer on the side or something? Ill never know though. Best I don't either lol

  • Like 2
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
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I mean i couldn't screen him properly because he wanted to meet up within 3-4 messages. Which I thought was refreshing but then it went downhill from there

Oh for sure, You can never really tell what a person is like unless you do meet in person. I highly doubt he would have revealed much over text. Doesn't matter if they text you for weeks or a day, a creep is still going to be a creep. Some operate differently from others. You really have to be on guard. Unfortunately there is a need to weed through the crap before you find a keeper.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

He acted the way he did because that is who he is. You want him to be a good guy but he's not. He's a druggie who was looking for an easy hook up.

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