Garcon1986 Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 Hi what is the general consensus on - the difference between asking for healthy change in a relationship, and a dump worthy offense because you see the woman as somebody to be fixed?
eriel Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I think it varies from person to person, their previous experience with the issue and also the way you approach it. In general, if it's something they know deep down, they may welcome it. If it comes as a shocker and isn't something they think warrants changing, they may come off hostile but there is still some possibility of them coming round once they process what you said. Personally, I would want someone to tell me areas in which I could improve in. But I don't handle pressure well, so if I feel that I can acknowledge their point but I haven't the faintest clue what to do about it, and if I don't feel supported but criticised, I might start associating my partner with feelings of pressure and discomfort.
chillii Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 (edited) Most of us could use some tlc and a few repairs especially as we get older , it's only human and life no ones perfect. So l guess it all depend on how you feel about him or her and what you can live with what you can help with or work on together. lf it's all too much for you as compared to feelings, you'd move on l guess. ln my experience though if you really love each other then you'll go through a helluva lotta **** for each other if you have too and l'd never be interested in anyone that couldn't handle a bit of heat anyway. Edited December 30, 2018 by chillii
Gretchen12 Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 You outlined the difference yourself: one is about the relationship and the other is about her. Example of the first one (healthy change in the relationship) would be improved communication. Example of the second one (something that needs fixing in the woman) would be her drug addiction. The two are confused when, instead of saying "let's work on our communication", he (or she) says "you lack communication skills" (passing judgement on the person's worth) or "you refuse to communicate because you don't care" (questioning the relationship's value). These are destructive and not dealing in good faith. The partners in a romantic relationship are equal. It's not a doctor-patient relationship.
basil67 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 It's not about dumping them because you see them as someone to be fixed. It's about dumping them because their values or behaviour are not compatible with your own.
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