smackie9 Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 What would sorry? This: "She said last time we had a chat about this (about 2 months back) that she does miss me but doesnt feel the need to tell me".That's cold.
Author confused83 Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 There are just signs when i think someones not that intrrested. Its strange how im always thinking im over thinking it because whenever ive been down before shes always said how she loves me laods etc etc but actions are always opposite. She says she'd be gutted if we broke up but for example today she logs in and out of instagram just about every half hour, ive text her 2 hours ago and shes not even bothered to open whatsapp to read it. So to me again shes purposely ignoring it yet shes got time for instagram chats. Im as i say just not happy and i know when ive been in healthy relationships i dont even look at when they where last online because didnt need to. I feel like because im unhappy im acting in a way i dont even like about myself. Tonight ill ask for space and start the new year the right way
Malin889 Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 Thank you for the replies. I feel like ive made myself look clingy in this post as a lot of people are assuming im bombarding her with texts everyday so below is a text log from yesterday as we where planning on spending nye together so this is our entire days communication: 7.30am Me: tired today, would of been nice to be with you last night. Have a good day at work. X 2.17pm her: just had my dinner, yeah it would. Ill see you tomorrow come for 4 x 2.30pm me: ok. We'll make it special x 6.47pm me: if i need to bring anything else other than the pizza tomorrow let me know x 9pm her: just you is fine. Night x 9pm me: night hun x Thats it for an entire day. I know to some thats normal but to me its not enough. The texts also dont leave much for me to reoly too so i cant exactly kick up a conversation with her. As i say i also thought of 5 or 6 funny things i wanted to say yesterday but i felt guilty texting her so didnt bother. I will call it a day tonight when shes back from work. What i dont get is when weve spoke about it before shes massivley shocked that im complaining about it like im being strange seeing it as an issue. Thats why i know were arent right together. The exchange above does sound a bit cold. Why did you say “it woulda been nice to see you last night”? Did something happen?
Author confused83 Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 No nothings happened i was just being nice saying i basically missed her. Thats what our text chat is always like. Feel like i make the effort and get a few words back that doesnt extend the conversation. She does call me ar night but that's 5 mins at best
Malin889 Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 No nothings happened i was just being nice saying i basically missed her. Thats what our text chat is always like. Feel like i make the effort and get a few words back that doesnt extend the conversation. She does call me ar night but that's 5 mins at best It does sound a bit like maybe the relationship has run it’s course. Like I mentioned before, if you’re not happy... 1
Versacehottie Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 I see some of both sides. This is where you guys are now though and rather than try to place blame (she does sound a little checked out and/or you sound like what your needs are don't mesh with hers), i think you are at a crossroads where it's just time to decide what you want. I guess it would be nice if the answer was super clear cut (like she was a horrible person or had some big terrible secret) but most of the time among couples it isn't. You just have to go with your gut. I have to go back through the thread and read every post (which I haven't) but i would say in the future with whoever you date next, maybe try to appreciate who the person is and see if the puzzle piece (good analogy whoever wrote that above) fits with yours. One example i'm thinking of is that asking her friend to join you is not an inherently "bad" thing. Some partners will see her kindness, willingness to be inclusive and create a party, group atmosphere as a good thing and appreciate that in her as well as her on the go, less clingy vibe. The inverse can be said of your behavior. Some girls are dying for a guy who wants to spend more time with just her alone and let her know how much she is missed and take conversations in that direction--which isn't a "bad" thing either. You are just mismatched when you reach certain crucial points. I think the person (i.e. you) who longs to get reassurance and "live" the relationship fares worse and a cycle starts of where you attempt to express yourself, back off and she attempts to do more to your liking or retaliate as a way of preserving her independence or current state of things and it downward spirals for both of you. And you are both unsatisfied....like in this morning's text exchange. If you didn't tell us that you were a couple having problems, i see actually nothing wrong with the exchange. But you are unsatisfied (and she may be too) thus there is hidden meaning behind the words (such as "wish i could have spent it with you" is heavily weighted & actually does come off as needy with all that's been going on. Now she may or may not be aware of the needy vibe of that statement and thus either responds to it by being more matter of fact to reset the status quo and because she doesn't want to cave to the neediness (not attracted to it) or she could be blissfully unaware. I do think since you have talked to her a few times about your needs and she just keeps doing what she is doing it's more than likely she is aware but effectively blowing your statement off or refusing to feed into or reassure you. If this has gone on two months, i'd say she has no intention to change; she is checked out; she does not need to change because you are still together; she is turned off and hampered AS SHE IS by your behavior. I think it's very hard if one partner is feeling neglected and slighted by the other's normal behavior to turn that ship around. The patterns have set in and inherently you both are who you are. Good luck
Author confused83 Posted December 31, 2018 Author Posted December 31, 2018 I think the above has hit the nail on the head. Ive been thinking i dont want to change her as shes a lovely woman but i know she'll not want me to change either. We both go about acting ourselves and its constant frustration and resentment is building, i can feel it. I know deep down she'll not be massivley happy either as our communication when apart has got less and less to the point where its 2 or 3 texts a day. Ive just got back from hers, told her how i feel, she got upset and said she feels like shes always getting things wrong, i said i feel the same way that i cant seem to ever get it right and we agreed to end it. She didnt want me to go but i told her it isnt right and i think she'll see that eventually. Thanks for the help everyone but my gut said leave and currently i have to be honest, i dont feel like i miss her i just feel sad that ive upset her. Time to move on. 1
chillii Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 (edited) She can be a lovely woman but still have a very very low personalty,emotional, convo and time need from you. She does sound very low depth to me and tbh l'd be sorta expecting that from a 28yr old so into her friends and instagram, sounds like some of my 17yr old daughters friends, She might be the same with all those friends too who knows that might be all one word and one liners too, some people are just like that. Or maybe she's just not feeling it with you guys. Either way though don't think twisting her arm will help because she's either just not feeling it oe this is her through and through but it's no where near enough for you. And l don't blame you feeling how you are one bit, don't think she's the one for you sorry. ps, you might be amazed at the differences with someone else, she might be wanting double what you want now not 5% of it, she might talk all day all night with so much depth it strains your brain and still wanna be with you every minute. The differences between the right personality and feelings and the wrong ones are mind blowing. Edited December 31, 2018 by chillii
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