newyorker11356 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 There you go you just answered your own question. He needs to disappear and hang back a bit. Hah, if he does that you will feel those sparks you’ve been wanting to feel. You will finally get the feels. The question is, would he be brave enough to do it. Except that doesn't (mostly to be honest) really work. A woman that isn't interested in a guy won't care if he just disappears and hangs back, lol. I speak from experience.
snowboy91 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Interesting question - I did wonder and ask the same thing in a thread I started a little while ago here, but I feel that I can add a little more. I completely understand that "spark" - it's chemistry and it's sort of like lust but it's more of a raw, unreasoned drive to really want to be around that person. In my first two relationships I felt it immediately. I didn't feel it with my current partner immediately, but I did with a couple of other girls I went on dates with. (they didn't work out because of distance) It took me around 4-5 months to really feel a spark with my current partner, otherwise it was as you say, we were (are) very comfortable with each other. It's really up to you to decide how much value you want to put into the spark, but as others have said it does fade over time. So I perhaps think that it's less important if you're looking for a long term relationship, but it makes the early dating part a little less fun. What you need to consider is whether he would make a better partner or friend.
Author purplesoccer34 Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 Sparks come and go but there is different ways that it can develop. Some people get the spark instantly but some others may be a bit more shy and the spark develops through knowledge and trust of the other person. For me I can get the spark both ways but I always found when I get the spark early on it FADES over time. Some over months but some years depending oh the other person treats you. Ive found when I got to know someone through time the spark would arrive at an odd moment. Like when I was out with them and the setting or place if it was kind of right and romantic I would fall for or how they treated me over time. I remember working with a friend of mine. A female who I had no romantic feelings for but one day at work as she was talking to me for a while I felt something for her. So its odd how the spark arrives. In my opinion the initial spark isn't necessary. Its what we are taught but its a fairy tale or a story made up by Hollywood. In real life it will fade so I believe its important to start from somewhere to ignite that initial spark. Whether that's being from friends first and doing things together and having things in common to build something from. Very insightful--a lot of what you mentioned rings absolutely true to me. Especially the part about developing knowledge and trust of the person. Interesting what you said about the spark arriving at an moment. I've noticed that that has happened to me in the past as well.
Author purplesoccer34 Posted January 1, 2019 Author Posted January 1, 2019 (edited) Interesting question - I did wonder and ask the same thing in a thread I started a little while ago here, but I feel that I can add a little more. I completely understand that "spark" - it's chemistry and it's sort of like lust but it's more of a raw, unreasoned drive to really want to be around that person. In my first two relationships I felt it immediately. I didn't feel it with my current partner immediately, but I did with a couple of other girls I went on dates with. (they didn't work out because of distance) It took me around 4-5 months to really feel a spark with my current partner, otherwise it was as you say, we were (are) very comfortable with each other. It's really up to you to decide how much value you want to put into the spark, but as others have said it does fade over time. So I perhaps think that it's less important if you're looking for a long term relationship, but it makes the early dating part a little less fun. What you need to consider is whether he would make a better partner or friend. Interesting. How often did you see your current partner over those 4-5 months? And wow, what you've described in your thread is almost exactly the situation I am in at the moment. I think that's a good way to put it--the "spark" is that drive to really want to be around them. I do look forward to seeing this guy, but the excitement isn't quite there--yet. Edited January 1, 2019 by purplesoccer34
MaleIntuition Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Wow so many interesting answers here, thank you. I have noticed that every time I felt butterflies in the past, the relationship was unhealthy, or it was with someone I knew I couldn't have. Or there has been some uncertainty in the relationship. I believe this is the first relationship I'm experiencing that has no real issues--he's supportive, empathetic, a great communicator, and extremely caring. I'm not sure how badly I want to tear his clothes off, but I love kissing him. In fact, the first time he kissed me, I was completely over the moon. I was thinking about it all day long afterward. For some reason, every other kiss after that was enjoyable but not super electrifying. He is definitely my type both physically and personality-wise--which is why I'm even more baffled as to why I'm not feeling the sparks. Maybe this has more to do with me than him. Sparks... sparks... What you are describing sounds more like fear. Fear of social rejection and losing appetite because of anxiety and stress. Most people have probably experienced those feelings - the thrill of the chase, or the mental chase, if you will; and because we simultaneously experience lust and fear we perhaps confuse those two feelings to be something entirely different: A spark (?). When in reality it’s just fear and uncertainty. And yes, this is Exactly why so many “dating coaches” will tell guys to stay mysterious and don’t be overly clear about their intentions.
DKT3 Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 Sparks... sparks... What you are describing sounds more like fear. Fear of social rejection and losing appetite because of anxiety and stress. Most people have probably experienced those feelings - the thrill of the chase, or the mental chase, if you will; and because we simultaneously experience lust and fear we perhaps confuse those two feelings to be something entirely different: A spark (?). When in reality it’s just fear and uncertainty. And yes, this is Exactly why so many “dating coaches” will tell guys to stay mysterious and don’t be overly clear about their intentions. This is very true. I've found that many women are unwilling to accept this. Just as those in affairs cant accept it. It's the uncertainty. For OP she feels confident that she "has" her guy. As soon as he flakes or becomes less attainable boom she will have her spark. 1
fredfub Posted January 1, 2019 Posted January 1, 2019 trust me, "butterflies" are waaay over-rated It’s a woman thing. It’s always women talking about spark and butterflies.
Recommended Posts