reepokid Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 So I've been out with this woman 3 times. Honestly amazing dates. We text every single day, throughout the day. She texted me today to tell me she can't stop thinking about me, I told her I felt the same. So it's been incredible. But I really want to tell her that I don't want to date other people and just see her. But I don't want to freak her out and make her think i'm moving too fast -- We met online so i'm a little freaked out that she's going on other dates, so i'd like to have the chat. What do you think? Too soon or go for it?
Author reepokid Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 side note -- she hung out with a friend the other night, and made a point to text me to say, that it's not a date she's just going on with a friend. I didn't even bring it up.
fieldoflavender Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 Same thing happened to me recently. You just have to be mentally ready for their response and how you will react to it. If you're going to be bitter and resentful, then maybe you should wait until you have more certainty. Everyone decides at different speeds. I thought he wasn't still talking to other people, but he was. And what made it worse was that he wasn't ready to give up talking to other people. I am still hurt and angry about it. So prepare for the possibilities - of course if she says no she's not she is very happy with you, then best case scenario. But keep in mind, it could the other way too and what would be your reaction if so?
Lotsgoingon Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 Usually a good time to nail down exclusivity is before having sex. Before then, I don't want to force it. A caution ... True, you don't want to wait too long before going exclusive with someone you're serious about ... But ... on the other hand you can go exclusive too early, which I worry you might be doing. Making the exclusive commitment prematurely can interfere with the natural energy and growth and excitement (and tension!!!!) of an emerging relationship. Going exclusive early can put too many expectations on things. If you're not careful, you can go from I can't wait to hang out with her! to Oh, it's Friday, I should be hanging with her. You're in an exciting time discovery and newness right now. I'd just enjoy that. Sounds like guys are on the same page. She reassured you when out with a friend. That's pretty close to announcing exclusivity. I'd chill and let that excitement and tension build ... and really enjoy that intoxication of this new person. Exclusive commitment will come quite soon and very organically (without having to officially thin about it so seriously) if things are as hot as you describe them. Just my two cents. Good luck, brother.
Insoc Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 If it's going that good for you, then it means you are connecting, but I don't know when the right time is to tell the other person we are locked out of dating others? I just got back into dating and it seems with the online dating thing, women in general like to casual date lot's of men instead of getting locked in, at least the ones I met, they seem to be stuck on a loop, I think it's because they are coming out of long term marriages 20 to 30 years and want to sow their wild oats lol, if your are under 30, go for it because the older you get like me (50) you will have to likely deal with the same BS, it makes dating really difficult, the same can be said for Men, but since we pay the tab usually, it get's expensive.
basil67 Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 If it's going that good for you, then it means you are connecting, but I don't know when the right time is to tell the other person we are locked out of dating others?. Ah, here’s the thing: this isn’t a unilateral decision where one tells the other how it will be. Instead, it’s about having a conversation....talk about what you’re wanting and feeling and see if they are on the same page. 3
rightondude Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I'm kinda of the opinion if you have to say it, it's too soon 2
FMW Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I think most definitely if/when you have sex you have every right to talk about sexual exclusivity. If you aren't sexual yet then I don't think there's any harm in going ahead and bringing it up after 3 dates, just bring up the idea casually and see how she reacts.
rightondude Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I think most definitely if/when you have sex you have every right to talk about sexual exclusivity. If you aren't sexual yet then I don't think there's any harm in going ahead and bringing it up after 3 dates, just bring up the idea casually and see how she reacts. I dunno, to quote Seinfeld, that's a big matzo ball hanging out there ... "So....I was casually thinking we'd be exclusive to one another?" "hmmmm...nah, I'd like to casually keep my options open." AWKWARD 2
FMW Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 At least he'd know But yes, agreed, plenty of chance for awkwardness. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 1
preraph Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 For now, why not just tell her, You're the most interesting person I've met in a long time. Then just see what her response is but leave it at that. That's enough to encourage her but not scare her off if she isn't feeling that way yet. Depending how she does respond, if it has anything at all to lead into exclusivity, you could just say, I'm not really interested in anyone else since I met you and leave it at that for maybe a couple more weeks and see how it develops. I mean, being exclusive isn't really a big commitment. It really just means, Can we agree to focus on each other until we see if it's going to work. And it's WAY to early to know it it's going to work. Remember everyone is at their best behavior and trying to impress early on but the longer you know them, the more you see who each other really is. Exclusivity should always be presented as let's focus on each other and see where it goes, but let's both agree that if either of us feels there's no more momentum, we are just honest and tell the other asap. 1
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 Just be honest about it, that's all you can do. I don't see an issue with it if you two are hitting it off so well. I think you both are on the same page. And I'm never this optimistic lol.
Giraffe-A Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 3 dates seems a little too soon. But if she made it a point to assure you that she was not going on a date, she may already be on the same page as you. Take her on a date and bring it up then.
masonjar24 Posted December 30, 2018 Posted December 30, 2018 I agree with the post above this. If she goes out of her way to tell you it is not a date, she is starting to have the same feelings. I would be easy on trying to nail the exclusivity with her just yet. She is into you, if she is texting you all day, every day you are in a very good position. I know 3 dates, but how long have you guys been talking? Earlier this year I met a girl and we saw each other probably 10-15 times and she loved coming over and spending time with me. Though when I started pushing the envelope about being exclusive, the less I saw of her and heard from her. Leaving that little bit of mystery goes a long way in keeping women lured in.
fieldoflavender Posted December 31, 2018 Posted December 31, 2018 I agree with the post above this. If she goes out of her way to tell you it is not a date, she is starting to have the same feelings. I would be easy on trying to nail the exclusivity with her just yet. She is into you, if she is texting you all day, every day you are in a very good position. I know 3 dates, but how long have you guys been talking? Earlier this year I met a girl and we saw each other probably 10-15 times and she loved coming over and spending time with me. Though when I started pushing the envelope about being exclusive, the less I saw of her and heard from her. Leaving that little bit of mystery goes a long way in keeping women lured in. I disagree with this - thatÂ’s a long time and the only thing you didnÂ’t allow her to continue doing is delaying the inevitable and playing with your feelings and leading you on. ThatÂ’s plenty of time to figure it out and sheÂ’s just wanting to have her cake and eat it too. I donÂ’t know about 3 dates necessarily but at some point people know - but sometimes people know all along and are just prolonging time.
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