Is it okay to not talk or text daily early in the game of dating?

[Insoc]

I have been meeting women on Match, local and one long distance (didn't work out) anyways, a few I met we chatted daily either via text and/or phone, so there was rarely a lapse unless we were busy, then just a few texts. Some other woman though, were a few texts, days go by or a week, then maybe another text let's meet and then it ended, no 2nd date.

 

I just met another woman, she is somewhat local but a little further drive from me, around 1/2 hour or so. Anyways we don't talk or text daily, we had one date so far the other day, just met basically a few weeks ago or so on Match played phone tag and messaged and texted a few times, till we got a date booked in our schedules.

 

So with her, I'm not talking to her daily, on the phone or texting, does that seem normal or is that abnormal? Part of me takes it as maybe there isn't anything there, because other woman I met were more aggressive and wanted to at least text or chat once a day with me, even for 30 minutes to an hour if not longer. Maybe that's moving too fast, I dunno?

 

I even had one woman calling me all the time, which I'm not use to. I always chase it seems.

 

This woman is older, so I know she is of that generation that likes to be chased, so I don't know if I should message her daily, maybe wait a few days (we already texted each other once today, short responses). I don't want to move too fast or too slow, I just don't want to not appear disinterested, granted with the holidays upon us, it's not a great time.

 

So some advice here would be appreciated, thanks!

[Simple Logic]

Fine line being feeling pursued and seeing someone as high maintenance. Maybe ask the woman during a face to face discussion.

[Cersei]

You could test the waters with a funny meme. If she replies in a chatty manner you will have an idea if she likes texts or not.

 

Some love them (me) and some do not.

[d0nnivain]

I am that rare woman who felt smothered by daily contact. If a man started with the good morning daily contact I bolted because he was too clingy.

 

Understand I am the odd one here. From reading LS most people want to touch base often. Most think that since we have the technological ability to be in contact 24/7 we have the obligation to reach out. The refrain I hear / read most is it only takes a few seconds to text "hi". To me that is putting form over substance & making that contact an obligation.

 

That said, especially through OLD if you don't stay in touch the other person will most likely conclude you don't care. People today don't seem to understand that the level of communication they get from a new person they just started talking to / dating should not be the same level / frequency / intensity of how they interact with lifelong friends & family.

[frankspeci]

Just do what you feel comfortable with. I typically adapt to the person. If they text a lot, I'll text a bit more frequently than I would normally, but within reason. I wont let it get out of control.

 

If they dont text much its trickier, but I fall back and just use texting to plan dates essentially.

[mortensorchid]

It's a difficult call to make with people in general. I can tell you that as a woman I have learned that if after the first encounter if you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first encounter (be it a text or a call) then 90% of the time I will not hear from him again. Texting, however, has muddied our means of communication. Sometimes I will get a text from him the next day just with a polite thank you for the evening last night, and I respond with a thank you I did as well. And... that's it. But you must say to the person I would like to see you again, what9a good day/time for you? If they say something vague or distracted I know this won't go anywhere.

 

As for the woman being the aggressor? As in contacting the man with texts? It's rough, I think that turns them off.

[edgygirl]

Hmmm I love texting but not specially into memes. I specially hate when I get a meme out of nowhere from a prospective date.

 

As for me initiating texts and contact in the early stages... NO WAY. It's the guy's role to do that. I know it turns off men anyway.

 

You could test the waters with a funny meme. If she replies in a chatty manner you will have an idea if she likes texts or not.

 

Some love them (me) and some do not.

Edited December 29, 2018 by edgygirl

[smackie9]

I think the good morning text or the goodnight text is too much. But nothing wrong with having a conversation in the evening, to have some friendly banter. IMO if they are really diggin ya they are going to be reaching out. But it makes more sense to do that after a few dates, not before.

 

You are going to have to weigh it in by using your own personal experience. Just going by what you have posted, if they take forever to reply, have cold one word answers or don't engage or don't initiate, most likely that are not that into you right?

[Giraffe-A]

It would seem that younger girls prefer the daily communication why more guarded and older women can do without it as long as you make firm plans in advance and keep them.

 

I personally dislike constant chatter from a new date. They text all day or call you in the evening to chat for 4 hours to ensure you’re not on another date. I like stuff like him calling a few days in advance, stating there’s a place he would like to take me to on Thursday. I agree and says, see you then. I dont hear from him until early Thursday morning when he calls to verify the date. He is free to see and date others while so am I. If we begin to like our time together, then the dates increase. We discuss in person what we want. Everyone is different and has different communication needs.

[nospam99]

I'm an old guy. I tend to text minimally - usually just for something like letting her know I'm running late on my way to a date. I also don't phone much unless we're getting serious (and then I do want to phone every day we're apart). My communication style during the 'getting to know each other' phase of dating is to pile it all on during face-to-face time. So I'd have a problem with a woman who was expecting talk or text daily early in the game. Ironically, my latest dating partner dumped me a couple of days ago and one of her stated reasons was lack of communication over the long Christmas weekend when we were both spending time with our adult children.

[smackie9]

Ya so you never know right?

[Insoc]

It would seem that younger girls prefer the daily communication why more guarded and older women can do without it as long as you make firm plans in advance and keep them.

 

I personally dislike constant chatter from a new date. They text all day or call you in the evening to chat for 4 hours to ensure you’re not on another date. I like stuff like him calling a few days in advance, stating there’s a place he would like to take me to on Thursday. I agree and says, see you then. I dont hear from him until early Thursday morning when he calls to verify the date. He is free to see and date others while so am I. If we begin to like our time together, then the dates increase. We discuss in person what we want. Everyone is different and has different communication needs.

 

I did notice that on the age groups, the younger woman I met or was talking to texted me daily, some called daily instead, while the older woman around my age or above are less into that and are fine going a few days in between. I don't like perpetual texting, I prefer the phone and while I don't see a need to talk daily, I just don't want to send the wrong message until I get to know her and what she expects or is thinking.

 

I only had one date, we are both free to date other people, so it's not like I feel the need to keep tabs on her, I just want to let her know I'm interested and want to see her again.

 

I know she is old school in the respect to dating, want's the man to lead so I'm attempting to do that, but not be too pushy or overly aggressive too soon, I sent her a text this morning and said i want to see you again after the holidays are over, I left the door open and now the ball is in her court. If I get ghosted, so be it, not going to look too desperate (made that mistake before with texting), it's easy to do.

 

It is interesting on the views though, when I met my Ex, it was via long distance, we met via friends and she lived in another state, I would visit her occasionally as we dated, but we talked daily back in the days of ICQ and email and then switched to phone, but it was expensive had to use calling cards lol, we talked daily and for hours, maybe in retrospect too much but that's how it flew, suppose I'm still thinking that way, but it's likely not necessary and varies with the Woman.

[Insoc]

I'm an old guy. I tend to text minimally - usually just for something like letting her know I'm running late on my way to a date. I also don't phone much unless we're getting serious (and then I do want to phone every day we're apart). My communication style during the 'getting to know each other' phase of dating is to pile it all on during face-to-face time. So I'd have a problem with a woman who was expecting talk or text daily early in the game. Ironically, my latest dating partner dumped me a couple of days ago and one of her stated reasons was lack of communication over the long Christmas weekend when we were both spending time with our adult children.

 

I personally don't like to text, but I met a woman who was 41 on Match (long distance thing) she wanted to text all the time, and it just was too much, she misconstrued my words often and got upset or took what I said the wrong way, preferred talking to her on the phone but she wanted to text. Also she had a habit of disappearing during a text conversation without any warning, just vanished, no good night or got to go, just poof, then 2 hours later she responds or the next morning and didn't say jack about what happened. Must be the generation, I'd be courteous and say I got to go or talk more later.

 

So you were dumped due to lack of communication, see that's my concern, did you know her requirements upfront on this or didn't she make you aware? I mean I'm trying to figure out this woman and if she is okay with infrequent conversation, sometimes you are left to decide on your own which can end up being negative like in your case.

 

It's a tough nut to crack, on one side you don't want to look too clingy or desperate nor like you don't care to kindle the fire, which is what I'm trying to do, just keep the spark going.

[elaine567]

If a woman is interested I feel it is best to err on the side of over doing it rather than under doing it and giving the impression of low or no interest.

Yes you get women who will not want "smothered" or are cold fish, but if they get turned off then probably for the best.

Interested women want guys to show interest back.

 

If a woman is not interested, it really doesn't matter what you do, as whichever way you pitch it, it will be wrong...

[Lotsgoingon]

Sounds to me like you don't have a powerful connection with these women. So texting daily wouldn't fit.

 

Sounds like some of these are dates where both of you have a decent time, but there's no fire.

 

Texting, you should know, can be a colossal waste of time and completely misleading. Lots of texting does not equal lots of interest.

 

I think you'll find the communication satisfying (in whatever form or at whatever frequency) when you find someone that you have a powerful connection with. Then you'll want to share ideas ... discuss ... connect ... and that will naturally occur.

 

If there is not a powerful and strong connection after a date, then it makes sense you would not text daily or talk daily. What is there to talk about?

 

If you were REALLY into one of these women, you could contact them no matter what.

[Insoc]

If a woman is interested I feel it is best to err on the side of over doing it rather than under doing it and giving the impression of low or no interest.

Yes you get women who will not want "smothered" or are cold fish, but if they get turned off then probably for the best.

Interested women want guys to show interest back.

 

If a woman is not interested, it really doesn't matter what you do, as whichever way you pitch it, it will be wrong...

 

I just want to keep the fire alive, if there is one I think there is?

 

Suppose I will be me and show interest, but not be too much of PITA, till I can figure out where she stands then retract or forget about it. No two are the same it seems, it's a bit challenging to know what is right or what is wrong so early in the game.

[Insoc]

Sounds to me like you don't have a powerful connection with these women. So texting daily wouldn't fit.

 

Sounds like some of these are dates where both of you have a decent time, but there's no fire.

 

Texting, you should know, can be a colossal waste of time and completely misleading. Lots of texting does not equal lots of interest.

 

I think you'll find the communication satisfying (in whatever form or at whatever frequency) when you find someone that you have a powerful connection with. Then you'll want to share ideas ... discuss ... connect ... and that will naturally occur.

 

If there is not a powerful and strong connection after a date, then it makes sense you would not text daily or talk daily. What is there to talk about?

 

If you were REALLY into one of these women, you could contact them no matter what.

 

It varies female to female, I just met this woman, she is busy has a few kids though older a busy life indeed, I don't know her good enough to judge anything, but we had a nice 1st date, she invited me to her house after dinner and we spent more than a few hours together, no fooling around, just talked and chatted and I did see and felt something, just don't know what yet or if she is interested in doing a 2nd date?

 

I'll just see where it goes, not going to panic or worry about it, dating is a mixed bag it seems, I get woman who dis me yet are stilling looking at my profile can you say odd?

[Lotsgoingon]

I just met this woman, she is busy has a few kids though older a busy life indeed, I don't know her good enough to judge anything, but we had a nice 1st date, she invited me to her house after dinner and we spent more than a few hours together, no fooling around, just talked and chatted and I did see and felt something, just don't know what yet or if she is interested in doing a 2nd date?

 

Not a criticism at all ... but what you describe here is not a powerful connection. It's a polite, friendly date, but nothing powerful and compelling. I'd confident bet you money (if I knew you) that this date goes nowhere. Not that you two don't like each other .. but there's no electric here, no spark and as a result, no ignition.

 

On a date with real connection and chemistry, you will usually know (during the date and at the end) that the other person OVERWHELMINGLY wants to see you again. The other person will make themselves loud, clear and obvious, and you would feel their desire to see them again.

 

Therefore with people like this, it doesn't make sense to talk everyday. What is there to talk about? You'd be forcing things.

 

Instead, with a person like this, all you want to do is figure out a second date and go from there. If no spark on second date, then things aren't going to happen.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Insoc]

Not a criticism at all ... but what you describe here is not a powerful connection. It's a polite, friendly date, but nothing powerful and compelling. I'd confident bet you money (if I knew you) that this date goes nowhere. Not that you two don't like each other .. but there's no electric here, no spark and as a result, no ignition.

 

On a date with real connection and chemistry, you will usually know (during the date and at the end) that the other person OVERWHELMINGLY wants to see you again. The other person will make themselves loud, clear and obvious, and you would feel their desire to see them again.

 

Therefore with people like this, it doesn't make sense to talk everyday. What is there to talk about? You'd be forcing things.

 

Instead, with a person like this, all you want to do is figure out a second date and go from there. If no spark on second date, then things aren't going to happen.

 

Could be? Maybe I'm wasting my time with this one, but she came on to me, contacted me on Match and I asked her plenty of questions on why she was interested in me, she is a few years older than me, out of my age range settings, but she looks much younger, she even said I thought my age would rule me out but please don't use that against me.

 

We talked on the phone a few times, texted then recently met, not sure yet what to think to be honest. She lives a busy life, so I give her some slack till I can figure it all out. I have made knee jerk reactions before and figured out it was all in my head and felt like a total idiot, I don't want to keep making the same mistakes, paranoid ones.

 

We had a great time together, longest 1st date I ever had, most are 2 hours tops, this one was 6 hours total together, but what you say might be true. She might be reserved hoping to not move too fast with me too, I got that impression. She flat out told me she likes the man to take the lead, so I'm doing so.

 

Sooner or later I'll know if there is nothing there and move on.