How to respond to being blown off via Text?

[Insoc]

But it's the norm in some European countries ie France, to have extra marital affairs, mistresses, lovers, etc. out side the marriage.

 

She is Swedish and told me the last guy she got serious with cheated on her, she wasn't too happy about it, so sorta tested my loyalty during the date, I assured her I'm not like that and very loyal, she seemed to trust my thoughts.

 

She is very attractive, typical Swede, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, I figured a lot of men contact her on Match, it's all timing. I heard stories of how many inquiries Women get vs. Men it's like 100 to 1 or some crazy number, so it's easy for a Woman to sit there and feel like the corral is nicely stocked while most Men likely get few contacts, I get them but often from women I'm not attracted or have anything in common with. I have sent messages to women on Match and noticed some are never even read, it tells you when it's read, so I can imagine what their inbox looks like, overflowing with inquires both cheesy and classy, mine are always classy and based on their pics or profiles along with similar interests, many go unanswered.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Insoc

[Versacehottie]

Yes I'm currently separated, but filed for divorce it's California's 6 month rule, nothing I can do about it, you can file for Separation which people do, I filed for Divorce so on Match the only option is "Currently Separated", which confuses a lot of women because "Separation" typically takes years often, if you have kids, I don't but the stigma still sticks.

 

Having that status is a big negative on Match, it's severely limiting me on choices, at least several woman I see as a good match for me, attracted to and have similar interests, some flat out tell me "your not available" but reach out to me when you are divorced or just flat out "not interested", so now when I see profiles, I don't contact them unless they have "Currently Separated" in their "looking for" section.

 

Yeah sorry to hear that. I do think that when potential dates weigh pros and cons in their heads that's a con for most. It's a risk and without much traction you would have to make a tremendous impact to overcome that with a lot of women (i'm guessing the majority of good catches but of course I could be wrong). I think it's a good plan to only choose people who are not opposed to it because you already know they have more open minds than not about that subject (or at least they say so). I guess you always have to consider what your goal is, right? Is your goal to just date around until you feel ready for another relationship? Or is it to meet someone who you could have long term potential with about now? If it's long term potential, I think you should wait the 6 months so you could have a wider, statistically better pool of people to choose from (like you have planned after the remaining date/new year). If it's just to date around, maybe change to tinder?

 

Glad you decided to respond and think you said the right thing. No need to throw in "if things change you know where i am". That's not specifically desperate but depending on the person who says it it could be. I think the fact that you handled it well implies that and hopefully she would if her situation changes. Like you've said later in this thread, you were talking to 3 other people when you started talking to her, so it's at least plausible by your own situation that one of her other ones worked out first or was farther along. That doesn't make you second best at all, just not the right timing or amount of investment when the decision needed to be made. There are SO many factors that go into what makes the right person for us to date and end up with that it'd be silly to boil it down to that one point OR be bitter about it. Also not a good residual feeling for you to carry around. Neither of you did anything wrong. good luck in 2019!

Edited December 29, 2018 by Versacehottie

[Purepony]

It’s OK we’ve all been there I’ve gotten that a few times to when I do if I reply It’s just something like no worries I understand thanks for the opportunity and take care

 

It always leaves the door open and believe it or not I’ve had a few come back several months later sometimes even years later so you never know

 

In the meantime just talk to more women so you can have more numbers because when it comes to women you got 2 have about 3 to 4 at all times because some of them flake some of them lose interest or some of them aren’t ready for a relationship

 

Then just narrow as you go

 

But don’t listen to me I’m not the best at relationships hahah

[reepokid]

She was honest -- can't fault her for that. At least she didn't lead you on.

[Insoc]

Yeah sorry to hear that. I do think that when potential dates weigh pros and cons in their heads that's a con for most. It's a risk and without much traction you would have to make a tremendous impact to overcome that with a lot of women (i'm guessing the majority of good catches but of course I could be wrong). I think it's a good plan to only choose people who are not opposed to it because you already know they have more open minds than not about that subject (or at least they say so). I guess you always have to consider what your goal is, right? Is your goal to just date around until you feel ready for another relationship? Or is it to meet someone who you could have long term potential with about now? If it's long term potential, I think you should wait the 6 months so you could have a wider, statistically better pool of people to choose from (like you have planned after the remaining date/new year). If it's just to date around, maybe change to tinder?

 

Glad you decided to respond and think you said the right thing. No need to throw in "if things change you know where i am". That's not specifically desperate but depending on the person who says it it could be. I think the fact that you handled it well implies that and hopefully she would if her situation changes. Like you've said later in this thread, you were talking to 3 other people when you started talking to her, so it's at least plausible by your own situation that one of her other ones worked out first or was farther along. That doesn't make you second best at all, just not the right timing or amount of investment when the decision needed to be made. There are SO many factors that go into what makes the right person for us to date and end up with that it'd be silly to boil it down to that one point OR be bitter about it. Also not a good residual feeling for you to carry around. Neither of you did anything wrong. good luck in 2019!

 

You make some good points, I'm planning on hiding my profile soon, not getting involved with anyone else, just ride it out till I can put "Divorced" in my Status, would make a world of a difference with the pool size.

 

I'm looking to casually date at first, but if I meet the right person, maybe LTR but who knows? I'm not really looking for a LTR right now, maybe in a year or so? Dating can be expensive depending on where you go out to dinner, and it's a lot of work to keep meeting new people, playing the game and then either having success or finding you wasted your time, you never know what to expect sometimes, I meet some dates who are serious and there is chemistry but it often burns out, based on my status or my inexperience in dating, face it I have been out of the game for a real long time.

 

I screwed up a couple because of this, I know it was my fault and i don't want to keep making the same mistakes over and over.

 

I'm not expecting this Swedish Woman to contact me again if it falls through with the other guy, never experienced that before but who knows? For all I know it could be BS and she is just blowing me off to keep searching, you never really know? I was professional about it and nice, but when I put myself in those shoes, if I told someone that, I would be embarrassed to reach out to them again if I changed my mind and likely wouldn't do it. It's like accepting a counteroffer at work when you already told them your leaving, it's never the same.

[Insoc]

It’s OK we’ve all been there I’ve gotten that a few times to when I do if I reply It’s just something like no worries I understand thanks for the opportunity and take care

 

It always leaves the door open and believe it or not I’ve had a few come back several months later sometimes even years later so you never know

 

In the meantime just talk to more women so you can have more numbers because when it comes to women you got 2 have about 3 to 4 at all times because some of them flake some of them lose interest or some of them aren’t ready for a relationship

 

Then just narrow as you go

 

But don’t listen to me I’m not the best at relationships hahah

 

 

I'm expecting more as I continue this dating game, but I'm close to just staying single and hiding my Match profile till my Divorce is final, just not worth the hassle anymore.

 

I need to make a decision on this after the New Year, likely will do it because I'm not too marketable now with my status on Match.

 

As stated, I don't expect to hear back from her ever and it's okay, I would never tell someone best of luck on your search, your a great woman, then 2 months later reach out and say "hi how are you doing, are you still looking do you want to go out again? I dunno, maybe that's just me? Ackward if you ask me, but I'm sure it happens.

 

Some women like men who are full of problems, get in fights yet reconnect with them, so anything is possible in this day and age.

[Mrs._December]

I disagree with saying nothing.

 

It just makes you look like you're pouting or that you're mad that you didn't get your own way and refuse to answer her. And that just makes you look immature and foolish.

 

As Bathtub-Row correctly suggested, just send back a gracious, "thanks for letting me know and I wish you all the best" reply. Jeez, I don't understand why some people have to act as though this is some kind of war game strategy that you have to win when it's just simple common human courtesy and NOTHING more.

[preraph]

She was honest. Most would have just ghosted you. You don't need to reply, but if you do, it would just be "Good luck."

[TheFinalWord]

True, I just don't like sounding desperate, I did this with another woman I met who blew me off, I said "well if doesn't work out and I haven't found "the one" you know how to get a hold of me", she said "life is strange, you never know our paths may cross". I sorta felt after sending it, like I'm sounding desperate and I look weak, so I dunno to be honest?

 

My response to her was neutral, I thanked her for being transparent and said good luck with everything. She can reach out to me if she wants, but I sorta feel many women say their peace and that's it and likely feel they burned future chances with a guy they may have liked but were not as connected to due to timing with someone else. So reaching out again to them, may seem weak or not worth it. YMMV I never had anyone do it yet, but I have limited experience in this.

 

 

Nah, I don't think it makes you look weak. You're letting her go and do what she wants. Looking weak is when you act all offended or try to argue with her. I always leave the door open, because you don't really know the full story. When you send the message though, you have to genuinely not care and let her go. You probably won't hear from her again. But you might and if she's hot, and it doesn't work with this guy, she may remember you two had a good date and you didn't get all mad at her. In my mind, that's a positive.

 

 

Are you connected with her on social media?

[Insoc]

I disagree with saying nothing.

 

It just makes you look like you're pouting or that you're mad that you didn't get your own way and refuse to answer her. And that just makes you look immature and foolish.

 

As Bathtub-Row correctly suggested, just send back a gracious, "thanks for letting me know and I wish you all the best" reply. Jeez, I don't understand why some people have to act as though this is some kind of war game strategy that you have to win when it's just simple common human courtesy and NOTHING more.

 

I thought about it and decided after the nice date we had, how she was a person, and well how she kissed me at the end, that I respected her and how she was, so I sent her a short response, basically saying thanks for letting me know and the nice words, and said good luck with everything.

[Insoc]

Nah, I don't think it makes you look weak. You're letting her go and do what she wants. Looking weak is when you act all offended or try to argue with her. I always leave the door open, because you don't really know the full story. When you send the message though, you have to genuinely not care and let her go. You probably won't hear from her again. But you might and if she's hot, and it doesn't work with this guy, she may remember you two had a good date and you didn't get all mad at her. In my mind, that's a positive.

 

 

Are you connected with her on social media?

 

I wasn't mad at her, she is "hot" for a 48 year old Swedish chic, they tend to age well. I don't expect to hear back from her, but my message was not mad or negative, I didn't say "well if it doesn't work out I'm here", I kinda hate saying that, like I'm waiting for her, when I'm not, I let her go and she likely knows I'll find someone in the meantime, so why bother contacting me again? I do plan to go Single soon and not date, till my D is final, so if she see's that and wants to try me again, she is welcome, but it's not something I'd do with someone I blew off nicely.

 

I met her on Match.com, no social media I don't do that stuff, but her FB page is open, she told me about it.

[Insoc]

She was honest. Most would have just ghosted you. You don't need to reply, but if you do, it would just be "Good luck."

 

Well she did "ghost me" for a week and the response took over 24 hours +, yet she was on Match the entire week and even made her profile hidden for 2 days, like she was unsure what she was going to do, I know some Women want to mull it over before dropping the bomb, because usually there is no turning back for many, so she may have been thinking about it, who knows? The fact she is still on Match doesn't paint a great picture of what she said being the truth, so she may have just let me go softly.

[Highndry]

I would guess that a 50 yo guy living in rented rooms with housemates will not be seen as much of a "catch" to most women looking for a real relationship.

 

 

This is the kind of shallow thinking that leads women to make terrible choices, passing up guys who are high quality but fly under the radar in favor of guys who are keeping up appearances, as if a guy who's not levered up in real estate can't have a "real relationship." I mean, how stupid.

 

I'm not in my 50s, but at first glance a woman might look at my older vehicle or the fact that I don't own a house and jump to a conclusion that I must be poor or something. Then, they could look at some of my friends and think they're loaded with their new vehicles, fancy house, toys, etc., nevermind the fact that I could pay off their mortgage in cash and they're living paycheck to paycheck.

[Insoc]

This is the kind of shallow thinking that leads women to make terrible choices, passing up guys who are high quality but fly under the radar in favor of guys who are keeping up appearances, as if a guy who's not levered up in real estate can't have a "real relationship." I mean, how stupid.

 

I'm not in my 50s, but at first glance a woman might look at my older vehicle or the fact that I don't own a house and jump to a conclusion that I must be poor or something. Then, they could look at some of my friends and think they're loaded with their new vehicles, fancy house, toys, etc., nevermind the fact that I could pay off their mortgage in cash and they're living paycheck to paycheck.

 

LOL I totally missed that line, tells you how much I reading everyone's post in here LOL!

 

BTW to the original poster of that line, I'm living in a rented room only for a temporary time, it's a tactical choice because I'm likely leaving the area I'm living in for another area to make more money, so I'm saving up nicely to may my exit in a few months.

 

This Swedish Woman's Ex Husband is living in a small 1 bedroom apartment, she told me because he is paying perpetual alimony to her and cannot afford anything nicer LOL, we all live in SOCAL it's not cheap here!

 

So my temporary housing situation has nothing to do with her choice, not sure how most of these woman I met can feel good about milking their hardworking exes for alimony and not working an honest job, several I met are going on vacations all the time around the world to exotic locations and posting pics on their profiles, but have kids and only show salaries of $60K/year, buying new cars and houses and don't even work a full-time job and don't want to get married (they told me) because they will lose it.

 

So on the flip side, any negative views on a man living in a rented room looks "bad", how do you think it looks to me meeting these woman who are living high on the hog because they were married 10 years + which = perpetual alimony in CA, if you have kids even more $$ comes in till they turn a certain age. I have "Financially Independent" in my profile, that is I'm looking for a woman is such, but not milking it from their Ex without hard work lol! It looks quite bad to be honest and you can tell it bothers them when they tell you about it and how their kids say things about what "Dad say's".

 

This Swedish woman even told me that she knows my situation and it's common for most Men and she doesn't look down on it, meanwhile my Ex is in our rented house for a few more months having sex with a 35 year old guy, yep she tells me this crap, and I'm like (to myself), well enjoy it while it last because your future is a rented room with a bunch of divorced or old maid cat lady females lol. Lucky for me only married for 8 years, so that's 4 years of support and I don't make a lot of money, so she won't get much and doesn't work, so what she will get will barely cover rent for a 1 bedroom apartment. LOL

 

Lastly to mention I think she (The Swede) just blew me off with a fake reason, don't think there is "another guy" she is still showing on my Match contacts as being online as I type this and saw her online the past two days lol, so whether not it was a true statement, leaves a lot to be desired, you wouldn't be on match still searching at 12 midnight if you found someone, just saying. You can take what people say via text for what it is, often nothing. I stuck to my guns and was professional even though I really did not believe her statement, not "butt hurt" here just saying. That's why I think it's best to just ghost, instead of making fake statements that don't hold water.

Edited December 30, 2018 by Insoc

[Art_Critic]

you wouldn't be on match still searching at 12 midnight if you found someone, just saying. You can take what people say via text for what it is, often nothing.

 

So it seems she most likely wasn't being honest and nice.. she was just trying to get rid of you and could care a less about you so she lied to you.. cool...

 

I guess sending the text reply to her lie wasn't needed then...

 

Next......

[Insoc]

So it seems she most likely wasn't being honest and nice.. she was just trying to get rid of you and could care a less about you so she lied to you.. cool...

 

I guess sending the text reply to her lie wasn't needed then...

 

Next......

 

Bingo, I should have put a little more thought into responding, but I didn't. Oh well? Maybe my response will make her feel even more guilty, that's the way I look at it, kill them with kindness right? haha!

[beentheredonethat77]

I would guess that a 50 yo guy living in rented rooms with housemates will not be seen as much of a "catch" to most women looking for a real relationship.

 

This. Major turn-off im afraid.