How to respond to being blown off via Text?

[Insoc]

At your age your might want to start thinking about being the MILF MEISTER. Lots of single moms just want some f*ck-stick.

 

LOL, made me laugh, thanks I needed that.

 

I thought it was DILF for us men of the age?

 

Well my ex is doing that with a 35 year old, she is 51, no joke she is flamboyantly open about it in some lame attempt to make me jealous. She has the house, I'm living in a rented room, so no boom boom for me here, no privacy, my male housemates (also divorced) all abide by this rule, seems here all the woman get the house and the men move out into rented rooms or studio apartments. I guess that's an option, but it's not what I'm looking for, I want a serious LTR again, with someone to grow old with. I know, lame but that's me, old school.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Insoc

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

..but it's not what I'm looking for, I want a serious LTR again, with someone to grow old with. I know, lame but that's me, old school.

 

 

I hear that. But boom boom is boom boom. It never gets old.

[bathtub-row]

Thanks for the replies, not hoping for a rebound with her at all, just wanted to know some opinions, looks like it's more Nay than Yay...so be it.

 

Still don't get why Women always say that at the end "You're a Wonderful Man" "A Great Guy" and blah blah blah, I heard it before, been blown off a few times all end this way. Is that being nice, like what does it matter what you think about me lol.

 

It’s far better than being told you’re a jerk, no?

[Art_Critic]

say and do NOTHING

 

I'm in this camp.. while she was being nice in communicating that it isn't going to work she didn't have to say that she meant someone else and in effect said you weren't good enough for her.

 

That's almost like an apology that blames the victim...

 

Bullet dodged...

[elaine567]

She has the house, I'm living in a rented room, so no boom boom for me here, no privacy, my male housemates (also divorced) all abide by this rule, seems here all the woman get the house and the men move out into rented rooms or studio apartments. I guess that's an option, but it's not what I'm looking for, I want a serious LTR again, with someone to grow old with. I know, lame but that's me, old school.

 

I would guess that a 50 yo guy living in rented rooms with housemates will not be seen as much of a "catch" to most women looking for a real relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, for the record, some men deliver the “you’re a great woman”-line too, when breaking up with them.

[Versacehottie]

I usually take a response like that as a adios and see that cowboy fading off into the sunset, I think she was delaying a response to me because of that fact she was unsure, I had another woman do that to me, saying she paused over the weekend to think about it, didn't want to make a "knee jerk decision", because she has before and burned her bridges. I heard stories of this happening where two people reconnected, but for me it's like being turned down for a job offer, if they come back after the fact because the other guy quit 3 days later, it makes you feel 2nd best, no thanks.

 

I'll move on and forget, I'm new to this dating thing, it's all via Match.com and I have had a few that went this way, sorta get use to it.

 

Well sure it can be more of an excuse, nice let down and adios than just someone else was there first so she is going to give that a chance. Idk, i just don't think someone let's you feel "second best" unless you do feel that way internally. Responding with confidence is a way to counter whatever. People take themselves so seriously. It's it really that damaging to say "thanks for letting me know and good luck"? How does that hurt you? I don't think a non-reply is any better. In fact, it might show that you are butt hurt. Wonder if some of the same people who have said "ghosting" (defined by them as any amount of dates including just 1) is unacceptable? Yet when this person gives you an explanation, it's ok to not reply? Anyway i think it's worthy of an experiment if you don't really care, right?

 

Also are you separated? Did i read that right? I would just think that will skew your results significantly more than a single person. If girls are attracted enough to go one date but then very sensitive and overly discriminating that you need to be over and above and connection out of this world and they are looking for clues in your conversations about how over your ex-wife you are. Then they need to justify not continuing to date you without coming right out and saying it because it makes them look bad that they went in the first place or they don't want to debate with you. Anyway I think it would make it hard so i guess you just need to take that into consideration. Good luck--see how easy that is!

[Giraffe-A]

You rarely get honesty like that. I would follow up with a text thanking her for her honesty and hope it works out for her. If it doesn’t then she may want to give you a shot next time. At this point, she really doesn’t know much about you to make you feel like she chose him over you. You just keep moving forward.

[smackie9]

OK damned if they do and damned if they don't. We have soooooo many people say "I wish they could just be honest with me" and yet when they are, it still never sits right with them.

 

I say put yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself, how would you like their response to be? Of course you would like "OK thanks for letting me know, all the best to you."A little politeness (and I'm not saying this because I'm Canadian), can go a long way.

 

You just never know someone they know is interested in going on a date with you down the road. Wouldn't you like to be remembered as the guy that was gracious with the rejection? instead of acting butt-hurt by not responding?

[Insoc]

It’s far better than being told you’re a jerk, no?

 

I never been told that even one long distance fling I had a few weeks ago, she didn't call me a jerk, a-hole or anything negative, which surprised me. I pretty much told her it was over and felt like I was being played.

 

That was probably the only time where I should have been called a "jerk", I'm still amazed the woman didn't call me that. She like's men who are rough around the edges, likely why and there may still be some attraction to my issues lol.

[Art_Critic]

OK damned if they do and damned if they don't. We have soooooo many people say "I wish they could just be honest with me" and yet when they are, it still never sits right with them.

 

and that is true... she was nice enough to reply and let him in on her decision to not date him anymore, honestly though she didn't need to add the other stuff about seeing anyone else instead though.. that was a bit mean spirited if you ask me.. maybe she did it to end it "right then and there" though so he didn't reply again...

 

IMO she wasn't as nice as she was direct which is why I felt he dodged a bullet..

[Insoc]

OP, for the record, some men deliver the “you’re a great woman”-line too, when breaking up with them.

 

I never had the luxury to say that, hmm wonder if I could do it. Of course I haven't met anyone yet who was more into me than I was into them, I'm relatively new to this dating thing, so in time maybe. I kinda would feel bad doing it, if someone contacts me and i don't see any attraction or similar interests, I don't respond, if I go on a date with someone and there is nothing, I don't follow-up with them, they get the message.

[elaine567]

The woman essentially ghosted you over Xmas whilst she went on dates with some other guy... leaving you hanging "till after the holidays".

The time for "honesty" was before she went on these dates not now...

[Insoc]

Well sure it can be more of an excuse, nice let down and adios than just someone else was there first so she is going to give that a chance. Idk, i just don't think someone let's you feel "second best" unless you do feel that way internally. Responding with confidence is a way to counter whatever. People take themselves so seriously. It's it really that damaging to say "thanks for letting me know and good luck"? How does that hurt you? I don't think a non-reply is any better. In fact, it might show that you are butt hurt. Wonder if some of the same people who have said "ghosting" (defined by them as any amount of dates including just 1) is unacceptable? Yet when this person gives you an explanation, it's ok to not reply? Anyway i think it's worthy of an experiment if you don't really care, right?

 

Also are you separated? Did i read that right? I would just think that will skew your results significantly more than a single person. If girls are attracted enough to go one date but then very sensitive and overly discriminating that you need to be over and above and connection out of this world and they are looking for clues in your conversations about how over your ex-wife you are. Then they need to justify not continuing to date you without coming right out and saying it because it makes them look bad that they went in the first place or they don't want to debate with you. Anyway I think it would make it hard so i guess you just need to take that into consideration. Good luck--see how easy that is!

 

Yes I'm currently separated, but filed for divorce it's California's 6 month rule, nothing I can do about it, you can file for Separation which people do, I filed for Divorce so on Match the only option is "Currently Separated", which confuses a lot of women because "Separation" typically takes years often, if you have kids, I don't but the stigma still sticks.

 

Having that status is a big negative on Match, it's severely limiting me on choices, at least several woman I see as a good match for me, attracted to and have similar interests, some flat out tell me "your not available" but reach out to me when you are divorced or just flat out "not interested", so now when I see profiles, I don't contact them unless they have "Currently Separated" in their "looking for" section.

[thefooloftheyear]

Bottom line is it hurt you to think she wanted someone else over you...Most people would be hurt by that...That's why most people wouldn't be as honest as she was...They would just give you some bs like "they aren't ready or there were no sparks"...

 

Just let it go, though...Any type of vindication you think will happen by giving a reply wont work...She doesn't care at this point..

 

TFY

[Insoc]

You rarely get honesty like that. I would follow up with a text thanking her for her honesty and hope it works out for her. If it doesn’t then she may want to give you a shot next time. At this point, she really doesn’t know much about you to make you feel like she chose him over you. You just keep moving forward.

 

I did, because she is a professional and a nice person, I liked her enough to be respectful of her response, I just took some advice on here and kept it short and clean, don't expect to ever hear from her nor did I say "if it doesn't' work out with this new guy I'm here". I did that prior, sounds desperate.

 

Since I work in business, I tend to get a lot of rejection, so I tend to treat my dates as such, at least ones I feel had high standards or were a good fit, bad habit maybe, but I also don't want to look too weak, I sorta keep it professional.

[smackie9]

and that is true... she was nice enough to reply and let him in on her decision to not date him anymore, honestly though she didn't need to add the other stuff about seeing anyone else instead though.. that was a bit mean spirited if you ask me.. maybe she did it to end it "right then and there" though so he didn't reply again...

 

IMO she wasn't as nice as she was direct which is why I felt he dodged a bullet..

I don't think she had intent of any kind to be mean. She most likely had guys want to know why, so instead she just told him. Remember we get sooooo many threads on guys asking us why they got rejected after such a great date. It goes on and on. It's better to have honest closure. Dating...it is what it is.

[Insoc]

OK damned if they do and damned if they don't. We have soooooo many people say "I wish they could just be honest with me" and yet when they are, it still never sits right with them.

 

I say put yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself, how would you like their response to be? Of course you would like "OK thanks for letting me know, all the best to you."A little politeness (and I'm not saying this because I'm Canadian), can go a long way.

 

You just never know someone they know is interested in going on a date with you down the road. Wouldn't you like to be remembered as the guy that was gracious with the rejection? instead of acting butt-hurt by not responding?

 

No, I appreciate "honesty", I pondered what to do, I sent her a short reply that was positive and gracious of her kind words. Timing is everything online, if you get in before another guy, it can make or break it for you. I also think my status is killing me with the women. I likely will pull myself off of the market after the New Year if things with this recent date don't materialize, and wait till my Divorce is final and can put down "Divorced" on my profile. Dating is expensive where I live, dinner, driving can easily be $100+ for one night, being the first dates are typically dinner or drinks. I pay the tab, though a couple of women wanted to split it, I said no way.

[smackie9]

Ya you are right, most women wouldn't be interested in someone who is only "separated" because things in the marriage can change. Well best of luck in 2019

[Insoc]

The woman essentially ghosted you over Xmas whilst she went on dates with some other guy... leaving you hanging "till after the holidays".

The time for "honesty" was before she went on these dates not now...

 

Seemed that way, she didn't leave me that night thinking it was the case and well how we kissed when I walked her to the car didn't feel like she had he mind on someone else lol, it was more passionate then the usual one or two peck. She was European, so maybe that's how they fly?

 

I know from some female friends i had prior, that they kept a pool of men when dating, selected one as the leader but had one or two as back-ups, online this was common because the guys don't have a clue about the competition. Personally I would find that hard to manage, I had four woman I was talking to a couple of weeks ago, 3 local 1 long distance, was very hard to manage, went on a date with one Saturday, then another Sunday, same weekend, was $$ but more mind numbing and I won't do that again.

 

She did say she had a great time with me via text and let's connect after the holidays, she was busy with her kids and family, I respected that and didn't think otherwise, but people are people. I think if I didn't text her, I never would have heard anything or maybe she was hoping I didn't as a means of keeping me on the back burner?

[TheFinalWord]

If it was me, I would say "Thanks and all the best. Hit me up if you change your mind." You never know. I wouldn't say you were second or back-up. She may have been on 10 dates with this guy, so she has more invested. If it doesn't work out, she might remember that you were a nice guy and didn't get all butthurt when she broke it off. I've had girls contact me a year later...

 

 

My general rule is unless the person is extremely toxic, why burn a bridge?

[Insoc]

Ya you are right, most women wouldn't be interested in someone who is only "separated" because things in the marriage can change. Well best of luck in 2019

 

It is without a doubt a big negative, reason I'm not pursuing anyone else but this one woman, if it doesn't work out I'm pulling the plug till my D is final.

 

I already turned down several woman's request to chat, a few are my type too and attractive, just don't want to go there right now with anyone else because it will be a lot easier without that cloud over my head later.

[Insoc]

If it was me, I would say "Thanks and all the best. Hit me up if you change your mind." You never know. I wouldn't say you were second or back-up. She may have been on 10 dates with this guy, so she has more invested. If it doesn't work out, she might remember that you were a nice guy and didn't get all butthurt when she broke it off. I've had girls contact me a year later...

 

 

My general rule is unless the person is extremely toxic, why burn a bridge?

 

True, I just don't like sounding desperate, I did this with another woman I met who blew me off, I said "well if doesn't work out and I haven't found "the one" you know how to get a hold of me", she said "life is strange, you never know our paths may cross". I sorta felt after sending it, like I'm sounding desperate and I look weak, so I dunno to be honest?

 

My response to her was neutral, I thanked her for being transparent and said good luck with everything. She can reach out to me if she wants, but I sorta feel many women say their peace and that's it and likely feel they burned future chances with a guy they may have liked but were not as connected to due to timing with someone else. So reaching out again to them, may seem weak or not worth it. YMMV I never had anyone do it yet, but I have limited experience in this.

[elaine567]

Seemed that way, she didn't leave me that night thinking it was the case and well how we kissed when I walked her to the car didn't feel like she had he mind on someone else lol, it was more passionate then the usual one or two peck. She was European, so maybe that's how they fly?

I think what she did was pretty sh*tty actually, she held you at arm's length whilst she dated some other guy over Xmas, but in the US, where multi-dating is the norm what she did can be par for the course.

In Europe multi-dating is not the norm but I hear it is becoming more common especially in cities, due to the US influence...

[smackie9]

But it's the norm in some European countries ie France, to have extra marital affairs, mistresses, lovers, etc. out side the marriage.