How to respond to being blown off via Text?

[Insoc]

I went on a date with this woman, once a little over week ago, I thought it went well she seemed into me, walked her to her car, kissed her and she kissed me back. She said we will talk soon, I said sounds good, I sent her a follow-up text 1 hour later saying I had a nice time and I'll call you soon, she responded back saying likewise, had a great time, saying let's reconnect after the holidays.

 

So a week went by, Christmas came and went, I figured there was a lack of interest, no communication but took the Holidays (she is divorced with kids) into consideration. So I sent her a text asking her if she had a nice Holiday and yada yada, didn't get a response for over a day, no biggie but not the usual with her.

 

I get a text after a day or so, she basically was nice to me, a paragraph or so, saying hope I had a nice holiday, yada yada and that she has been on a date with another guy a couple of times and want's to see where it goes, saying she is just putting it on table and not lying to me, then ends it with I with you best of luck on your search and said I'm a great guy.

 

I know clearly, that she is no longer interested in a 2nd date, basically blown off but no big deal, thing is should I respond via text or just ghost? I'm not thinking if it doesn't work out with this other guy, I'm the back-up at this point, it's possible she was doing that for the past week or so.

 

To reply or not? And what should I say if I do reply?

[bathtub-row]

Just thank her for her honesty and wish her well. Be gracious about it and move on.

[alphamale]

say and do NOTHING

[Happy Lemming]

Don't reply... none is necessary. If you feel like you have to text something back.. how about "I hope you find happiness", but again I, personally, would not reply.

 

Its not ghosting... she told you she is involved with someone else and said "Good Bye" You wouldn't be ghosting her as she has no expectation of a response.

[FMW]

I would not respond, there is no reason.

 

It's sad to have to say this, but the bar nowadays is set really low - at least she responded to your text and gave an explanation of why she wasn't up for seeing you again. So many people now just ghost.

 

If you feel like you really must reply, then simply say you enjoyed meeting her and wish her the best. Don't say anything that would make her think you are available as a Plan B.

 

Edited to say: No, you not responding would not be ghosting. She ended it with you. Nothing is required on your part. Ghosting would have been what SHE did if she had simply ignored your texts.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Finding my way

[Insoc]

I see, hmm? I just read into the text some doubt on her end, saying "see how it goes" with this new guy, so to myself I'm reading doubt on her end.

 

She has been divorced for 10 years, still single, which kinda was a red flag going into it for me. Also appears she has bad taste in Men, told me the last guy she got involved with and had him move into her house, turned out to be a closet alcoholic and then cheated on her. I was like, okay you obviously are not as intelligent as I thought. I also like how Women say at the end "Your a great guy" lol, is that out of a book lol???

 

I"m fresh on dating so I don't know the new standard if someone wants to keep you as a back-up plan or not? Then again, I don't want to be 2nd best to another guy either and will move on.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Insoc

[ExpatInItaly]

I don’t think she’s trying to keep you around as a back-up plan. She is simply trying to gently turn you down.

 

You’re reading too much into her wording, looking for doubt in her comment that she wants to see where things go with this other guy. I just see that as her less-direct way of saying “I’m more into him than you, sorry.”

 

There is no need to reply. She likely isn’t expecting one - for her, the goal was to let you know she is not interested in going out again. Your response to that isn’t particularly important to her.

[Versacehottie]

I see, hmm? I just read into the text some doubt on her end, saying "see how it goes" with this new guy, so to myself I'm reading doubt on her end.

 

She has been divorced for 10 years, still single, which kinda was a red flag going into it for me. Also appears she has bad taste in Men, told me the last guy she got involved with and had him move into her house, turned out to be a closet alcoholic and then cheated on her. I was like, okay you obviously are not as intelligent as I thought. I also like how Women say at the end "Your a great guy" lol, is that out of a book lol???

 

I"m fresh on dating so I don't know the new standard if someone wants to keep you as a back-up plan or not? Then again, I don't want to be 2nd best to another guy either and will move on.

 

You can decide if you are getting treated as "2nd best" if she comes back to you. The point is you get to decide that when it's time. It's totally up to you. I think answering her in a polite respectful way is what you should do--she hasn't done anything that would warrant not doing that. Just simple like someone said above: thanks for your honesty and good luck. You never know what the future holds and taking this stance leaves you in best position to have as many options (and feel good about yourself) as possible. And you are STILL the decision maker when it comes to what the future might hold between you both if she comes back. You lose nothing by being polite and do gain. If you are worried about your pride or self-respect or feeling like second best, she can't take that away from you and treating her badly won't get it back if you feel disrespected because it won't change the fact that currently she is choosing to pursue that.

 

Also it's just a guess and it might not even be true but perhaps she was dating this guy BEFORE you, he had a handful of dates already in the bag with her and the mere fact that you are now pursuing her brought what he was doing to the surface (like he sensed competition so wanted to be exclusive or she felt she needed or could push him for an answer since you exist). I'm just saying that sometimes the timing alone does not mean you are second best only that she has unfinished business. Good luck

[TheBlingRing14]

I personally wouldn't worry too much about being the second choice or backup choice or anything like that. I've always felt it doesn't matter if it's your first or second or third choice. All that matters is who is the last choice. Plenty of people end up with their second choices. Princess Kate was famously Prince William's second choice. And we see what happened there.

 

That said, I do agree that I wouldn't say anything at all. Now, I am not saying to ignore her. If she reaches out again on a friendly level, you should probably respond. But, to this particular message? I wouldn't. IF you do say anything, don't go the route of "I wish you happiness" or something like that. I would say a simple, "Good luck with everything." Good luck is a great phrase to use because it can be sincere, it can be sarcastic, it can be biting, it can have a number of meanings behind it.

[Cersei]

I don’t think she’s trying to keep you around as a back-up plan. She is simply trying to gently turn you down.

 

You’re reading too much into her wording, looking for doubt in her comment that she wants to see where things go with this other guy. I just see that as her less-direct way of saying “I’m more into him than you, sorry.”

 

There is no need to reply. She likely isn’t expecting one - for her, the goal was to let you know she is not interested in going out again. Your response to that isn’t particularly important to her.

 

Exactly and "I wish you best of luck on your search" means keep searching because it's not going to be me you will be dating.

 

Sorry dude, but find someone better suited for you.

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

Yeah, she might not even have the other guy. It's a no sale for you. But given her situation, don't internalize it as rejection (or at least too much). You could be gracious to leave a door open if you want. Does it have to be "all or none" for you with her? Or what if she wanted you as an f-buddy? Better than nothin'. Nay?

[edgygirl]

We only say you're a great guy to guys we really think are a nice person although we are not interested. Well, at least I do.

 

Don't answer her. I broke things off (well, dating things, not a relationship) with a guy last month and I really disliked his answer. Made me think I will prob not ever give him a second chance if the opportunity presents itself.

 

I also like how Women say at the end "Your a great guy" lol, is that out of a book lol???

[basil67]

I was like, okay you obviously are not as intelligent as I thought.

 

You feel this way about her, yet you are still interested in dating her?

 

And for the record, both men and woman can be duped by those who can mask their bad traits. Being duped does not indicate a lack of intelligence.

 

I would also say that 10 years alone as a single mother shows she has the smarts to concentrate on her child rearing and not have a revolving door of men meeting the child/ren.

[Insoc]

Thanks for the replies, not hoping for a rebound with her at all, just wanted to know some opinions, looks like it's more Nay than Yay...so be it.

 

Still don't get why Women always say that at the end "You're a Wonderful Man" "A Great Guy" and blah blah blah, I heard it before, been blown off a few times all end this way. Is that being nice, like what does it matter what you think about me lol.

[Malin889]

At least it was just one date. You didn’t invest too much in her. Don’t reply at all, it doesn’t need a reply. There will be someone else around the corner for you.

[emeraldgreen]

No response required. She's not waiting on one.

[Insoc]

We only say you're a great guy to guys we really think are a nice person although we are not interested. Well, at least I do.

 

Don't answer her. I broke things off (well, dating things, not a relationship) with a guy last month and I really disliked his answer. Made me think I will prob not ever give him a second chance if the opportunity presents itself.

 

So you do hmm? I see now, well I blown off a few woman, and I just don't say anything because I think it's pointless to tell them they are wonderful, but not for me. I went on a date with a couple, just hugged them and never texted or followed-up with them.

 

I think to say that, is nice and well kinda confusing to hear, leaves that question bouncing around in their heads, if so great than why? A lot of people never find out why, one Women went into great detail on why, which I appreciated and I did not even ask her, she blew me off over the phone which I prefer because it was good closure and also constructive criticism. She said I was not ready to date, since I'm still separated and need time to be single, I'm beginning to think she is right.

 

It's good either way to be told and not ghosted, I agree.

[Insoc]

You can decide if you are getting treated as "2nd best" if she comes back to you. The point is you get to decide that when it's time. It's totally up to you. I think answering her in a polite respectful way is what you should do--she hasn't done anything that would warrant not doing that. Just simple like someone said above: thanks for your honesty and good luck. You never know what the future holds and taking this stance leaves you in best position to have as many options (and feel good about yourself) as possible. And you are STILL the decision maker when it comes to what the future might hold between you both if she comes back. You lose nothing by being polite and do gain. If you are worried about your pride or self-respect or feeling like second best, she can't take that away from you and treating her badly won't get it back if you feel disrespected because it won't change the fact that currently she is choosing to pursue that.

 

Also it's just a guess and it might not even be true but perhaps she was dating this guy BEFORE you, he had a handful of dates already in the bag with her and the mere fact that you are now pursuing her brought what he was doing to the surface (like he sensed competition so wanted to be exclusive or she felt she needed or could push him for an answer since you exist). I'm just saying that sometimes the timing alone does not mean you are second best only that she has unfinished business. Good luck

 

I usually take a response like that as a adios and see that cowboy fading off into the sunset, I think she was delaying a response to me because of that fact she was unsure, I had another woman do that to me, saying she paused over the weekend to think about it, didn't want to make a "knee jerk decision", because she has before and burned her bridges. I heard stories of this happening where two people reconnected, but for me it's like being turned down for a job offer, if they come back after the fact because the other guy quit 3 days later, it makes you feel 2nd best, no thanks.

 

I'll move on and forget, I'm new to this dating thing, it's all via Match.com and I have had a few that went this way, sorta get use to it.

[Insoc]

Or what if she wanted you as an f-buddy? Better than nothin'. Nay?

 

I thought about that, the way she kissed me at the end of the date made me feel like that was a possibility, I initiated it and she followed up with a round of her own, but I read into kissing, it can mean many things, like goodbye too .

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

I thought about that, the way she kissed me at the end of the date made me feel like that was a possibility, I initiated it and she followed up with a round of her own, but I read into kissing, it can mean many things, like goodbye too .

IF you send her a gracious note that communicates an open door, it could happen. Y/T/H not? Do you really want to marry her kids?

[edgygirl]

Because chemistry and attraction are hard to explain. I've been with some guys who were cute, smart, good husband material, etc, and still I didn't "feel it". I am sure you felt like that with certain women.

 

Gosh... when I separated I was sure I was ready to date... how wrong I was. Looking back I know I should have waited at least a year. I was rebounding, trying to feel less pain by meeting other men. It would have been better to process things first.

 

The man I broke things off last month was also rebounding after a 10+y marriage and a 1y relationship. I realized pretty quickly he was not ready for something real - which is what I am looking for. That's why I avoid divorced men and don't even go close to separated ones.

 

But people are different, my brother in law met my sis after 3 months of divorce and they've been together for 30 years.

 

So you do hmm? I see now, well I blown off a few woman, and I just don't say anything because I think it's pointless to tell them they are wonderful, but not for me. I went on a date with a couple, just hugged them and never texted or followed-up with them.

 

I think to say that, is nice and well kinda confusing to hear, leaves that question bouncing around in their heads, if so great than why? A lot of people never find out why, one Women went into great detail on why, which I appreciated and I did not even ask her, she blew me off over the phone which I prefer because it was good closure and also constructive criticism. She said I was not ready to date, since I'm still separated and need time to be single, I'm beginning to think she is right.

 

It's good either way to be told and not ghosted, I agree.

[Insoc]

You feel this way about her, yet you are still interested in dating her?

 

And for the record, both men and woman can be duped by those who can mask their bad traits. Being duped does not indicate a lack of intelligence.

 

I would also say that 10 years alone as a single mother shows she has the smarts to concentrate on her child rearing and not have a revolving door of men meeting the child/ren.

 

 

Well it wasn't the first "duped" women I met, I met another one who said she was with a guy for a year when she said to him "I Love You", he looked at her very uncomfortably and pulled her into another room and said, "Look, I like you and all but I don't Love You". This same guy a month or so later, told her that he wasn't interested in going on a Romantic trip with her to Italy, he stayed home while she went with some friends, she was going into a big sob story on how nice it would be there with a romantic partner (She knows I travel around the globe).

 

She told me this on our first date, also went into great detail on her Ex husband and how he never would spend time with her and once she booked this trip to some tropical location, was all romantic, private bungalow near the water, well her ex-husband left and went and stayed by himself in a hotel on the beach, she stayed with him for 5 years after that, yet he repeated the problems over and over again.

 

Duped or just bad taste who knows? When I hear these stories from dates and they don't see me as a potential 2nd date material and start to question me and my last marriage and what went wrong, in reality there are many reason,s but it's not good to be holier than thou either.

[Insoc]

IF you send her a gracious note that communicates an open door, it could happen. Y/T/H not? Do you really want to marry her kids?

 

Yeah you know what, I thought about that at my age (50) it's a mixed bag in dating, some people's kids are older and they are empty nesters, some are young and I'm like to I want that burden, young kid to deal with, drama and etc. Also many women have kids, never married, no explanation and I don't ask. If they are teenagers and out of the house, I can see it.

 

Two women I met, both had 2 kids each, and both had one that had ADHD, not that I can hold a gun to someone's head for this, it's kinda sad to be honest., there was a lot of drama during our phone calls and etc, with the kids in the middle. Dates cancelled because the kid is moving out of the stepfather's house and into her house and etc.

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

Yeah you know what, I thought about that at my age (50) it's a mixed bag in dating, some people's kids are older and they are empty nesters, some are young and I'm like to I want that burden, young kid to deal with, drama and etc. Also many women have kids, never married, no explanation and I don't ask. If they are teenagers and out of the house, I can see it.

 

Two women I met, both had 2 kids each, and both had one that had ADHD, not that I can hold a gun to someone's head for this, it's kinda sad to be honest., there was a lot of drama during our phone calls and etc, with the kids in the middle. Dates cancelled because the kid is moving out of the stepfather's house and into her house and etc.

At your age your might want to start thinking about being the MILF MEISTER. Lots of single moms just want some f*ck-stick.

[Insoc]

Because chemistry and attraction are hard to explain. I've been with some guys who were cute, smart, good husband material, etc, and still I didn't "feel it". I am sure you felt like that with certain women.

 

Gosh... when I separated I was sure I was ready to date... how wrong I was. Looking back I know I should have waited at least a year. I was rebounding, trying to feel less pain by meeting other men. It would have been better to process things first.

 

The man I broke things off last month was also rebounding after a 10+y marriage and a 1y relationship. I realized pretty quickly he was not ready for something real - which is what I am looking for. That's why I avoid divorced men and don't even go close to separated ones.

 

But people are different, my brother in law met my sis after 3 months of divorce and they've been together for 30 years.

 

I have not dated much, I'm coming out of a LTR and Marriage, so it's all new to me. I met only one women who was not my type at all, one date and that's it, she wasn't my type at all, talked about herself the entire time and was too self-centered, I never met anyone yet I thought was "Cute", "Smart" and "Good Wife" material (Not even thinking about getting married right now and lot's of women here wont' because they are living good on alimony from their Ex).

 

So no, never had the opportunity to do that, I don't know if I could to be honest, if someone had 90% of what I want or less, I think I accept it and not cut them off. I think 100% is made out of unobtanium and the reason some people are never happy with anyone.

 

I'm 50, so if I was 30, I would be thinking different, so consider my age.

 

Yes, I'm currently separated, big negative with dating, online especially, don't get a lot of interest and women tell me flat out, they won't consider me because I'm well "still married" which is true, so in my state (CA) it takes 6 months to get a divorce, that's the law. It can go longer, but my Attorney said it will happen at or around the date planned. So for me it's only a couple more months.

 

Also I have had Women tell me that once I'm "Divorced" I'll be more marketable than if I was "Never Married", reason being (so I was told) Women like Men who have experience in a Marriage, vs someone who is 40 or 50 and never married, it doesn't look right and I can see their point. Now if you are 25 or 30ish, sure lot's of people who are not married yet.

 

I'm thinking of staying single, but I dated another woman in the past few days I really like, going to see where it goes and not pursue anymore, if that doesn't materialize, I'm hanging up dating all together till after my Divorce is final or longer, not sure on a year lol, 51 means 1 year older, I feel impatient also because my marriage failed a few years ago, so I'm in a different boat than what's the norm.