Would you find this offending?

[Annalie]

I joined a dating app recently and started talking to this guy. I told him I moved to this country few years ago. We exchanged few more texts on the app and said good night.

 

Today, few days later, he texts me again and asks me: so, if i visit your city, where would you take me?" (he lives 1.5h drive away). Next question: do you have an accent, to which I respond yes. He then continues: "wondering if it sounds sexy." I reply that it probably doesn't. His next question: are Polish (I am not really Polish just dont want to reveal too much here) girls fun to hang out with?

 

At this point I had enough, and told him good night and bye. He replies an hour later that he didnt really say much and doesnt understand why I got angry.

 

Maybe I am overeacting but to me he was being disrespectful.

[Garcon1986]

I wouldn't say that your accent sounds not sexy - that just projects lower confidence.

 

Why sell yourself short?

 

I wouldn't have blinked at that question - would have played along with the flirting game.

[Shining One]

I'm having a hard time finding the disrespect in what he said. Then again, I tolerate a lot when it comes to words from women, so I may not be the best judge. It seems to me that he was just attempting to be flirty.

[Annalie]

I wouldn't say that your accent sounds not sexy - that just projects lower confidence.

 

Why sell yourself short?

 

I wouldn't have blinked at that question - would have played along with the flirting game.

 

Sometimes, I wonder how people perceive me because I am a foreigner. I live in a big city, never really had a problem, recently graduated from one of the top universities in the USA, but this guy just moved from one of the southern states where they don't get to meet many foreign people and accents.

Maybe, my accent would bother him, for all i know. But he focused way too much on my ethnicity and I took his questions to mean: "are Polish/European girls easy girls?"

[Annalie]

I wouldn't say that your accent sounds not sexy - that just projects lower confidence.

 

Why sell yourself short?

 

I wouldn't have blinked at that question - would have played along with the flirting game.

I guess it was "too flirty" for me since we haven't met and only excanged several texts.

[Giraffe-A]

He sounds like a nightmare already. I have an accent and often get mistaken for an Egyptian woman.... especially from Egyptian men themselves and it’s just so far off from my actual background. The shallow, uneventful guys tend to ask more about this than people who view you for you. You stand out, and that’s about as much you will be viewed as. Let people know you in person. You’ll have much better luck than online.

[Garcon1986]

I would say talk to him, do one date, see how he is in real life.

[Annalie]

I would say talk to him, do one date, see how he is in real life.

 

Well, I already told him bye. Then he asked why to which i replied "really? why?" and he said: I am not sure, I didn't say much"

 

I can't and don't really want to text him again. I just hate when people focus on stereotypes and other shallow things. I am an individual, I might have similar accent to other people from my country but whether I am fun to hang out with or not has nothing to do with my ethnicity.

 

Maybe it was his attempt to flirt but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

[ericw899]

Sounds like you are overreacting a bit. He took interest in you being from another country and wanted to know more about it but doing it in a flirty way. He's got to try and stand out somehow, and obviously it worked, even if you didn't take it the same way

[Simple Logic]

Actually the guy sounds like a rookie.

[Annalie]

Sounds like you are overreacting a bit. He took interest in you being from another country and wanted to know more about it but doing it in a flirty way. He's got to try and stand out somehow, and obviously it worked, even if you didn't take it the same way

 

Well, he asked me out and I said yes (I had probably around 70 people in few days contacting me). I responded to three, he was one of them and I agreed to a date with him (to show him the city). But he was persistent what kind of girls European girls are.

[Annalie]

Actually the guy sounds like a rookie.

 

:D:D:bunny::bunny::bunny:

[stillafool]

Look, if the guy made you feel uncomfortable just pass on him. Why waste your time if you're already offended by him?

[basil67]

I would not have made a connection between asking if Polish girls are fun meaning that they are easy. And I would have deflected it by simply stating that we're all different and he should see what he thinks of me. As for the rest, it just sounds like he was somewhat awkwardly getting to know you.

 

So no, I would not have been offended.

[Annalie]

Look, if the guy made you feel uncomfortable just pass on him. Why waste your time if you're already offended by him?

 

I get it, I just wanted to know if I am too stuck up, prude or easily offended (maybe the reason why I am still single ).

[Gretchen12]

I sent my Polish girlfriend pictures of pierogi I was eating and she wasn't offended.

 

With this guy, I think it's not just about stereotypes, it's the words "sexy" and "fun" in his text that might escalate to trying for phone sex. Some online guys are horrible!

 

I wouldn't be offended but i'd be alert.

[Annalie]

I sent my Polish girlfriend pictures of pierogi I was eating and she wasn't offended.

 

With this guy, I think it's not just about stereotypes, it's the words "sexy" and "fun" in his text that might escalate to trying for phone sex. Some online guys are horrible!

 

I wouldn't be offended but i'd be alert.

 

Exactly, the words fun and sexy, and instead of getting to know me, he keeps asking about my country. Again, I am not Polish, but I am from Europe. He even looked up/listened to accent to hear exactly what it sounds like (which is ok, he is curious) but it was bit too much.

 

I am a Caucasian girl and this guy is Asian, and not once did I ask about Asian people. I wanted to get to know him as an individual.

[Versacehottie]

Exactly, the words fun and sexy, and instead of getting to know me, he keeps asking about my country. Again, I am not Polish, but I am from Europe. He even looked up/listened to accent to hear exactly what it sounds like (which is ok, he is curious) but it was bit too much.

 

I am a Caucasian girl and this guy is Asian, and not once did I ask about Asian people. I wanted to get to know him as an individual.

 

I think if stuff like this happens again in the future that you gather some more intel. Basically like someone said above, be on alert or take it as a possible red flag or possible lack of experience/lack of game or poor choice of words or trying to flirt. I could equally believe he was trying to flirt and was just curious. If you didn't say a lot about yourself maybe these are the two facts he is "working with" that you are from a european country and likely have an accent--which most guys I know are going to think is cute (so that's a plus). Sure was he potentially being too forward? Yeah maybe but you need the rest of the context to back that up otherwise you could be dismissive of otherwise good guys.

 

You can choose not to move forward with dating him at any time but rather than be unsure that you made the right choice, play along in a way that you are comfortable with (conversely some guys might say your response was overly uptight and not cut you a break) while you gather more intel. Good luck

[edgygirl]

Creepy. Probably gauging your interest for a one night stand and sex in general. I am also a foreigner and had this type of guys saying the same creepy things. For some reason men have fantasies about certain nationalities and feel entitled to be saying this kind of crap.

 

And wth. I am not a tourist guide. Be a man and find a f-ing place to take me. lol

 

I usually am very straight forward and let them know why they're being creepy. I really don't care anymore at this point. "Sorry, no sexy talk with strangers for me". "I am not a tourist guide". They usually don't get angry, they get the hint and say they're sorry.

 

I joined a dating app recently and started talking to this guy. I told him I moved to this country few years ago. We exchanged few more texts on the app and said good night.

 

Today, few days later, he texts me again and asks me: so, if i visit your city, where would you take me?" (he lives 1.5h drive away). Next question: do you have an accent, to which I respond yes. He then continues: "wondering if it sounds sexy." I reply that it probably doesn't. His next question: are Polish (I am not really Polish just dont want to reveal too much here) girls fun to hang out with?

 

At this point I had enough, and told him good night and bye. He replies an hour later that he didnt really say much and doesnt understand why I got angry.

 

Maybe I am overeacting but to me he was being disrespectful.

Edited December 29, 2018 by edgygirl

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

 

...Maybe it was his attempt to flirt but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

 

 

Do ya think?

[Shining One]

I've had plenty of women ask if I had an accent and other things about my culture. Heck, one even asked if a certain part of me tasted like curry. At no point was I offended, but as I said earlier, I have a high threshold for this sort of thing.

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

I have an accent. It's a New Yawk one. Let's have some cauffee and then go for a wawk.

[Annalie]

I have an accent. It's a New Yawk one. Let's have some cauffee and then go for a wawk.

 

 

:bunny::bunny:

[Annalie]

I've had plenty of women ask if I had an accent and other things about my culture. Heck, one even asked if a certain part of me tasted like curry. At no point was I offended, but as I said earlier, I have a high threshold for this sort of thing.

 

I am not offended because he asked if I had an accent. It is more, as someone pointed out, he put sexy and fun in the same question? On top of that he asked if girls from my country are fun. Maybe, he was aiming at phone sex or tasting water for fwb...

[emeraldgreen]

He's not exactly Mr Smooth but in his own awkward way, he was just trying to escalate.