Should I move on or keep trying ?

[general69]

We both 38yrs old.We worked together for about 2yrs; she took over the business where I was working. Over that time I could tell we had chemistry. We become friends on Facebook & started chatting everynight for about 3 months, before I finally asked her out.

We keep the relationship secret for about 3months as she was the Boss. Then I found another job, so we could come out about the relationship, as it was a family company. We were both really happy, she was a solo mum with a 12yr daughter, she had her week on week off, due to custody with her ex.

 

We were together for 9 months. We spend all our spare time together; we were living together at her place for about 5 months of the relationship. I cooked dinner most nights for her & was always doing sweet things for her, which she real loved. I was always putting her 1st & been as supportive as I could.

 

I thought everything was going real well, then she broke up with me & said she had lost feelings for me & she wasn't sure why. She reckons it just happens to her. She said she was sorry, as I was a real sweet & caring person who put so much effort into the relationship. I know she had massive work stress & family stress playing on her mind in the last 2 month of the relationship & had told me she was ****ed up in the head with it all & was struggling to cope with all the stress. She felt like she was failing at her job & with me, because she didn’t have the time or energy to put into me. She was on anti depression pills the whole time we were together.

 

I was blindsided, so I begged for her to give us a chance, it didn't help. She said "if her feelings came back she would defiantly give it another chance”. I texted her over the next week about getting some of my stuff back. We agreed to meet up about 2 weeks after the breakup to exchange stuff. We had a picnic & talked for about 2hrs. She & I both felt we spend too much time together & stopped doing our own things & just got lost in the relationship. She told me again that if the feelings come back she would try again if I wanted to. We hugged & left.

 

I texted her over the next week on & off, I send her a birthday present as it was her birthday the next week. It was heaps of little things that showed I was paying attention & did care about her. She texted me on her birthday to say "thanks heaps for the present it was very clever & thoughtful". I went into No contact after that.

 

Over the next few weeks I've been posting photos to my Facebook story of me doing all the things I wanted to do when we were together. I've posted about 10 different stories & she has viewed every single one. I broke NC after about 2 weeks & texted her a few days after Xmas to say "hope you had an awesome Xmas", she replied & said the same. I've send a few more text since asking about her & she has replied, but they have been short replies.

I love her to pieces & don't know what to do at this point. I’m taking the time to better myself & am keeping myself busy. I just feel like there’s hope we could get back together. What should I do?

[preraph]

She's lost romantic feelings toward you. She loves you as a friend now. I've honestly never heard of a woman changing their mind on that once they've lost that romantic attraction. Sometimes it happens when people get too familiar. They lose their mystery or they pass a point and lose excitement. Or they start feeling more like a sibling or a parent or something like that. It's common. Women lose that feeling and they don't want sex anymore, but still like you as a friend.

 

I'm sorry. I would say give up on her and don't do anything for her you wouldn't do for any good friend and there's no point in expecting it to change a thing....

 

Date others and maybe you two can stay friends if you ever get over wanting more from her.

[Giraffe-A]

Being too available and nice to certain people backfires for whatever reason. You gotta even that out with a little distance and a bit of chaos and unpredictability. Romance seems to be out of the question for this person. It’s best to go NC and stay NC. You’re nice which is why she replies back, but her interest is no longer there. Sorry.

[Grisha]

You’re missing the most important thing women want from a man. I failed in the same way as you did in my relationship.

Women don’t want to be put on a pedestal by a man because it makes her feel like she’s better than him and can do better.

Don’t listen to the movies and women themselves. They don’t know what they want. Obviously a woman wants to be treated well but subconsciously that is the very reason she’s leaving. She got what she’s been wanting and probably too much of it.

I’ve been through enough relationships to understand that you should NEVER make a woman #1. NEVER. You need to make your career and yourself #1 and never focus on her.

Why is it that the women who I don’t want put in so much effort in being with me while the woman I’m so careful with and try to make things workout, those woman always leave with the typical excuse “I’m just going through a lot and you’re perfect in every way but I can’t be with you right now.”

Good men lose because they don’t understand game. They believe that they should just be themselves and the right girl will come. The right girl will come and stay but unfortunately it’ll be a girl you’re not that into.. because if you were into her, shed run away. They always do.

Never be too into someone especially when they’re not putting in 50% of the work.

If you want to get her back you can do it but you have to do it this way only.

Don’t post anything on social media, (she knows you want her to see)

Dont message, like, or comment anything of hers.

Stay NC unless she reaches out to you. Sometimes this can take months depending on what’s going on in her life.

If she reaches out to you you have to understand she just wants to check up on you, cares about you, her level of attraction went up a tiny bit.

It’s very important to keep things short. Don’t say much at all. If you start saying more than one or two sentences you will lose her!

You have to let her attraction grow for you slowly and create mystery.

This process can take months.

So when she reaches out to you just answer shortly and ask her to come over and spend time together. If she declines, just stop the conversation. Be nice but don’t give yourself to her!

Keep doing that until she starts to grow interest in you again and wants to see you.

Never talk about the breakup. Just understand that it happened because you were being to feminine and giving her everything she wanted.

You can’t be that way. This isn’t the movies.

When you do see her just have fun and always have fun. Let her be the one to talk about a relationship and love and all that. Men aren’t supposed to do that.

She’s going to end up with a man who’s not that into her or they are exactly equal but that’s very rare.

Just mirror her efforts. That’s all.

[Simple Logic]

She has basically told you it’s time to move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to move on, my friend.

 

This was too much, too soon - which tends to kill attraction quickly. For future reference, ask yourself why you felt compelled to dive in so fast. Spending all your time together and moving in after just 4 months means you two zoomed past the honeymoon and courtship phase and almost straight into married-couple territory. It’s genrally better to pace yourselves and really get to know the other person (as a romantic partner) before making bigger steps towards commitment.

 

For her, it burned out. Perhaps she was operating from a place of thrills and lust rather a true connection you. Maybe someone else is on her mind. Whatever the case may be, you need to start accepting that it’s not what she wants. She knows where you are if she wants to renconcile but it’s best not to pin your hopes on that.