bitzy61 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 My Boyfriend of the past three years comes with a lot of complications. When I met D, he was a butch lesbian. One year into our relationship he told me he was a man, and was going to begin transitioning to this. He changed his pronouns, I told my family and they accepted, now he has gotten "top surgery". All of this has made him a much happier person. I am happy for him. Along side all of this some other unfortunate things happened to him. He developed tendonitis in four of his joints. Because of his weak joints, he cannot do many of the things he used to love. The point im making is this: He is SO different now from the person I originally fell for. On the inside, he is my best friend. We laugh and get along so great. We moved to Mass for a year together, and even share love for a dog-------I really had plans to marry him. He was my rock. I know that him being trans isn't really a choice. I know that him getting prolonged injuries also wasn't his choice. But this past year ive lost some of my attraction to him. I cringe when I look at his new chest. Now, Someone from school that I AM VERY attracted to has asked me out on a date. We recently, secretly, had very passionate sex. And I crave more. Am I wrong for losing attraction to D because of what has happened to him during our relationship?
smellysocksuni Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Now, Someone from school that I AM VERY attracted to has asked me out on a date. We recently, secretly, had very passionate sex. And I crave more. You're not 'wrong' for feeling this way, no. You can't help the way you feel. What you can help, though, is being honest with him about your feelings and ending this relationship if it has reached the point of you cheating on him. 1
elaine567 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 People change. Just because he is a trans man doesn't mean you have to stay with him for life. BUT tell him it is over, do not let him find out you are cheating on him. Being cheated on damages people and it can take literally years to recover...
preraph Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 (edited) I wouldn't mention the injury. But as a trans person himself, he should understand the complexities of attraction and that now he's altered himself in a way that diminished attractiveness to you. I would talk to him and let him know. Not about the affair, just that as he transitions, you're losing attraction, though not love. A good way to put it, You know, I fell in love with the way you were, and I'm so happy you're growing and happy and transitioning, but it's affecting my attraction. If you feel it's time to break up, do it. Edited December 28, 2018 by preraph 1
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