Ishy Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 I trust he is no cheat. But I sometimes wonder why he's with me. The last guy I dated (my first relationship of six weeks ) , I was 32 and still very stupid. Somehow I managed to get a tracker in my phone so he knew where I was everywhere I went. Yes, I know pathetic. He told me one day when I couldn't find my way this is how he'd help. I didn't take it off... People said to me to let him go. But I was blind. Suddenly when something felt off with his behaviour I found him online on OkCupid. He flat out denied it. My bros friends warned me. He was on the sites. Even matched with one of them. He would comment on my appearance and how if I wore make up I'd feel more confident. He was saying it for me not for him. And how im incredibly lucky to have him. Fast forward to this relationship he is the complete opposite. He says im beautiful ... when we were openly talking generally about past relationships. And he said if this does not work out for any reason he doesn't want to see me hurt if I do meet someone else. I got emotional. That hurt. Then he cried. he said he'd want to remain friends if we ended things but I said I'd probably not want to stay in touch cos of the hurt... Ok maybe that was an odd discussion to have but I genuinely do not see life without him. I don't know why he mentioned it If he wants to leave me I don't want him to feel he's stuck with me. I've told him. Ive told him he just has to tell me and I won't stop him. I worry he feel stuck and sorry for me ?
Noproblem Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 What happens that makes you think he is stuck. What if he has a job opportunity that requires him to move, so that's why he is saying that? What if he is sick? What is he is just being realistic instead of dreamy? You need to discuss it further with him.
Giraffe-A Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 You guys were talking about prior relationships, and you were hurt. He doesn’t want you to be unhappy with him or without him. It has nothing to do with him having pity for you. My ex had serious hurt in his life. He was cheated on physically and financially. I see the pain in his eyes and I thin to myself, I could never do that to this person. When we broke up, I didn’t say any of the bad things he ever heard before. I didn’t even ask for all the expensive stuff I left behind. I wanted to be the one person he knew still loved him and I left him with more than when I arrived. I’d want him to find someone like me, not like his exes. That was just a thought then, but now, I realize I believed it. Just chill.
Lotsgoingon Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Tell him to shut up talk about splitting. But ... doesn't sound like he was trying to crack open the door to breaking up, which is what sometimes happens. Just tell him to chill and enjoy things and remind him that you want the relationship and if he wants it, then he should keep going ... and if he doesn't he should stop. And tell him that as long as he's not a total jerk in breaking up, you will be fine and that you don't want him to date you if he doesn't really want to. Sounds like he just needs a bit of reassurance. You can give it to him. But don't overdo this or get in a cycle of repeatedly holding his hand or you'll be mommying him, which gets tired really fast. A good relationship requires both people to believe they are worthy partners for the other. You need to feel you're worthy, and he needs to feel he's worthy. We can help people through a low phase or bout of insecurity ... but we can't constantly be pulling them along. That never works.
emeraldgreen Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Sounds like you went from a gaslighting control freak to a total beta. An interested guy won't talk about "if we broke up". Maybe he just had a bit of a soft moment, but a lot of ex-talk is never a healthy thing. Focus on what you guys can be.
Author Ishy Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 (edited) I tell him everything. Literally. Everything relevant or irrelevant. He has never so far tried to tell me not to tell him those things. For example, if I told my brother something, say by message. All I would get is "k". He listens. It just feels too good to be true sometimes that it is hard to accept. We are both awkward people. So much so it is amazing we even got to the point of intimacy... We are getting out of the awkward zone with each other so that says something. I am just impatient and he has so much of it. That I have tried to talking about moving out after a year but he says it's a big step for us. If we do not decide to get married it would be the biggest step in the relationship so it needs to be taken slow according to him..... Yes I am fine with not getting married although if we did, that is something we are considering. Edited December 29, 2018 by Ishy
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