Aksingh Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Hello all! I am from India and this is my first post here. I have been married for almost 8 years now and have always had some issues. My in laws and my parents never really got along from the very beginning. Last year in Aug my DD was born. It was at this time that things went from bad to worse. When my DD was born she was required to be kept on nebulizer just as a precaution. My husband had no idea about nebulizers. He thought there is some serious complication and went over the roof. Now my dad bought the nebulizer and have it to the doc as was asked by him. My husband was not there with me in the hospital so he didn't know that the nebulizer had been admimistered. When he got to know about it he panicked and in a raised tone and tenor asked my dad again and again as to why it had to be administered. All this happened infront of my in laws and me in the adjoining room. I immediately called my husband and asked him to stop screaming but the damage was already done. My dad didn't like his manner of talking and the fact that his parents didn't stop him or say anything. He was hurt because such things don't happen in our family and he just stopped talking to my husband and his parents to convey his hurt. My in laws and husband found this insulting. With time my dad got over all this but my husband and in laws are still angry. So when my parents visited us the next time my husband didn't speak to my dad. My in laws too keep telling things about my dad to my husband. I really don't know what to do.
Garcon1986 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Welcome to LS! I assume DD means child? So you're asking from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand Indian culture well. I would tell you what I would do, being an American Citizen, who was brought up British, who is Ethnically Asian. You'll need to have a talk with your husband in regards to the health of your child - having so much anxiety that results in yelling in regards to your baby's health is never OK unless you are in an emergency, and even then, calm minds and stout hearts are needed. That can't continue, it's a black and white full stop. You two need to be able to have adult conversations about your child's health. Secondly, I would have a chat with both sets of parents about the behavior of your husband. The yelling wasn't a great idea however, the silent treatment is also not OK. That doesn't have any sort of long term good outcome. What I would recommend is for everybody to move on from the yelling episode and all be dedicated to the health and wellbeing of the baby. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Your husband owes your father an apology. If your daughter needed medical care your husband should have been grateful that your dad was there to see that the care was administered. Have you had the doctors explain the necessity to your husband? Have you told your husband how rude he was? 1
Author Aksingh Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 Thank you for taking out time and replying. My husband was later explained the need for the nebulizer and he even had one on one chat with my dad. My dad clearly told him that he felt hurt by the behaviour of my husband and his parents. However, my in laws and husband still feel that there was nothing to feel bad about in the first place and that my dad is over reacting. My in laws still continue to feed stuff in my husband's mind. What I find very strange is that my in-laws are one of the most sensitive people I have ever come across. You question one thing that they want us to do they feel very hurt and disrespected. Like for example for our anniversary if we want to go out for dinner without them they will feel very bad and left out and will indirectly tell me that I have "changed" their son. My mother in law is a very insecure person and due to that their have been numerous times when my mother in law has not spoken to me at all or in a rude manner. But every time I told my husband about it I was asked to put up with it because "that's the way she is". In spite all of this when my in laws visited us last month I did everything I could to make them comfortable and they left with no complaines. But now that my parents are over, my husband refuses to talk to my dad at all . So I really do not know how to handle this situation.
Garcon1986 Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 This is a little childish coming from your husband's family. 1. First you must stand by your husband above everything; you agreed to pick him in marriage, in illness and in health, and in poverty and in riches. This argument was significant but not worth fighting over. 2. It seems that your husband's family coping skills aren't that mature. You will have to stand up here and be the most mature adult in your group here and be the role model. Use your husband and girlfriends as a stress release; you will have to show everybody role model behavior. The in-laws essentially won't change anymore, but you can change yourself. Don't expect much from them - just be civil and professional in your interactions. When your expectations are lowered, you are more likely to be happy when they are achieved. 3. Don't try to fight childish behavior with more childish behavior. Show them you can be more professional. When this stresses you out, have healthy outlets.
d0nnivain Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Has your husband explained to you why he isn't speaking to your dad? It seems to me that your husband is more childish & petulant then your newborn.
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