Why [don't we hear about] happy endings [from affairs]?

[hotpotato]

I hate to be blunt, but what do you want us to say

 

"You ran off with someone's partner, congrats! You helped break up someone's home. I hope it works out for you!"

 

Also,people mostly come here to complain so happy stories are fewer.

[hotpotato]

^this %110. Statistically affairs are deeply flawed for many reasons. People tend to bring their existing problems with them, they tend to not see the flaws in their affair partner due to lack of time spent together, not too mention the level of attention just isn't there due to more than one ongoing relationship. They are far more complex than the average relationship.

 

Agreed.

The ap may do x that the spouse doesn't do. Then straying partner starts seeing faults in the so. This happens in many relationships tbh. Affairs are not immune.

[Hopeful30]

Well the thing is, affairs aren't normal relationships because they fill the gaps of whatever is missing in the primary relationship.

 

Once the primary relationship ends, the affair itself isn't enough to sustain a relationship because all it ever had was the few things that the original relationship was missing.

[somanymistakes]

I was about to say "Who wants to know all the gritty details of how someone got together anyway?" in the sense of, when I meet people in the future, I'm hardly going to sit them down and tell them my entire life history including the breaking up and getting back together and so on, because why would they care or need to know?

 

Then I realised that actually I have friends who I know DID get together when one was dating someone else (not married just dating) and they DID tell me that story. I'd just sort of forgotten it. And no, this did not lead to him cheating on the new-girlfriend-then-wife either. At least, not within ten years. There's always the future, haha.

[pepperbird]

I also think there is a huge amount of confirmation bias, and all of us, even in this thread have done it.

 

 

We see what we want to see, and interpret it through our own experiences. That's human nature.

[niteandfog]

Well the thing is, affairs aren't normal relationships because they fill the gaps of whatever is missing in the primary relationship.

 

Once the primary relationship ends, the affair itself isn't enough to sustain a relationship because all it ever had was the few things that the original relationship was missing.

 

That is such a generalisation...

 

Somebody mentioned bias and I think that is definitely correct.

 

I don't know about anybody else's relationship but in my case both my now fiance and me got sucked into our primary relationships. We were weak/lazy/stupid whatever you want to call it and stayed in our previous relationships for far too long. Our primary relationships were dead from the very start. When we met we committed to be together because we wanted to,not because circumstances or society told us that was the best to do.

 

I fully understand this now. It's also very obvious that things in his previous relationship were worse than his exW used to think. Six months later after knowing the truth she's fully moved on. In fact not that long ago I was invited to her house just like she was to.mine.

[Joyce Simmons]

It’s taboo I guess