I hate my husband

[Amphibian]

I hate my husband so much !! He’s not helpful, creates problems! He has a daughter from a previous marriage who’s lived with me since she was 5 and doesn’t have a relationship with her mom. She’s great! I adore her until she starts hanging out with her dad so much and acting like him it makes me dislike her because I hate him. I also have two kids with him who are also wonderful and choose over him even his own daughter chooses me. He creates a lot of stress in our lives. I can give examples but let’s start with the latest one.

 

I NEVER go out with friends I barely have any since moving to a new city. I’m a teacher and I’m currently on break. It ticks him off that I get this break even though he won’t admit it. And I spend the break with the kids cooking and cleaning. It’s not as if I’m laying on my ass. Well I went over to my brothers todsy with kids and he asked me if I could go out with him and his wife to have a few drinks after dropping the kids off. I made sure my husband was okay with that idea and he said he’s.

 

Then after I’m driving home he says “have they already had dinner?” It’s 5 pm, I said “no they had a big lunch but u bought hot dogs.” He said “you’re dumping the kids off and leaving me to make sure The oldest daughter (14) doesn’t screw dinner up that’s what irritates me. Don’t care.” He wanted me to get Wendy’s. I said I spent $200 on groceries and the kids actually want the hot dogs. He’sad at me for not spending money on Wendy’s and going out to drink and says if I have money to do that I have money for Wendy’s.

 

Btw my brother was buying and I spent a ton of money on groceries!!! Not to mention I bought all the Christmas presents and he did not help me with not even one present!!!! I truly hate him. I’m not just saying it I actually do. Is it enough to hurt him or want something bad to happen to him? Of course not. But I wish he’d meet another girl and leave me. Just so that I’m not the bad person. Or I wish we could get a divorce, which I’ve brougut up and he dismisses it.

 

I wish he could get a job that made him travel all the time! My son even told me once he wished he had a new dad! My step daughter would rather be with me. This guy isn’t a bad person. He’d always keep his kids safe but he creates a lot of stress and problems. He’s way to strict with his daughter and undermines anything I say to her. I try to help her out and she knows it but I can’t cause it creates problems in our marriage.

 

I never thought of venting like this I hope it helps me get through this

Edited December 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Happy Lemming]

As time passes, people change... small seeds of indifference grow into hatred. I truly believe you hate your husband at this point. How do you think he feels about you?? Is he just angry that you are on break and his attitude will soften when you go back to work?? Is it just the stress of the holidays??

 

How old is your youngest?? At what age does your state allow the child to chose which parent to live with (12, 13 or 14)?? Can you hang in there until your youngest turns that age?? I'm just thinking what would be easiest on your children. Also, is the step-child close to 18??

[Haru-no-yuki]

Sounds like he hates you as well. Why doesn't he want a divorce?

 

Why do you need his permission to divorce anyhow? Can't you do it unilaterally?

 

By the way... Paragraphs...

[L0nely]

I, too, also hates my husband at times. I'd set deal-breakers in the relationship such as going into debt with casino gambling, cheating, physical abuse, etc. Set a list of deal-breakers for yourself. If the things he does is a deal-breaker, file divorce yourself. If it's not a deal-breaker, just let it pass. All relationships have times of hating, annoyance, love; its called ups and downs. I'd try to think of all the good things about my husband when i'm in hating mode of him. Know your deal-breakers, know your limits, hang in there until at the end of your ropes. Best wishes.

[Ronni_W]

But I wish he’d meet another girl and leave me. Just so that I’m not the bad person.

You're not actually being a 'good person' by keeping all these children in this horrible situation. At best, you're a 'co-conspirator' with your husband, subjecting them to his moods

and the toxic environment.

[Wallysbears]

How long have the two of you been married?

 

When was the last time you spent quality time together as a couple - not as parents doing the day to day parenting things?

 

Have you had any couple therapy together?

[stillafool]

I hate my husband so much !! He’s not helpful, creates problems! <SNIP>

 

Are you going to divorce him?

Edited December 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BaileyB]

I am also wondering why you would stay in a marriage with a man that you hate. That does not seem like a wise decision if you hope to have a happy life...

 

Did you not realize these things about this man before you married him and had two children together? Or, has he somehow changed during your marriage?

[Rockdad]

All relationships have times of hating,

 

 

I have to strongly disagree with this line. That is such a bold all encompassing statement to say that of every relationship. I guarantee that it is not factual. It is very possible and quite doable not to have hate in a relationship. For those who don't have such an element in their relationship it is hurtful to see those that do have an element of hate and contempt for their SO.

[Mr. Lucky]

But I wish he’d meet another girl and leave me. Just so that I’m not the bad person. Or I wish we could get a divorce, which I’ve brought up and he dismisses it.

 

Marriage counseling would be a lot a cheaper.

 

I'd guess most if not all of the issues in your marriage are communication based. Neither of you seem to do a good job of setting expectations and understanding each other's needs so you've disintegrated into separate armed camps.

 

Counseling is at least worth a shot before you try poisoning his food or something equally dire...

 

Mr. Lucky

[WMGuy]

I have to strongly disagree with this line. That is such a bold all encompassing statement to say that of every relationship. I guarantee that it is not factual. It is very possible and quite doable not to have hate in a relationship. For those who don't have such an element in their relationship it is hurtful to see those that do have an element of hate and contempt for their SO.

 

I think Lonely’s statement is true more often than not. However, everyone probably has a different threshold in which they use the term or think about hate. Instead of someone saying that they dislike someone, they will use the term hate. People will hate people for minor infractions while others will need a mass murder to happen before they say they hate someone.

 

It is probably possible, but hard to believe that most long term marriages don’t have some sort of low point(s) a reasonable person would hate the other. When this happens, it is the commitment gets them through.

 

I saw a therapist that told me that 90% of ones marriage can be considered miserable and the good 10% made it worth it. He had been married for over 40 years and had 7 kids. I think he did something right, but this statement is nuts in my opinion.

[L0nely]

THANK YOU WMGuy. That is what I meant.