ericw899 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 So I was supposed to go on a second date tonight with the girl who I met last week and had an incredible first date with. Tonight we planned to get dinner but when I texted her what time to pick her up she said "can we take a rain check until tomorrow since her friend was staying at her place tonight" I said ok, but I'm not sure how I feel. I should mention last week she mentioned she was bi-sexual and even had her dating apps set to women only for a while so it makes me wonder if she cancelled on me tonight, because her & her friend are doing something more. Would love any insight, Thanks!
Happy Lemming Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 I should mention last week she mentioned she was bi-sexual and even had her dating apps set to women only for a while so it makes me wonder if she cancelled on me tonight, because her & her friend are doing something more. Would love any insight, Thanks! First off, I have nothing against women that are bi-sexual, but I don't want to date them. My thought process is... I have enough competition with other guys, its just too hard to compete with women, as well. My advice... move on. NEXT!! Even if this other person is just a friend that she is having a platonic dinner with, you will still be competing with both sexes in the future. 3
matcha Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 If you had a great first date with her, I don’t see the harm in giving her a chance at a future second date and see how that goes? But bisexual or not, I would be very disappointed too if someone cancelled on the day for a friend. I would still try and keep things open and see what she has to say about it, since its not clear what’s going on. Eg. I would take in a friend last minute over a date if they really needed support or something? I get that your mind would be jumping to conclusions - this is early on in the dating game so you’re nervous anyway, and she prioritised a friend over a date without giving much of a reason it seems - but it’s causing your mind to jump to conclusions simply because of her sexuality. Even if someone is bisexual, it doesn’t mean they have no morals or are attracted to anyone and everyone and would make a move. But, as with ladies of other sexualities etc, not everyone is loyal. And for all you know she may have simply come up with an excuse to let you down gently. Thing is though, thinking pessimistically like that is no good for your confidence and you risk missing out if you don’t give people a chance. I would proceed cautiously with her and give her the benefit of the doubt, see if she explains why exactly she cancelled to be with her friend and figure out if she really enjoyed the date as much as you did, and only judge from there.
Zippy2000 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Its natural to have doubts. Trust your instinct though. If you have doubts now its likely you`re that much into her. I d ask you to hold of and slow down to see if you want to see her again. She is bi-sexual and she will have more options available. Take time and see where this goes.
damni Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Even if she is doing something sexual with a female friend, so what? you have had ONE date. You cannot demand exclusivity or should even care at this point.
Giraffe-A Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Whether it be another woman or she were straight, it’s a first date and it’s also the holidays which means many people get together who are close to each other, not necesseraly a love interest. She didn’t cancel on you, she moved your date one day later. Also, you went in knowing she had previously stated she was bi-, so why would you pursue it if you know you will have one added thing on your mind about it?
fred123 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Its natural to have doubts. Trust your instinct though. If you have doubts now its likely you`re that much into her. I d ask you to hold of and slow down to see if you want to see her again. She is bi-sexual and she will have more options available. Take time and see where this goes. what do you mean its likely youre that much into her?
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 she said "can we take a rain check until tomorrow since her friend was staying at her place tonight" I said ok, but I'm not sure how I feel. Thing is I would doubtful of that excuse no matter a person's sexuality. I've had that excuse pulled on me before and the guy ended up flaking again. I usually never gave second chances unless there was an emergency within their family. My reasoning behind this is if a friend from far away was coming, wouldn't she know ahead of time? Plus if anything, if a friend came over last minute, I still would keep a date w/a guy I was interested in. Proceed w/caution. Do not ask her for another date and do not go last minute, If you have plans or another date lined up, do not cancel just for her. Personally I see this as a weak excuse to wiggle out the date.
Simple Logic Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 So I was supposed to go on a second date tonight with the girl who I met last week and had an incredible first date with. Tonight we planned to get dinner but when I texted her what time to pick her up she said "can we take a rain check until tomorrow since her friend was staying at her place tonight" I said ok, but I'm not sure how I feel. I should mention last week she mentioned she was bi-sexual and even had her dating apps set to women only for a while so it makes me wonder if she cancelled on me tonight, because her & her friend are doing something more. Would love any insight, Thanks! She could have just been on her period with bad cramps and made an excuse to stay home.
emeraldgreen Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Let her re-initiate now. Talk to other girls. 1
rightondude Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 well, she did position another day. Which was yesterday. How did it go?
mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 I don't like the fact that she canceled on you for a second date to begin with. Her being bi also puts another factor into it and what you said about her setting - it implies she was looking for hookups and was interested only in women rather than you as a man. Life is complicated to be sure, but her behavior says she's not taking things very seriously and you are.
Author ericw899 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 well, she did position another day. Which was yesterday. How did it go? She cancelled on me again this time blaming her roommates work dinner. I pretty much asked her if she is trying to let me down slowly & she said definitely not. We are talking a little bit but I doubt I’ll see her again
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 I have to say, this is the worst time of year to date. Everyone is busy with dinners, parties, and guests. Stop asking her out. If she wants another date, let her reach out. Talk to other women. 3
Purepony Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Yeah I just put this one at the bottom of the barrel and don’t reach out let her make the next move
Author ericw899 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 Yeah I just put this one at the bottom of the barrel and don’t reach out let her make the next move Well you are damned if you do & damned if you don’t as a man. If I reach out I look needy, desperate & give her all the power. If I don’t reach out, she will feel I’m not actually interested & she won’t get the high of being pursued.
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 But I think you are missing the point. You be who you are and show your interest the way you want to. It's a matter of matching the level of interest and how you both expect to be treated. If it's a struggle with that person, then it's already out of balance and not going to work anyways. If someone really likes you, they will not be bothered by you contacting them daily or whatever or however right? So many worry about "messing up". there is no "messing up". If they are not feeling it, it won't matter how much or how little you contact them or what you talk about. Dating is about "clicking", attraction, hitting it off, and them reciprocating.
Author ericw899 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 But I think you are missing the point. You be who you are and show your interest the way you want to. It's a matter of matching the level of interest and how you both expect to be treated. If it's a struggle with that person, then it's already out of balance and not going to work anyways. If someone really likes you, they will not be bothered by you contacting them daily or whatever or however right? So many worry about "messing up". there is no "messing up". If they are not feeling it, it won't matter how much or how little you contact them or what you talk about. Dating is about "clicking", attraction, hitting it off, and them reciprocating. I just don’t understand how I go on nice dates, we have a great connection, great physical chemistry, she says how much fun she had, talks to me constantly for almost a week then just go cold. It’s such a helpless feeling when you do everything right, we click, bond, kiss etc. then she just drops you after being so excited about a second date. Honestly I just thinking of giving up because no matter what I do it’s not enough.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 (edited) I have to wonder if your picker is broken, OP. You have posted several threads about dates with various girls who haven't really gone anywhere, yet when you describe the type of girls you go for - it's no wonder it's not working. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/660688-should-i-befriend-her-order-get-back-together-updated https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/664722-girl-i-m-talking https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/670573-questions-after-first-date You have admitted to pursuing dates with girls who show low interest, girls you "meet" on Instagram and Snapchat, girls who are overtly sexual right out of the gate. You need to start fishing from better ponds here. It's normal in dating that there will be hits and misses, regardless of what you do or don't do. What was a "click" for you won't always be the same for the girl in question. But I suspect you could be doing a lot better for yourself if you pursued more viable options to begin with. Edited December 29, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 1
Author ericw899 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 I have to wonder if your picker is broken, OP. You have posted several threads about dates with various girls who haven't really gone anywhere, yet when you describe the type of girls you go for - it's no wonder it's not working. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/660688-should-i-befriend-her-order-get-back-together-updated https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/664722-girl-i-m-talking https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/670573-questions-after-first-date You have admitted to pursuing dates with girls who show low interest, girls you "meet" on Instagram and Snapchat, girls who are overtly sexual right out of the gate. You need to start fishing from better ponds here. It's normal in dating that there will be hits and misses, regardless of what you do or don't do. What was a "click" for you won't always be the same for the girl in question. But I suspect you could be doing a lot better for yourself if you pursued more viable options to begin with. Yes I know I have a rotten picker, but I can only date those who give me the time of day. I can message 100 girls on snapchat, instragram, tinder or bumble & I will get 3-5 responses all of the same type of girls. To me it's more coincidental.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Yes I know I have a rotten picker, but I can only date those who give me the time of day. I can message 100 girls on snapchat, instragram, tinder or bumble & I will get 3-5 responses all of the same type of girls. To me it's more coincidental. Do you ever meet girls offline? Or are you relying on social media all the time? 1
Author ericw899 Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 Do you ever meet girls offline? Or are you relying on social media all the time? No, I could never approach a girl in real life. I suffer from so much social anxiety, I can't always tell a waiter or waitress what I want to eat or drink.
Geraltt Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 No, I could never approach a girl in real life. I suffer from so much social anxiety, I can't always tell a waiter or waitress what I want to eat or drink. Have a look through this: How to Overcome Your Social Anxiety Get to the core of that problem and your entire issue will be resolved. 1
Purepony Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Well you are damned if you do & damned if you don’t as a man. If I reach out I look needy, desperate & give her all the power. If I don’t reach out, she will feel I’m not actually interested & she won’t get the high of being pursued. That high is only if the girl or the other person is attracted to you Is that attraction is there it doesn’t get annoying People usually play games like this when they are so to say “Confused”
Purepony Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 I just don’t understand how I go on nice dates, we have a great connection, great physical chemistry, she says how much fun she had, talks to me constantly for almost a week then just go cold. It’s such a helpless feeling when you do everything right, we click, bond, kiss etc. then she just drops you after being so excited about a second date. Honestly I just thinking of giving up because no matter what I do it’s not enough. It sounds to me like you’re doing too much and that might be the problem You’re not leaving any mystery
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