A guy [20 M] I had a summer fling with reached out to me [20 F] about a two weeks ago

[kristiechanel]

Over the summer, I had a fling with a male coworker (previously posted about). It was my first time being involved with anyone (he was my first everything) and despite my initial hesitance, I did eventually catch feelings for him. Unfortunately, I had to go back to school, and when the time came closer he became more distant. I assumed this meant he didn't want this continue, which I understood although it hurt. When the time came for me to leave I wrote him a goodbye letter and the next day responded with a text and he wished me well.

 

 

I thought that would be the last time we would speak. It took me a while to get over that, but eventually I was able to think of him less and less. Then last week or so, I was extremely surprised to see he messaged me on Snapchat (I still had him on there but didn't watch his snaps due to fear of seeing him with someone else). He asked how I was and where I've been and we kind of just caught up a bit. I told him my semester was almost over and he got excited and alluded to seeing me. Two days later he gave me his number, (said he lost his contacts), and told me to text him.

 

 

So I did and we kind of just joked for a while. It was nice. After a bit he tells me to call him later. I did and we talked for a little while. After that he started calling me almost every day but at really late times (like 11pm-2am) which I understood since I know he works late a lot. But after the first phone call, things just felt different. He would often only talk for like 5 minutes and say he would call me back (and never do) or just seem not as interested. Again he may have been tired, but he was the one who reached out to me, so I didn't really understand.

 

 

The last time I spoke to him was last Tuesday and he hasn't called since and I didn't reach out either. I was wondering if I was wrong in not reaching out or should I just take it that he was not that interested/was bored and found someone else? I am assuming he is talking to someone else now, as I saw some suggestive things on his snapchat (which I don't watch anymore again).

 

 

I guess I got my hopes up a bit, but I really don't understand the point of reaching out and leading someone on just to stop contacting them? Or maybe I was wrong in not initiating contact as well? I honestly wasn't quite sure why he reached out to me in the first place and when I asked him why, he said he was wondering what was going on with me (I don't post a lot on social media). Should I reach out or should I just forget about him?

 

 

TL;DR A guy I had a fling with over the summer reached out to me on social media after no contact for 3 months. We talked for about a week and since last week he hasn't contacted me again. Was I wrong in not initiating contact or should I just take this as him not being that interested/finding someone else?

[preraph]

Him calling that late may be a red flag. I mean, let's say he works 2 pm. to 10 p.m. -- he could text or call around noon, a decent hour. I can't be sure, but what if he only calls late hoping for just a hookup, like maybe he's gotten home, had a beer, watched some porn, and bingo, he dials you up. That's what I would worry about. And he's not following through, so absolutely agree that you shouldn't be the one initiating the contact once he has dropped the ball, although if things were going smoothly, then yes, of course.

 

Just don't give your heart away. I always think (in restrospect because I'm older) I'd have gotten to know the real man quicker if I'd just waited to see what he will do without prompting, you know? I mean, if every time you talk, you're nice, he has nothing to stop him from continuing to contact you. Who needs someone you have to prod?

 

So just wait and see what he's made of is my best advice. Keep a lid on your emotions!

[kristiechanel]

This makes so much sense! Thank you so much!

 

I felt that he was only interested in sex as well, so I was hesitant. I am partly glad he didn't call me again, as I feel I would have slept with him in hopes of rekindling what we had.

 

I think it's difficult for me because I want companionship and feel that in order to get that from him, I need to have sex with him, which I know isn't healthy. I just can't let my longing for a relationship/connection make me so desperate that I sleep with a guy who doesn't want the same thing.

 

Thank you again for your kind reply, I really appreciate it

[preraph]

Well, some guys just want sex. Truth is if he wants a romantic relationship and wants a real girlfriend, he will ask you on real dates and take you out, not call late at night hoping for an invitation or sexting or something. So just be patient and see if he ever asks you out or just works up the nerve to suggest coming over and hanging out, and then tell him you're not interested in just hooking up. Really, if you just act like it's out of the question he could possibly want just a hookup and have your expectations set on him asking you on a date, he'll either pony up and disappear.