edgygirl Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 (edited) I have to let it out somewhere, I haven't told anyone and here seems like the right place. I think I was in love with this man when I was 10 yo and we were in the same class in school. My family then moved to another city. I haven't seen him since 1984ish. He's not on fb but through friends profiles I noticed he's prob married with kids. A couple of years ago I went to his city for a school reunion... He was there, without the wife. We chatted and he told me I was quite shy back then. Indeed I was, I am the complete opposite today. Very outgoing. So outgoing that I told him about my feelings then. He seemed surprised. Later on he said he comes to my country/city often (he turned out to be one of the top men in finance in his country) and said he'd contact me. He has me on a messaging system. But then I got drunk and left with another single man from the reunion and spend the night with him in his mansion overlooking the city and the sea. I think I did it because of the longing I had for the married guy. It turned into a one night stand only. Super stupid to do that in a school reunion - I guess people noticed, including the MM. My married crush turned into a very hot/attractive male too. I feel so guilty, because I am NEVER attracted to married men. I think if he ever visits and contacts me, I'd jump on him the first time we are alone. Men are not stupid, right? He prob noticed I am still attracted to him, I'd think? I wonder if he has the same idea about it that I do. I feel so guilty and at the same time so attracted to him, just as I was when we were pre-teens. He's exactly the kind of man I wish I had married and I feel really jealous of his wife. Why does this man keeps coming back to my head? Is it the childhood crush? Edited December 27, 2018 by edgygirl
grays Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 That’s so hard. I do think it will bring heartache to someone or several people if it turns into anything. But I have been around men who feel really irresistible to me in a deep way and I get that. There was one that I knew during the first few years of my marriage who tried to kiss me and I said no. It was the right thing, right? But it might be the thing I’ve regretted most in my life. And maybe 8 years later his wife, who he met after that moment and who had become a close friend to me and my husband, told my then-husband that when she and this guy went to marriage counseling he was talking about me. Everybody got hurt anyway, ffs. I think your best hope is that he doesn’t try to visit. Are you texting or is it just that he’s got your number just in case? 1
grays Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 And this guy still comes into my head all the time. I pine away for him. But he’s in a relationship and at this point I feel like I’ve ****ed up with him so much. Hurt him when I said no and hurt him in that it was coming between him and his wife somehow. Wondering if it was hurtful that the four of us were inseparable for a few years and then that came crashing down. It’s all painful even with no affair. 1
Author edgygirl Posted December 27, 2018 Author Posted December 27, 2018 (edited) Wow thank you for sharing this. You defined it well, he seems irresistible to me and I don't think I feel that about many people. Yes although I'd want to meet him, it's better indeed if he doesn't look for me. He was the one who asked for my number, and said he'd be in touch when he visits, but no, I don't really think he will ever contact me when he's around. We just sent a couple texts to make sure we got the right (international) numbers. At times I do think about sending a "hi" text. But I don't. I don't judge people who go for married ones, but I always thought that for me it was a huge NO. I am surprised by my feelings. That’s so hard. I do think it will bring heartache to someone or several people if it turns into anything. But I have been around men who feel really irresistible to me in a deep way and I get that. There was one that I knew during the first few years of my marriage who tried to kiss me and I said no. It was the right thing, right? But it might be the thing I’ve regretted most in my life. And maybe 8 years later his wife, who he met after that moment and who had become a close friend to me and my husband, told my then-husband that when she and this guy went to marriage counseling he was talking about me. Everybody got hurt anyway, ffs. I think your best hope is that he doesn’t try to visit. Are you texting or is it just that he’s got your number just in case? Interesting. I don't even know if this men thinks about me the way I do about him though. He does know I had feelings for him as a child, but not sure he understands I am still deeply attracted to him. It's amazing that everyone got hurt in your case, even with no affair whatsoever Just goes to show how much damage this kind of thing can do. And this guy still comes into my head all the time. I pine away for him. But he’s in a relationship and at this point I feel like I’ve ****ed up with him so much. Hurt him when I said no and hurt him in that it was coming between him and his wife somehow. Wondering if it was hurtful that the four of us were inseparable for a few years and then that came crashing down. It’s all painful even with no affair. Edited December 27, 2018 by edgygirl
grays Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 It wasn’t that long ago that I ended a thing with a married man. He lied to me in the beginning, well for the first six months or so and still (six months after the last time we saw each other) texts me saying he’s not really married bc they don’t have a real relationship, just coexisting in the same household. But the very first day we met I thought there was a chance he was lying. And every day I was with him there were more clues. I like to think he was the one who did this awful thing, but I played along because I wanted him so bad. Until I couldn’t anymore. So, IME, having the affair isn’t a good way to go either, especially since you’re using the word *love*. I’m sure you’re not technically in love, but you’re having strong feelings. Save yourself! 1
Author edgygirl Posted December 27, 2018 Author Posted December 27, 2018 Oh the old fable of telling people you live together but are not together... I really hate that. Oh believe me I am not * in love * with him now... I was when I was 10 yo I think it's more about lust, desire and curiosity now. And I feel terrible about it. It wasn’t that long ago that I ended a thing with a married man. He lied to me in the beginning, well for the first six months or so and still (six months after the last time we saw each other) texts me saying he’s not really married bc they don’t have a real relationship, just coexisting in the same household. But the very first day we met I thought there was a chance he was lying. And every day I was with him there were more clues. I like to think he was the one who did this awful thing, but I played along because I wanted him so bad. Until I couldn’t anymore. So, IME, having the affair isn’t a good way to go either, especially since you’re using the word *love*. I’m sure you’re not technically in love, but you’re having strong feelings. Save yourself! 1
grays Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 Don’t feel terrible about how you’re feeling! 2
Happy Lemming Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 In my youth, I dated a married woman. We were introduced by a mutual friend. She was in a love-less, sex-less marriage. She was sad and depressed. There was no life left in her eyes, until she met me. The first night we met, we talked, danced, laughed, and made love. It brought her back to life. We continued all kinds of travels and adventures. We both really enjoyed ourselves. We dated for a while. Eventually, she wanted to give her marriage another try and ended it with me. I have no regrets for my actions. It was a great time in my life and I brought joy to someone who really needed it. I'd like to agree with "grays"... You have nothing to feel terrible about. 1
Giraffe-A Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 You can't help who you fall for, and whether we all share our nightmare or happy stories about it, you will eventually make a decision to just smile because you have a crush on the guy and hope he's single the next time around, or you will pursue it, get hurt, and be sad for a very long time. We all take risks at love. I was personally satisfied knowing that the jock who had been my best friend since the 1st grade actually had a crush on me all the way to highschool. Didn't know it until we were adults. Sometimes just knowing brings a lot of happiness and that is sometimes enough. 1
Author edgygirl Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 Thanks for sharing Happy Lemming But he seems to be in a happy marriage... I have no reason to believe otherwise. THAT'S what makes me ashamed of my feelings/wants/thinking of him from time to time. In my youth, I dated a married woman. We were introduced by a mutual friend. She was in a love-less, sex-less marriage. She was sad and depressed. There was no life left in her eyes, until she met me. The first night we met, we talked, danced, laughed, and made love. It brought her back to life. We continued all kinds of travels and adventures. We both really enjoyed ourselves. We dated for a while. Eventually, she wanted to give her marriage another try and ended it with me. I have no regrets for my actions. It was a great time in my life and I brought joy to someone who really needed it. I'd like to agree with "grays"... You have nothing to feel terrible about.
Author edgygirl Posted January 3, 2019 Author Posted January 3, 2019 Thank you, this was good for processing my feelings. Aww it's great to learn about these things. I once moved countries at age 9 and a friend wrote me the guy I liked in school also told everyone he liked me after I left I am not sure what I was trying to accomplish when I told this guy but I'm happy I did. It's so weird to tell someone decades after the fact but it felt good. You can't help who you fall for, and whether we all share our nightmare or happy stories about it, you will eventually make a decision to just smile because you have a crush on the guy and hope he's single the next time around, or you will pursue it, get hurt, and be sad for a very long time. We all take risks at love. I was personally satisfied knowing that the jock who had been my best friend since the 1st grade actually had a crush on me all the way to highschool. Didn't know it until we were adults. Sometimes just knowing brings a lot of happiness and that is sometimes enough.
preraph Posted January 3, 2019 Posted January 3, 2019 Just remember it's easy to idealize someone you don't really know well. IF he ever cheated on his wife with you, wouldn't that soil the pedestal you have him up on? Would he still represent that perfect guy you are giving him credit for being. See, to me, if he did that, it would ruin it for me. I'd then know he didn't have the heart and ethics I was giving him credit for having that I fell for.
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