See-Me-Feel-Me Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 It was a dopey thing to say but maybe it shows that he likes to dominate. It's an accusatory thing to openly imply your weight is not what he thinks it should be. He may actually not have thought about it being all that offensive. I would say let it go but watch to see if he's an insensitive klutz or not. If he is, he is and won't be much more than that going forward. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 First off, hats off to your progress...That's terrific... I dunno... I don't think its as earth shattering as some people are making it out to be...Guys say this stuff to other guys all the time...They also call each other fat, dumpy, whatever and its no big deal.....its just playful joking/banter... The question is why then would he say it to a date/woman?? I just think he wasn't all that sharp in this area...Or he may have felt more comfortable with you that he should have...I dunno... If its otherwise good, DON'T get angry or terse with him over it...That will probably scare him off(he may think you are too thin skinned)... Here is another possibility,.,,,I don't know where you live, but around here people will often say just about anything to other people and no one gets too bent out of shape...If you do it in other locales, it doesn't go over as well.. Is he overweight or out of shape?? TFY 1
guest569 Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 I think he might be trying to give a compliment but, eek! A colleague said this to me once several times and I was so offended. 1
Author edgygirl Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 Thank you, you're right Gretchen. I am indeed on the sensitive side. I am working on that -- I am finally realizing it f-up a few relationships with potential. I think that's one of the reasons I came to post here (instead ie of really confronting him for being insensitive or so as I did in the past). Edgygirl, no need to make an issue of it. You don't have an eating disorder, the comment should just go unnoticed. I'm wary of men who are too sensitive, or have gotten used to being with sensitive women. Some of the older divorced men no longer dare to speak freely. This guy didn't do anything wrong!
Author edgygirl Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 I confess I've been a little too thin skinned in potential relationships lately... trying to improve. Interesting you should ask. He is in shape, but on the meaty/husky side from what I could gather. Gosh I didn't even look at that to be honest. I kept mostly looking at his face. But I do feel he's self conscious about his weight, as he mentioned "going for a walk to lose some pounds", and that he tends to "eat at night", whatever that means. I said I am not into skinny men, not to worry First off, hats off to your progress...That's terrific... I dunno... I don't think its as earth shattering as some people are making it out to be...Guys say this stuff to other guys all the time...They also call each other fat, dumpy, whatever and its no big deal.....its just playful joking/banter... The question is why then would he say it to a date/woman?? I just think he wasn't all that sharp in this area...Or he may have felt more comfortable with you that he should have...I dunno... If its otherwise good, DON'T get angry or terse with him over it...That will probably scare him off(he may think you are too thin skinned)... Here is another possibility,.,,,I don't know where you live, but around here people will often say just about anything to other people and no one gets too bent out of shape...If you do it in other locales, it doesn't go over as well.. Is he overweight or out of shape?? TFY
Author edgygirl Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 Thanks everyone. He just invited me out again... seems promising and he's doing most things by the book time-wise and also asking the right questions about potential for long term relationships etc 1
spiderowl Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Personally, I think this is a red flag. He feels it is appropriate to comment negatively on your body. It might be a back-handed compliment, as someone mentioned, but nevertheless the entitlement to comment on your body is worrying. Yes, he might be socially unskilled or stupid, but do you really want someone like that? I can bet that he will say something equally insulting or disturbing next time you meet him (or possibly via text or email). I have found, from experience, that insensitive people do not change, they just carry on in the same vein. If he has enough redeeming qualities and you like him, then maybe the good will outweigh the bad. I can guarantee, though, that this will not be the end of his 'edgy' personal comments. 1
Kelliousme Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Yes, men are idiots. They don't know what to say and how their words can affect us. I'm a very small petite woman, about 5'3 and only 85 lbs. I'm very underweight, but I've been underweight my entire life. One guy I've dated told me, "I really wish you were fatter". HUGE red flag. It's NEVER okay for anyone to judge a woman's body. Nonetheless I was really hurt by those words. Your case isn't as severe as mine, because perhaps your date was just trying to make a joke. Like most of us mentioned, men can be stupid. But if he continues to make comments about your body, then I'd get up and leave. 1
Interstellar Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 But I do feel he's self conscious about his weight, as he mentioned "going for a walk to lose some pounds", and that he tends to "eat at night", whatever that means. I said I am not into skinny men, not to worry Tends to “eat at night” is guyspeak for I love food. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 While not talking extremes here, there is nothing more attractive or sexy in a woman the trait of not letting everything you say to them make them crumble into a heap or fall apart over it... TFY 2
Giraffe-A Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Uuurgh, both my friends and mothers of anyone I dated always said that to me. I took it so bad because I used to weight 310lbs (140kg) and had cut all my social ties and food and hid under a rock to be able to be 135lbs (61kg). I spent all of my life getting bullied and insulted because of my weight, only to be told I was too thin?!! Well.....not much you can do except say that you are happy the way you look and feel, thank you. Deep down, I don’t feel they mean it in a bad way. It’s just an expression. 1
stillafool Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Gosh... I hope he was not doing what RecentChange mentioned in another body-image thread: "Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by the pickup artist community,[1] several of whose members have proposed it as an effective method to build attraction." He didn't seem like an a**, but I wouldn't be surprised as he works in finance, and I know what they say about finance guys. He did kinda compliment me though, said I must have many guys after me... Yes I've had men do this to me in the past. Telling me I'm too thin to make me question myself. I feel if you thought I was too thin why were you chasing me to take me out?
Interstellar Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 While not talking extremes here, there is nothing more attractive or sexy in a woman the trait of not letting everything you say to them make them crumble into a heap or fall apart over it... TFY Just like sex, politics, and religion. Weight and physical appearance are a touchy subject. Both for men and women. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Just like sex, politics, and religion. Weight and physical appearance are a touchy subject. Both for men and women. For some, I suppose... TFY
Noproblem Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 Some men would like their girlfriend to be more chubby but not overweight. Or maybe they want her to have bigger boobs or bigger hips. Other want their gfs to be slim Some would like them short and slim Others would like them to be tall and slender. and you have some who want them to be overweight surprisingly, there are some men who want their gf to be obese. But moral of the story: If you can't get a gf with your ideal image of what her body should look like. Either suck it up and live with it or just leave her be. You don't destroy her self-esteem by telling her how she is so slim/fat/short/tall etc! Just go find another gf if you can!
Author edgygirl Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 (edited) lol I got my answer... without asking again... He sent me two messages out of nowhere - one said: "with all due respect, you're the only woman I met with a marvelous body who didn't have a body pic in her profile. I think that's kind of cool." I thought to myself - which is it? Am I too thin or have a marvelous body? LOL!!! Then I got a second text - he said that when he called me skinny, that was an "euphemism for perfect". Hmm... funny as I didn't ask about it again. He prob realized he made a faux pas. Or maybe he's on these forums and read my thread! hahaha. (doubt it) It's also funny I forgot I didn't have a body pic in my profile. It's for the best as I don't want to attract the creeps after a ONS. I think it's cute he made the effort to go back to it without me asking again. Edited December 29, 2018 by edgygirl
Gretchen12 Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Hee hee hee... he's trying damage control. It's cute. Text back "oh yeah! I had forgotten that comment you made, but now that you reminded me..." Dating should be fun. I hope you enjoy more dates with him. 2
Author edgygirl Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 Hehe right? Thanks Gretchen I'm actually quite excited to see him again this weekend Hee hee hee... he's trying damage control. It's cute. Text back "oh yeah! I had forgotten that comment you made, but now that you reminded me..." Dating should be fun. I hope you enjoy more dates with him. 1
alphamale Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 I remember a number of years ago I was at this office and this new lady transferred to our office. She had a bit of a tummy so I asked her if she was pregnant. She said "nope, i'm just fat" I was SO embarassed
Author edgygirl Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 That's why I NEVER ever ask a woman who looks even 9 months pregnant if she's pregnant LOL Cause sometimes it's just really a belly. I remember a number of years ago I was at this office and this new lady transferred to our office. She had a bit of a tummy so I asked her if she was pregnant. She said "nope, i'm just fat" I was SO embarassed
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 I remember a number of years ago I was at this office and this new lady transferred to our office. She had a bit of a tummy so I asked her if she was pregnant. She said "nope, i'm just fat" I was SO embarassed Not an uncommon mistake my friend. lol
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