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"Let's eat something, you're too thin"

edgygirl

By edgygirl
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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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So I had a good first date yesterday but something keeps coming back to my mind.

 

The man said - let's eat something, you're too thin.

 

:confused:

 

And he said it twice. I am 5'4 (1.62) and recently gained 13 pounds (about 6 kg), going from 114 to about 128 pounds (58 kg), BMI of 22. I don't think I'm that thin. I haven't gotten that phrase lately, and I've been double my size once, so I am proud/glad I lost the weight. I just asked "so you think I'm too thin hm?" to which he didn't respond.

 

He kissed me and asked when we were going to see each other again, so I guess he was attracted to me.

 

But what makes a man say that? :( He was very polite otherwise.

Wallysbears Established Member

Wallysbears

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Because men can be idiots.

 

I spent the vast majority of my life being told how "thin" I was. I hated it. Even now (despite my feeling a little 'fluffy') if I comment even to girlfriends about how I need to lose 5lbs, etc. I get stupid "but you're so thin" type comments)

 

People are clueless and don't realize that it is impolite to comment on people's weight, period.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Your weight sounds healthy for your height. If he thought you were too thin why was he attracted enough to ask you out? There are plenty of women out there who are weighty.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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Sounds like a bad joke.

My uncle made the same joke yesterday... I'm pregnant.

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Exactly. I was surprised too.

 

I looked at his fb and saw a photo of him with his ex, she was regular weight as me, not chubby or so. Weird. Maybe he was trying to be "funny"?

 

Your weight sounds healthy for your height. If he thought you were too thin why was he attracted enough to ask you out? There are plenty of women out there who are weighty.
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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Congrats olivetree! Yes that's what I'm thinking too - a bad joke maybe.

 

Sounds like a bad joke.

My uncle made the same joke yesterday... I'm pregnant.

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Gosh... I hope he was not doing what RecentChange mentioned in another body-image thread:

 

"Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by the pickup artist community,[1] several of whose members have proposed it as an effective method to build attraction."

He didn't seem like an a**, but I wouldn't be surprised as he works in finance, and I know what they say about finance guys.

 

He did kinda compliment me though, said I must have many guys after me...

Interstellar Established Member

Interstellar

Posted
Posted (edited)
So I had a good first date yesterday but something keeps coming back to my mind.

 

The man said - let's eat something, you're too thin.

 

:confused:

 

And he said it twice. I am 5'4 (1.62) and recently gained 13 pounds (about 6 kg), going from 114 to about 128 pounds (58 kg), BMI of 22. I don't think I'm that thin. I haven't gotten that phrase lately, and I've been double my size once, so I am proud/glad I lost the weight. I just asked "so you think I'm too thin hm?" to which he didn't respond.

 

He kissed me and asked when we were going to see each other again, so I guess he was attracted to me.

 

But what makes a man say that? :( He was very polite otherwise.

 

Men don’t really understand the power and meaning behind words.

 

I’d say a lack of social skills, and empathy. But for me I’d rather say you look great, or you look very nice rather than further comment about someone’s physical appearance. Some women like to insist though, like details, haha.

 

EDIT - I re-read your post again and no he’s not trying to be funny and light.

Edited by Interstellar
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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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So what was he trying to do? It was just the lack of social skills you think?

 

EDIT - I re-read your post again and no he’s not trying to be funny and light.
PRW Established Member

PRW

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So what was he trying to do? It was just the lack of social skills you think?

 

I think the guy is just another one with poor dating skills and poor social skills. I think you have been getting a rash of these types (unless this is the same guy from the other thread).

 

Just chalk it up to stupidity. It is up to you if you want to meet him again.

 

Now with a woman I know well and have a good report with we might tease each other and say stuff like this without a second thought. But more common sense should apply with a stranger on a new date.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Poor choice of words. He was trying to exhibit caring.

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Interesting. That occurred to me as well.

 

It's actually a common thing for us Jewish women to say in a knee jerk way, without thinking too much... although he's a guy! :lmao:

 

Poor choice of words. He was trying to exhibit caring.
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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Same guy from the other thread this week ;) He seemed to interact very well with the people at the restaurant, the barman etc. Maybe he's good with social skills but not much with dating skills.

 

Yes, prob just a stupid comment. I don't think I will cut him off over that.

 

You're right - it's a fine sarcastic comment if you know someone for a while, but not on a first date.

 

I think the guy is just another one with poor dating skills and poor social skills. I think you have been getting a rash of these types (unless this is the same guy from the other thread).

 

Just chalk it up to stupidity. It is up to you if you want to meet him again.

 

Now with a woman I know well and have a good report with we might tease each other and say stuff like this without a second thought. But more common sense should apply with a stranger on a new date.

ShadeOfGreen Established Member

ShadeOfGreen

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I agree with PRW. This is something you do when you have a rapport with someone, and that takes time to develop. Poor choice on a first date.

 

The fact that he didn't respond after you questioned his statement makes it a bit awkward. It was a chance for him to recover after a badly placed joke. People who subtly jab like that when first meeting lead me to believe they may be too critical or insensitive for my tastes.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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If you do chalk it up to stupidity and give him another chance, make sure to firmly set a boundary of "my weight is not for discussion" next time he says it.

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PRW Established Member

PRW

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The fact that he didn't respond after you questioned his statement makes it a bit awkward.

 

I wouldn't worry about that. Responding to something as small as that often just keeps magnifying it and giving it more attention than it deserves, fanning the flames of the emotions. It is better to just let it drop. So I think he did ok in that respect. I always recommend that people (particularly guys) never go on an "apology tour" over small things, just leave things in the past and keep looking forward and moving forward. You apologize for serious offenses.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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most men like a little bit of meat on the bones

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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... us Jewish women

 

I didn't know you were Jewish edgygurl :)

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Great advice basil67, thank you!

 

 

If you do chalk it up to stupidity and give him another chance, make sure to firmly set a boundary of "my weight is not for discussion" next time he says it.
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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Well I do have that! :) Hence I'm surprised he said it.

 

I guess you can't win... when I was fat people called me out on that too.

 

most men like a little bit of meat on the bones
Interstellar Established Member

Interstellar

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So what was he trying to do? It was just the lack of social skills you think?

 

It’s tactless and I would watch and see if this becomes a pattern.

 

If it does then we have a problem.

Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

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Men say that when they are just starting to learn social skills and have heard it's bad to say to a woman that she's overweight - and swing the other way and say they are too thin.

 

 

He's got a bit of social skills learning to do.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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It was a back handed way of giving a compliment. Don't make a mountain out of mole hill. I'm sure he learned it from his mother.

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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No one is perfect lol :lmao:

 

I didn't know you were Jewish edgygurl :)
Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

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I just asked "so you think I'm too thin hm?" to which he didn't respond.

 

Edgygirl, no need to make an issue of it. You don't have an eating disorder, the comment should just go unnoticed. I'm wary of men who are too sensitive, or have gotten used to being with sensitive women. Some of the older divorced men no longer dare to speak freely. This guy didn't do anything wrong!

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