yeleeni Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 Hello all. I am a 30 year old woman. Please don't judge me and be harsh on me. I know this is messed up situation and that I am a terrible person. I have depression and anxiety issues and I recently went through an abortion 7 months ago that still affects me because I regret it. Anyways here is my situation. I have had a long distance relationship for several years and he is my fiance for 2 years now. During my time with him I ended up falling in love with someone else so I broke up with him. This is before being engaged. But I was with the new guy for 6 months. This is all about just over two years ago. I loved the new guy, it's also a ldr. He pleases me so well over the phone and video, he is dominant in the way I need. I am in love with everything about him. The problem is he also has issues like me which is a reason we bonded but he doesn't have a job and still doesn't after all this time. He never took the initiative to come see me. Which is why I made the decision to break it off with him and get back with the guy who is now my fiance. I do love him, but i'm im love with the other guy, he just never took the step to see me. My fiance has a great career and is kind and supportive but he doesn't do it for me the same way my dominant lover did. I am with my fiance because he is the smart and safe choice. But the dominant guy has my heart and he says I have his. After my getting pregnant several months back my dominant lover has fell away from me a little bit. To make it clear I've known my fiance more than 5 years and it was awhile before I fell in love. With my dominant lover I knew him over 2 years and it took awhile for us to fall in love. Sk it's not like falling in love is easy for me. What makes things worse is about a month ago I met someone else online, he's so cute and attractive and I am into him and his personality is amazing, he's smart, witty, humorous, he actually knows how to have deep meaningful conversation. I don't love him. We don't or can't choose who we love. If I could I'd choose this new guy because he's perfect for me. It's just I also love my fiance and we have been together for along time and been through a lot. Yes we don't live together yet because of a lot of different things. I am not in love with my fiance but I do love him. He doesn't do it as much for me sexually and he's sensitive and more of a woman in the relationship than me. My dominant lover, I love him so much but I don't want to be but I can't help it. He's not the smart or safe choice but he has my heart. We can't choose who we love or decide who we love. The new guy spends so much time with me. He's there for me, he listens to me, he deals with my bs, we have all the same interests and likes and dislikes mostly. We watch and listen to a lot of the same stuff. Like I said I am into him and adore him, but I don't love him yet. I don't really know what i'm looking for here or trying to ask exactly. I feel terrible because I feel like I am cheating on two people with this new guy, we have had several sexual conversations already and phone sex and video sex but i don't love him. I cheat on both my lover and fiance with this new guy but i don't feel bad cheating on my fiance with my lover nor my lover with my fiance. My lover knows i'm with my fiance and it does bother him. My fiance doesn't know about anyone else, he does know i used to be with my lover but he believes i no longer keep in contact with him. I know im terrible but online ldr only is rough and I have needs and not all of them are being met. Last time I saw my fiance was about 7 months ago. My fiance gets on me about a lot of small little bs things. Im conflicted and a messed up person. Sorry to bother you all. Please don't be mean to me.
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 Are you seeing anybody for your depression & anxiety? I suffer from both too & you can't deal with all that on your own. You need to get off your computer & get these LDR guys out of your life. I'm not trying to be mean but you need to realize they are not real. Until you meet somebody face to face in real like anything that happens on your computer even with phone & camera is a fantasy. You have no idea who they really are. You just know who you think they are. It's all a big attractive all consuming illusion. You could probably use a lot of premarital counseling with your FI. He deserves to know the truth about why you broke up with him, why you came back, what's missing from your relationship & that you are still out there trolling for dominant men to fulfill what you think you aren't getting from him. He's probably going to leave you but that's OK because right now you are settling & that is no good for either of you. Fix what is broken inside of you. Build up your own self esteem then go looking for love but not on a computer. Date locally so you can actually be with your partner. 1
Author yeleeni Posted December 27, 2018 Author Posted December 27, 2018 Are you seeing anybody for your depression & anxiety? I suffer from both too & you can't deal with all that on your own. You need to get off your computer & get these LDR guys out of your life. I'm not trying to be mean but you need to realize they are not real. Until you meet somebody face to face in real like anything that happens on your computer even with phone & camera is a fantasy. You have no idea who they really are. You just know who you think they are. It's all a big attractive all consuming illusion. You could probably use a lot of premarital counseling with your FI. He deserves to know the truth about why you broke up with him, why you came back, what's missing from your relationship & that you are still out there trolling for dominant men to fulfill what you think you aren't getting from him. He's probably going to leave you but that's OK because right now you are settling & that is no good for either of you. Fix what is broken inside of you. Build up your own self esteem then go looking for love but not on a computer. Date locally so you can actually be with your partner. Thank you so much for this response. Yeah im seeing a specialist and she mentioned that I seek out dominance is because of what happened in my past when I was younger and then again in my late teens.... Also my fiance does know and that's partially why we still aren't permanently together in person because I have admitted to talking to guys in past. He has me on probation right now.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 You need to get off your computer & get these LDR guys out of your life. Exactly. You should also work with your therapist to understand why you continue to pick guys that are unavailable for IRL relationships. You're clearly avoiding the intimacy and emotional interaction you have to be with someone to achieve. Lots to work on... Mr. Lucky
bathtub-row Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 You need to end all current relationships in your life, and especially forget about any LDR’s, and get your head screwed on straight before dating anyone else. You’re just in love with love and attention, and feel like you have to have someone, which is making you unfocused and needy. Not to mention making really bad decisions that are probably based on what others think instead of your own principles - assuming you know what yours are. Drop all guys from your life and figure yourself out first.
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