Teag Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 OK, My H best friend "Tom" has recently started dating my H ex-girlfriend from 6yrs ago. I'll call her "Sarah" Well when we are all together my H makes comments about when they were together. Saying things like we'll ya'll were with me or ya'll stayed w/ me so long. A better example would be like last night they came over so my H could help "Tom" hook up some speakers in "Sarah's" car. Well my H is a smarta*s. He's always making cracks about something not being mean but in a funny way. Well he said something & "Sarah" said shutup your an ass, & H said well you both say I'm an as*hole but YA'LL stayed w/ me, I guess YA'LL just loved the d*ck. I guess I'm just that good blah blah blah. Now I don't know if he just likes the attention or what but it drives me crazy. When she's not around he makes rude comments about her b/c she's gained alot of weight since they were together & he's make a comment like all two of her. Or her fata*s. She's a big girl whatever. I just don't understand why he does that, is he trying to make me jealous? I talked to him about it this morning & he said that's fine I didn't realize it bothered you (duh) but if I slip up & say something I don't mean anything by it. He continues to say I don't understand why it bothers you b/c I haven't had anything w/ her in 6 years blah blah blah. He's like if you made comments about your exes I wouldn't say anything b/c I know I'm w/ you they're not. He just thinks I'm jealous, which I do tend to be when it comes to his exes especially the ones he's slept with. Am I'm being ridiculous? But I think he should be alittle more caring about my feelings. (BTW we've been together for 4.5yrs)
Merin Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 WTF When I read that your husband said that you BOTH must just like the Dick that he's that good I almost spit out my sugar smacks! That IMO was WAAAAYYYY out of line on so many levels. The fact that you were present and HIS Wife when he said that was wrong, The fact that HIS Friend and now his EXGF's BF was present when he said that was wrong, and the fact that he said something so crass to her was wrooonngggg! This goes beyond a jealousy issue, this IMO goes into a RESPECT issue. Ugh!
Author Teag Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 WTF When I read that your husband said that you BOTH must just like the Dick that he's that good I almost spit out my sugar smacks! That IMO was WAAAAYYYY out of line on so many levels. The fact that you were present and HIS Wife when he said that was wrong, The fact that HIS Friend and now his EXGF's BF was present when he said that was wrong, and the fact that he said something so crass to her was wrooonngggg! This goes beyond a jealousy issue, this IMO goes into a RESPECT issue. Ugh! I'm glad I'm the only one who feels this way. H best friend "Tom" just kinda laughed & "Sarah" didn't say anything but it really bothered me. But he's always making other comments like well ya'll put up with me, stuff like that, & I didn't say anything until this am after he made that one comment & he doesn't see anything wrong with it, he just thinks I'm being jealous. Grrr
RainyDayWoman Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 i don't see how his making comments about her "fat a*s would be designed to make you jealous--unless it's a known fact that he digs a fat a*s. however, saying things like "you both just liked my dyck" is not only inappropriate, but disgusting. he especially shouldn't say those things in front of you. does he have any class at all? or any semblance of an IQ? because it certainly doesn't sound like it.
Author Teag Posted September 15, 2005 Author Posted September 15, 2005 No the fata*s part was not for jealously but he says that about her but then makes the other comments. I don't know what the deal is, he's never said things like that before about any of his other gf's although I've only been around one other one & he wouldn't make comments like that. It almost makes me wonder if he still has feelings for her.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 No the fata*s part was not for jealously but he says that about her but then makes the other comments. I don't know what the deal is, he's never said things like that before about any of his other gf's although I've only been around one other one & he wouldn't make comments like that. It almost makes me wonder if he still has feelings for her. well, in my experience, if someone keeps bringing something up, it's because they are still thinking about it. my boyfriend doesn't talk about his ex. even if someone brings up her name (usually in a distasteful way, she was apparently a real jerk) he just says "oh, please don't even bring her up. i've forgotten all about her and i prefer to leave it that way." and then the subject is dropped and changed. he never brings her up in front of me. i don't talk about my ex to him either, and honestly, i don't even think about him. on the other hand, when i was with that ex-boyfriend, i was very attracted to another guy. i didn't even notice my ex had figured it out, and he confronted me with it by saying "you talk about this person a lot...what's going on?" i didn't even realize i was doing it. this other guy was just on my mind so much that he would come up in a lot of conversations without him even being relevant. still, my ex didn't start dating my friend and remain part of my life...maybe you're boyfriend's a little jealous or angry that his friend is dating an ex. it seems like he's trying to make himself feel like he's not missing anything because by degrading her behind her back, and being suggestive when she's around. just something to think about.
JS17 Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 well, in my experience, if someone keeps bringing something up, it's because they are still thinking about it. I totally agree. I agree with what Merin said too, minus the sugar smacks spitting My ex used to do the same thing. He talked about his oh so wonderful exgf from college that was the best relationship he's ever had (yet he cheated on her but that's besides the point). It used to upset me so much and he never got it, he thought it was my problem. It made me feel so insecure, and rightfully so, because of exactly what Rainy said, She was always on his mind. It's inconsiderate and inappropriate. Of course an ex will come up in conversation once in a while but it shouldn't happen all the time and your SO shouldn't go on and on and on about it nor should he make inappropriate comments, a la you both must have liked the d*ck. What he said was completely disrespectful and you have a right to be ticked about it.
bab Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 I'm an as*hole but YA'LL stayed w/ me, I guess YA'LL just loved the d*ck. I guess I'm just that good blah blah blah. Yes, this was a very crass thing to say, maybe he honestly didn't realize it was inappropiate. I talked to him about it this morning & he said that's fine I didn't realize it bothered you (duh) but if I slip up & say something I don't mean anything by it. Sometimes guys can be dense as to what bothers their gals, so now that he does know it bother's you, give him a chance to stop making comments. You have to give him credit for agreeing to try. Maybe she comes up often not because he still has feelings for her, but because he just sees her alot through Tom. Does she come up more often than Tom? Also, maybe the current situtation is very awkward for him, and cracking jokes about it is his way of dealing with it.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 15, 2005 Posted September 15, 2005 Wayyyyy out of line. Disrespectful. That to me just says he doesn't care if it brings the picture of the two of them getting it on into your mind. :sick:
Chimerical Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I hate to be the one to side with the Husband... but I don't think he was outta line. And I think it was very considerate of him to say that he will try to refrain from making comments in the future. Here's my reasoning: His best friend is shagging his ex. That has gotta be uncomfortable for the Husband. He doesn't want to see the ex, but now he's forced to if he wants to keep Tom as a friend. And maybe he see's it as a bit of a dig into his pride that his ex g/f is obviously over him and sleeping with his best friend. So to get some of his male pride back he makes some comments about how much she loved his dick.. etc... Maybe it's not very sensitive to the wife, but honestly, he's not saying it to be disrespectful to her. All he's saying is, "I'm busting my ass helping your sorry sob's out, and I'm going make some jabs to remind you all that I'm top dog here." Regarding the fat-a comments... Maybe he's got some resentment issues still about the women he hasn't worked through yet. Now he's forced to confront it. Maybe he thought it'd make you feel more secure. Maybe a little of both. You made your feelings known about how it affects you. I think you're going to need a thicker skin for a while. He's not saying it to hurt you, or disrespect you. If he doesn't curb his comments, then that's one thing. But if he slips up once in a while and maybe mentions the fact that she's gone to pot, don't jump his butt over it. How would you feel if you ex b/f was dating your best friend and you had to see the bas*ard all the time? Try putting yourself in your husbands shoes before getting so sunk into hurt feelings. I'm not saying you're wrong to feel hurt and jealous, but a little compassion for him too wouldn't be unappropriate. He IS with you. Why are you jealous of a women he's calling a fata$$? Are you worried he thinks that way of you? Or that he will? Do you believe he wants her back, and to woo her, he insults her?
Author Teag Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Chimerical-They haven't been together in 6 years, it's not like they broke up 6 months ago. And besides the point H told "Tom" that he should hook up w/ her b/c she wasn't a pshyco like his current gf was. And for the matter of my best friend dating my ex would bother me alittle BUT I wouldn't disrespect my husband by making sexual comments about him. And besides that my H wouldn't allow my ex to come around all the time even if he was w/ my best friend. I guess thats where girls differ from guys. It is unacceptable he knows how I feel about the subject of any of his ex-gf especially when it comes to them having sex. But to give him credit, they came over saturday & sunday to cook out & my H didn't make any comments so hopefull it'll stay that way but if he does slip up again I will say something to him & he'll be lucky if I don't say it in front of everyone especially since we had a long discussion about it. He IS with you. Why are you jealous of a women he's calling a fata$$? Are you worried he thinks that way of you? Or that he will? Do you believe he wants her back, and to woo her, he insults her? It upset me b/c my ex-bf use to call girls fata*s ALL the time, girls that weighed literally 100 lbs more than me if not more & he still cheated on me with them. So yeah I'm alittle insecure when it comes to things like that and he knows that but sill made comments like that.
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