L0nely Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 "sperm jacking" (new one on me) gets you years of court hearings, a child raised in daycare and a lifetime of single motherhood... Mr. Lucky Yes, all of the girls that I've known to sperm jack ends up in divorce within 10 years. This way at least it'll satisfy their ticking bio clocks. They find ways to have kids first, then find their compatible partners (mostly other single fathers) later on in life. OP, your only other option is to set an ultimatum for yourself. Give yourself 1 year with each guy. If they don't propose to you within the year and marry you in the next year, then move on to other guys. Life is short, live life how it makes you happy. Just be prepare for the consequences and find a solution. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 There's a story here on LS about a girl who stopped sex with her husband right on wedding night. She just wanted that ring, not the guy. It sounds like that girl would be you. No one can truly know someone until you've lived with them but you refuse cohabitation without marriage. Anything less than 2 years is not even long enough to truly know a person, let alone truly love someone. Your kind of love for him is just lust for that ring. If you're going to rush things, then 1 for-sure way is to sperm jack him. That way he'll be stuck to marry you right away or else child support. I don't recommend this way because it is wrong, yet I've known so many girls who did this because of their ticking biological clock. Good luck. I would strongly disagree with a woman living with a man prior to marriage if her goal IS marriage. Staying the night? Sure. Moving in together? No. It is fine to play house if you don't want to be married. But don't play house with a man and fulfill the role of "wife" unless you are that. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 No one can truly know someone until you've lived with them but you refuse cohabitation without marriage. I personally agree with this. Many of the people I know who didn't live together at all before getting married, ended up with rather very nasty surprises soon after they did get married. Frankly I think it's especially important for women to cohabitate with a partner before they make a lifelong commitment. So many men want a wife who contributes equally to finances but refuse to share the household chores similarly, or are terrible with finances themselves, etc. Better to find out before you get married so you can make an informed decision about whether you want to stay with them or not. People will debunk this with "stats" about divorce rates, but divorce rates don't really say anything about the health or happiness of a marriage. The statistics are very clearly skewed because very conservative/traditional people tend to both not cohabitate AND stay in miserable marriages all their lives. We call this a "confounding factor". But anyway... if the OP doesn't want to cohabitate before she gets married, that's her prerogative. I do think it's a bad idea, and I do think she's obsessed about the end goal of marriage, vs a happy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 So, OP, how's the child/money/religion-politics mesh? Didn't see that discussed. Big part of being married. Most of my friend's/in-law's children and grandchildren who are your age went through longer courtships before becoming engaged. IME, the more highly educated, the longer it took. Some dated for nearly a decade, starting in college, before tying the marital knot. IDK. Either the guy wants you for his wife, or not. Hard to know. He may not want anyone for a wife and is just blowing sunshine up your rear. Guys do that. What's his family tree look like on the marriage thing? Apples don't fall far from the tree. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 I understand some people don't believe in cohabiting until marriage or engagement but IMO, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard You don't know someone until you live with them, wake up with them everyday, eat dinner together everyday, share bills together, share household chores together, etc, etc Refusing to live with someone until marriage/engagement is like buying a car you know nothing about. It's such a short sided, illogical point of view. I have no idea why people chose to do this. Maybe that's why divorce rates are so high today. Because people don't even know the person they're marrying. Plus you've only been together for a year. Yes that's enough time to see a future with someone but not nearly enough time to decide on one, especially not even living with the person and only seeing them on the weekends as another poster mentioned. OP, start looking at this from a practical, pragmatic perspective. Your bf seems to be. Love and marriage is great...but not when it ends in divorce. I agree with you to some extent. I have heard people say that you can get to know someone by spending weekends with them but it is easy to fake good habits for 48 hours. The problem is that some men will live with a woman indefinitely without even thinking of marriage. Marriage minded women end up wasting their time with someone who doesn't have the same goals. The solution is cohabitation with a shared goal of marriage. A couple can agree on a timeline for a proposal and wedding prior to moving in together. The timeline should not be vague. It should also work for both partners so that there is no room for excuses when the time comes to pop the question. Those who want to get married should not bother to date people who do not think that marriage is important and necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 OP, do you want to marry your boyfriend or do you just want to get married? Please DO NOT make the mistake of rushing into marriage with an incompatible man just because you want marriage and children. That leads to divorce in most cases. Link to post Share on other sites
L0nely Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 OP, do you want to marry your boyfriend or do you just want to get married? OP has made it clear that she just wants to get married. Either with her current bf or with someone else who wants her. She's lusting for "the ring". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 I would strongly disagree with a woman living with a man prior to marriage if her goal IS marriage. This can have it's downside too. A woman I knew wanted to at least be engaged before moving in with a man. She ended up had three engagements and one short lived marriage. I think that not living together certainly hurried things along, but was hurrying things along ultimately a wise decision? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
L0nely Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 But don't play house with a man and fulfill the role of "wife" unless you are that. Or the women can look at it as "how's he going to be as a husband?" Some people get nasty surprises when they found out husband don't share house chores, bad at finances, refuses to cook for you when you're sick, comes home late randomly without letting you know or don't care to let you know. Sure they can discuss about it, but actions speaks louder than words. Some guys will say they share house chores but ends up NOT. Then what? On your perspective, maybe some people like nasty surprises. The solution is cohabitation with a shared goal of marriage. I do agree with this one though. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 OP has made it clear that she just wants to get married. Either with her current bf or with someone else who wants her. She's lusting for "the ring". I agree but I wanted to confirm that with the OP. Maybe we're getting the wrong idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe-A Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 Marriage is more than your biologcal clock. It is finances, shelter, security, compromise, challenges, and hope you make it to retirement. This forum is full of young marriages that have strayed and failed. One year is not enough time to determine if he wants you for the rest of his life. He may not feel financially ready to care for you or children. At 20ish, you’re just out in the world trying to figure out who you are. This is not the 18th century, BTW. We live longer and can have children way past our 30’s. By all means, if you have the need for marriage, go find it. There may be guys who want what you want after 2 weeks of dating. Let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
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