Mungie68 Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 My partner and i have been together for 6 years. There have been many ups and downs because she is in the closet. She comes from a tight orthodox greek family. Her being in the closet caused both of us emotional turmoil because she was still living at home. However after 3 years she moved out and we were able to be more free together. Anyway her Mom died in May unexpectedly this year. Her sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer (has been cured now). I was as supportive as i could be practically and emotionally. I went to the funeral even though i had to sit up the back. I wanted to still be there for her of course. The death of her Mother seemed to bring us closer. Fast forward to October of this year. My Dad suddenly went into a deep depression. He had to be admitted into a psych ward. He was starting to get better with proper meds. However he had a fall and broke his hip. Now he has delirium and his memory is getting worse and he may end up in a nursing home. I am broken hearted over this because all my life he has been my only solid foundation. When i met my girlfriend she was also the other constant in my life. Anyway my partner has tried to support me through all this even though she is still feeling the loss of her mother. I have been very emotional about the loss of the Dad i once knew. Over the past 6 weeks my partner has been saying to me she really loves me but is feeling very numb since her Mothers death and feels she cant be the kind of partner i need right now. She feels she can support me better as a friend. When she said this i felt the world had dropped out from undrrneath ne. I said there is no need to break up. I understand that she is grieving and i will be patient. However i could feel her slowly becoming more distant and i began to panic and put the pressure on. I felt like the only 2 solid people in my life were slowly slipping away from me. Dec 12th she finally ended it. She said she loves me and doesnt have the energy for a rship right now and that she wants to find herself. She has always been there for others and now she needs to love herself and be there for herself. She wants to be there for me as a friend and she wants to support me through this rough time with Dad. She told me that she knows by this decision she could lose me forever but she needs to do this for herself. Now that her mom has died she wants to learn to stand on her own two feet. She has told me not to wait for her because she doesnt know how long this will take. She goes back and forwards because she still has a deep love for me so it can be confusing at times. Its christmas day and i am alone at her house. She invited me to join her and her family but i felt uncomfortable. I spent all day with her yesterday but i couldnt stop crying because being at her place brouggt all the beautiful memories back that we shared together. I have never felt so lost and heartbroken as i have in the last couple of months. I cant imagine what she is feeling. Anyway i am not sure what to do. Stay her friend and try to be supportive of her at this time and hope eventually she will return as my partner or to go no contact so i can heal. I am so conflicted and hurting right now. I just cant believe my life and hers have been thrown upside down in the way it has
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 My parents' deaths plunged me into a deep depression. I am lucky my husband didn't leave me when I was miserable to be around. My EX BF pulled away a great deal when his mother died. Death effects people differently. You two have the added burden of your GF being in the closet. That alone has to be a huge strain. I know when I was forced to sit in the back at the funeral of my EX's mother, it took a huge toll on our relationship. I felt so excluded & unloved. You need to focus on your dad now. If your GF can't be there for you, it's best to not settle for the breadcrumbs of friendship. I'm not saying be mean. I am not even saying tell her this. I am saying let your actions speak for themselves. Do what you have to do for yourself & your dad. Let her come to you if she is able. Otherwise live your life as a single woman who is free to date others & look for a love who is able to return your affection publicly
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