Mixalis-tzatziki Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 I met this girl at my house party about 6 weeks ago. We really hit it off and she seeming really into me. We hung out together most the night. Hung out a lot in my room talking too, but didn't hook up. So, the party was on a Saturday night. She started messaging me immediately when she got home after the party till she fell asleep, again when she woke up, and then I didn't reply all day, and when I replied at night, she replied instantly and we chatted till about 3am. She mentioned hanging out or partying again together soon. From the Monday, we kept talking everyday, not all day, and not once did I bring up hanging out. Then Friday night when we were talking, I told her I was at a house party near where she lives and she asked if she could come with 8 mates. I said it might be too many cos the house isn't huge and she just said don't worry about it, next time. Saturday we were still talking and around midnight I asked her what she was doing, she said she was bored just chilling at home, I said next time you bored let me know we can hang out. She replied the next day "sure I will definitely let you know. what your plans tonight?" I said no plans I just want to go to Costco and take a drive, have a chilled Sunday, to which she says I really wana go to Costco too, I haven't been in ages. I said I can pick her up if she wants to go, and then she says I have to go with my sister (they live together) but next time I'm totally down. She even asked me do I have a spare helmet for her. cos I got a motorbike. I just said sure no problem next time and we didn't really keep talking and the conversation ended there. We didn't speak on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday I messaged her to invite her to my house on Thursday night for a Thanksgiving dinner / party we were having. She said she had plans with her friends already, but would really like to come after if it's ok with me and it's not too late. I said sure its not a big deal I know its late notice, if you can make it will be cool to hang out again otherwise another time. She replied "ya it would be cool! I really hope I get to stop by and taste your cooking too." She messaged me that night saying she's really sorry she can't come. I just said no worries have a good evening. This is the 10 day mark I was referring to in my title. She replied 3 days later saying "hey i went mia all weekend, how are u?" I replied a couple hours later just a simple reply. She reads it 3 days later again, replies "hey im so sorry watsup? how r u" I reply the next day, again a simple reply im good, busy week so far how u been?" well again, 3 days later she replies. "Hey i'm good, im sorry I been so mia." Now it's just strange so all I said is hey its cool, is everything alright? She didn't read it. and at 3am I messaged her again hey is there a reason for your mia? feels like u dont wana talk to me anymore suddenly. if something is wrong u can tell me. She still has not even read any of those last messages I sent... it's been 3 weeks now. I don't understand what happened.. I thought she was into me too, and I don't think I came on too strong at all. pls any advice would help!
Garcon1986 Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 I think that this is an unfortunate side effect of dating, both genders have been guilty of such things. What was likely on her mind is that she found somebody she liked better. Sorry to hear it old chap. I would move on and find some greener pastures. Continuing to contact her will make you look weak in her eyes.
Author Mixalis-tzatziki Posted December 26, 2018 Author Posted December 26, 2018 That was my gut instinct too mate, that she had probably been seeing someone also before that night we met and she became exclusive with him or something along those lines. I won't message her again no chance, I think the only mistake I made was that 3am 2nd message, but it was 1 and nothing else. Thing is we were speaking on FB so I see she goes online, just blatantly ignores me. That 3am message I was drunk and saw she was online so sent it. But obviously haven't since. But why not just tell me? Keep things simple and tell me the truth and I'd say cool no problem we can be friends. We met at my party through mutual friends so we will run into each other at some point again.
Garcon1986 Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Women are in general trained to be more indirect for fear of hurting feelings. They have heard horror stories of domestic violence and don’t want to risk experiencing that side of a man regardless of whether that stereotype is or is not fairly applied. Its the female let you down easy. Directly saying it is too confrontational in her world. Men would obviously appreciate the more direct approach.
Stercrazy Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 If a girl is into you she will make it obvious. It seems like you caught her attention but things just didn't work out and her attention is elsewhere. You did nothing wrong. Sounds like bad timing. Nothing more nothing less. Maybe she hits you up in the future, maybe she won't.
Author Mixalis-tzatziki Posted December 26, 2018 Author Posted December 26, 2018 If a girl is into you she will make it obvious. It seems like you caught her attention but things just didn't work out and her attention is elsewhere. You did nothing wrong. Sounds like bad timing. Nothing more nothing less. Maybe she hits you up in the future, maybe she won't. Thanks for reading my lengthy post man.... I just wanted to put all the details out there so someone could tell me whether I messed up somewhere. Obviously when you get ghosted you have no idea did you mess up or what, so its hard to proceed or learn from it. It seemed to be going well, all the talking the day after the party especially made me think our meeting meant something for sure. Even the night before the thanksgiving party and in the morning when she said it would be cool to hang out again and she hopes to stop by to to taste my cooking. I couldn't understand how the very next day she became distant so thats why i kept replying to her late messages for a week because I thought she was just busy, so even gave her the chance to explain herself, but she chose to not even read it... I honestly don't know if I'll hear from her again its been over 3 weeks now and of course I have no intention of saying anything. Sucks because I really thought we hit it off and now every time I see her go online messenger it pisses me off.
PinkPampies Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Sorry, but it seems like you’re an afterthought to her which means she’s not interested.
clia Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 My speculation is that she met someone else right after Thanksgiving who actually asked her out on a date. You displayed very low interest in her -- you weren't assertive, you never asked her out on an actual date, and when you did ask her to do something it was at the last minute or a trip to Costco. Let's walk through it. So, the party was on a Saturday night. She started messaging me immediately when she got home after the party till she fell asleep, again when she woke up, and then I didn't reply all day, and when I replied at night, she replied instantly and we chatted till about 3am. She mentioned hanging out or partying again together soon. From the Monday, we kept talking everyday, not all day, and not once did I bring up hanging out. So, this girl was expressing clear interest in you for 5 days and you never mentioned hanging out again or going out on a date. You could've asked her out for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, etc. Did not. Then Friday night when we were talking, I told her I was at a house party near where she lives and she asked if she could come with 8 mates. I said it might be too many cos the house isn't huge and she just said don't worry about it, next time. This girl was dying to see you. You rejected her and didn't offer any sort of alternative. Saturday we were still talking and around midnight I asked her what she was doing, she said she was bored just chilling at home, I said next time you bored let me know we can hang out. So passive and wishy washy. Why not just ask her on a date? Why so much texting? She replied the next day "sure I will definitely let you know. what your plans tonight?" I said no plans I just want to go to Costco and take a drive, have a chilled Sunday, to which she says I really wana go to Costco too, I haven't been in ages. I said I can pick her up if she wants to go, and then she says I have to go with my sister (they live together) but next time I'm totally down. She even asked me do I have a spare helmet for her. cos I got a motorbike. I just said sure no problem next time and we didn't really keep talking and the conversation ended there. She did exactly what you asked her to do. She wanted to go on a date with you on Sunday night. Your response should've been to ask her out, not talk about going to Costco and asking her to go to Costco with you. Costco is not a date. (I think maybe initially she wanted to see you so she reacted positively, but she talked to her sister or a friend and realized that Costco is not a proper date so she pulled back from that idea.) Another chance blown by you. We didn't speak on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday I messaged her to invite her to my house on Thursday night for a Thanksgiving dinner / party we were having. She said she had plans with her friends already, but would really like to come after if it's ok with me and it's not too late. I said sure its not a big deal I know its late notice, if you can make it will be cool to hang out again otherwise another time. She replied "ya it would be cool! I really hope I get to stop by and taste your cooking too." She messaged me that night saying she's really sorry she can't come. I just said no worries have a good evening. Two more days go by without you asking her out on a date. And then you throw out a last minute invite on Thanksgiving, when most people have plans. This doesn't even feel like a serious ask and to be honest, it's weird to invite her over for Thanksgiving if you haven't even been on a date with her. She replied 3 days later saying "hey i went mia all weekend, how are u?" I replied a couple hours later just a simple reply. She reads it 3 days later again, replies "hey im so sorry watsup? how r u" I reply the next day, again a simple reply im good, busy week so far how u been?" well again, 3 days later she replies. "Hey i'm good, im sorry I been so mia." She met another guy right after Thanksgiving, likely on Friday. My guess is he asked her out right away and that's why she was MIA and busy. She waited around for 10 days for you to actually ask her out. You didn't do so and lost any momentum you had going from the night you met. By the time she met this other guy her interest in you had likely waned due to how lukewarm you acted. There's a saying that goes "you snooze, you lose." You snoozed. 2
stillafool Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 She wasn't home at 3am because she was probably sleeping over at some guy's house.
chillii Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Sorry to break it but those messages would send anyone into ghosting surprised you didn't ghost her first. You had a bit of fun on the night but that's obviously really all it was. She's probably off partying it up right now holidaying somewhere.
MaleIntuition Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Too much beating around the bush here. You sound a bit youngish. Almost all women will expect you to take initiative early on. As in; ask her on a proper date. Not a random “hangout”. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Being asked to “hang out” is lame, OP. We ladies like to be asked on a proper date, not a Costco run or last-minute invite to Thanksgiving. The way I read it, you had several oppportunities to ask her out properly and you never did. She got bored or assumed you weren’t that interested and moved along. Just leave it now, but next time, show a little more initiative and avoid talk of “hanging out.” Simply ask the girl for lunch or dinner or something that resembles an actual date a bit more.
Giraffe-A Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 I’ve been personally guilty of bailing on friends if I found a guy that I really liked, or would include him with our group. I’ve done that with one guy. With others, I would make the same excuses this girl was making. And you never really say straight out that you are not interested because it doesn’t register since you’re not dating the person. When there’s times of boredom, that’s when you make time to talk. Idk....I say that girls like to keep guys around to shoot the breeze without any romantic intents. Girls love friendships. Seems to confuse guys. Kinda like guys love sex and confuses girls thinking it means they are loved.
olivetree Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 You never asked her out on a proper date and pretty much asked her to "hang out" last minute a couple of times to group gatherings. It comes off as low-interest, low-confidence. I'd lose interest in you too.
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