Ishy Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 Hi guys, I am new I am 33 and he is two years older than me. But neither off us had a lot of experience in relationships before we met. And we are two awkward people. He met my brother around 5-6 months into the relationship. But it took a good 13 months before he met my family. I have not met his family at all. They didn't even know of me until about 9 months in. I don't know if its because its we have different backgrounds but in mines parents are brought into the picture fairly quickly. I've tried inviting him around to my brothers social gatherings but he feels awkward and he always says no. But he respects me as a person and as a woman. Intimately it was difficult for me. Not being experienced. We tried once, and then it took 10 months before I was comfortable fully to want to again. He never pushed it. Not once. But he says I will be meeting his family next year. That's not long but I am really hoping it is sooner rather than later.
Happy Lemming Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 So what do you think you will accomplish by meeting his parents?? Do you think (meeting his parents) adds a sense of permanence to the relationship?? He is 35, I doubt (at this age) he is seeking his parents' approval of his dates/girlfriend.
Author Ishy Posted December 25, 2018 Author Posted December 25, 2018 (edited) So what do you think you will accomplish by meeting his parents?? Do you think (meeting his parents) adds a sense of permanence to the relationship?? He is 35, I doubt (at this age) he is seeking his parents' approval of his dates/girlfriend. It's not about the approval , but I do feels is important part of a relationship as I don't want to know him I want to know all of him and that includes meeting his parents. They're a huge part of his life. Edited December 25, 2018 by Ishy
Lotsgoingon Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 Sounds like one ... or both of you ... would do well for yourselves and for the relationship ... to get to therapy. If you both are extremely awkward and shy ... and uncomfortable, then it's hard for you to move forward as a couple. You need ONE OF YOU to take the lead, and ease things ... and so the other can then step forward. Working with a therapist would be great... Now that I'm thinking about it, couples counseling could be great for you guys too ... In either case, you'd get "homework" each week ... and you'd open up a little bit more, practice new confidence ... and come back and report what happened in therapy ... Discuss, evaluate what happened ... make some adjustments and you try out the new behavior in the relationship. I worry that without therapy, you guys are stuck. There are lots of awkward people out there ... but someone in the couple has to have some confidence to push things forward and to help calm the nerves of the other one. You guys right now and merely reinforcing your own mutual awkwardness. Get to therapy and you can experience some of the most amazing growth and joy you can imagine. BTW: part of the growth you can experience is accepting your awkwardness and not being embarrassed by it. So when one of you makes a move, you're OK with things being awkward for a bit.
Author Ishy Posted December 25, 2018 Author Posted December 25, 2018 Sounds like one ... or both of you ... would do well for yourselves and for the relationship ... to get to therapy. If you both are extremely awkward and shy ... and uncomfortable, then it's hard for you to move forward as a couple. You need ONE OF YOU to take the lead, and ease things ... and so the other can then step forward. Working with a therapist would be great... Now that I'm thinking about it, couples counseling could be great for you guys too ... In either case, you'd get "homework" each week ... and you'd open up a little bit more, practice new confidence ... and come back and report what happened in therapy ... Discuss, evaluate what happened ... make some adjustments and you try out the new behavior in the relationship. I worry that without therapy, you guys are stuck. There are lots of awkward people out there ... but someone in the couple has to have some confidence to push things forward and to help calm the nerves of the other one. You guys right now and merely reinforcing your own mutual awkwardness. Get to therapy and you can experience some of the most amazing growth and joy you can imagine. BTW: part of the growth you can experience is accepting your awkwardness and not being embarrassed by it. So when one of you makes a move, you're OK with things being awkward for a bit. Thank you for your response. I was on the verge of going to therapy at one point.. taking him with me. The lack of intimacy was really bothering me at first but we went on holiday together it really has made all the difference spending more time together. It was never his fault. He just did not want to push me. I had serious psychological and body image issues over intimacy and he wanted me to feel ready. As for the awkwardness, he has met my family and it's a big deal to me to meet his. I have told him I want to meet them and very excited to meet them. So hopefully next year which is in a few weeks or within the first three months. I try to talk about it every now and then but I worry I am pushing it too much. But you're not wrong however difficult it is to hear. Therapy really is something I need to explore with him. Again thank you so much
Giraffe-A Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 You guys seem to be moving super slow due to your personal comfort levels. That will not change by meeting the parents. Pushing the issue is also not fair. I’ve introduced 2 guys to my family in my 2 decades of dating. I’ve met plenty of parents. That didn’t change the outcome.
Author Ishy Posted December 25, 2018 Author Posted December 25, 2018 You guys seem to be moving super slow due to your personal comfort levels. That will not change by meeting the parents. Pushing the issue is also not fair. I’ve introduced 2 guys to my family in my 2 decades of dating. I’ve met plenty of parents. That didn’t change the outcome. I guess I need to take a step back with that. When he is ready. It maybe super slow ... But he nor I are in a rush in regards to getting married. I'm more concerned about whether we like each other and feel happy around each other. I think we are. I am trying not to be unreasonable I guess the fact we had two different upbringings might be why we see things so differently.
Giraffe-A Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 I guess I need to take a step back with that. When he is ready. It maybe super slow ... But he nor I are in a rush in regards to getting married. I'm more concerned about whether we like each other and feel happy around each other. I think we are. I am trying not to be unreasonable I guess the fact we had two different upbringings might be why we see things so differently. I hear you. Definitely work on you guys first. He seems to be sticking around, so have fun!
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