Secretly resenting that my man is a single parent part 2...

[Indigo.Cranes]

Merry Christmas, lovelies!!! I hope you're all having a wonderful, cherry, warm day today!

 

This is part 2 of my (drunken) closed thread. Please seek previous profile info if you have no clue what I'm talking about.

 

So....

 

 

This man is absolutely wondrous. We share a deep soul connection where it's like painful parts of our souls were aligned before we even knew another existed. We both experienced incredulously abusive parents in freakishly similar ways. We both have extreme military influence on our lives. It's as if our souls have spent our lives reaching out for something and we finally found that something within another. Yes, there is moscato involved in this post. Don't judge me.

 

He is beyond what I've dreamed and craved in a man. I have never encountered such instant emotional/spiritual intimacy and harmony. He is the most protective, gentle, affectionate man I have ever met. We will lay in the bed and laugh for hours. We will burst into laughter over silly jokes during all sorts of (yummy) sex. He has made several comments about making me his wife. We will have six hour FaceTimes until we fall asleep, as two grown a** adults. I am convinced this man is my soulmate...however, he is a single dad which, as a childless woman, made me uneasy. It's obvious his child's mother chased him. You can tell by their "family" pictures that she is more happy to be next to him than he is to be next to her. Without the irresponsible, foolish choices of her womb, she would have simply been forgettable and replaceable. What she had to bring to his memory bank was counterfeit companionship at its absolute best, it would never be the real thing. Fake emotional currency. An act of desperation. She is not life partner material hence their breaking apart. I just so happen to be moving out of state to his dream city and he is tempted to compromise his position in his child's life for authentic (not merely lustful, superficial, replaceable) companionship.

 

I am trying to prepare myself for a future with an extension of himself, his child,who is so lovingly attached to his ex. And plausible, authentic envy from his ex that I could obtain a position she spent 10 years trying to earn but wasn't meant to have. Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated and helpful. Thank you all.

[Indigo.Cranes]

I am wearing his boxers right now because I find it comforting...is that weird?? Lol!!!

[losangelena]

Okay ... so you just want to keep venting about the same things, or? ... do you actually want to move to the next level?

[elaine567]

Be careful.

He no doubt love bombed her in the same way he is love bombing you.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Okay ... so you just want to keep venting about the same things, or? ... do you actually want to move to the next level?

 

I'd like insight on future step-mom life. Please & thank you.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Be careful.

He no doubt love bombed her in the same way he is love bombing you.

 

Well...based on or very intimate conversations...he's one of those very attractive men who is used to being chased and having girls choose him. She was one of those attractive, slightly thirsty, romantically inadept females who thought pursuing him, instead of appealing to his bioilcal instincts and letting him pursue her, was a good idea. Ironically, one of her friends had been involved with him prior to her (pathetic) MySpace message. And I can tell there was a slight loss of permanent respect on his end that she violated girl code. Mind you, this chick was TWENTY-FIVE MYSPACE MESSAGING a TWENTY-TWO year old...a barely grown man, talking about, "I just want you to know I think you're cute." LAME!!! When she gets pissy, he reminds her that she chose him, not vice versa.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Be careful.

He no doubt love bombed her in the same way he is love bombing you.

 

I don't mean to sound like a cocky jacka** but this chick and I are on two entirely different separate levels. Point blank. We don't even approach romance the same way.

 

She chases after it like a lonely, desperate stray dog and I don't.

 

She's got a ton of daddy issues to compensate for and warmly fulfill with a whole separate type of male presence that I don't.

 

She relies on her looks, which are attractive but beatable, to appeal to men rather than an exciting life to bring them into and I don't.

 

She's too busy trying to enhance whatever idea she's got of the ideal feminine image rather than simply enhancing her internal existence so she can go beyond any simplistic, superficial, replaceable idea of the ideal feminine image.

 

She got pregnant unexpectedly because she thought her vagina was a shortcut to a man's heart and not her internal being.

 

We are on two completely different soul levels. If he were trying to "love bomb" me the way she was "love bombed", it would not work because her self-worth was weak and mine isn't.

Edited December 25, 2018 by Indigo.Cranes

[Indigo.Cranes]

I mean no disrespect to women who sincerely have daddy issues and feel a deep need to compensate for a lack of familar male presence with sexual male attention but sexual bliss is not a shortcut to a man's soul. You cannot win a man's heart by simply bouncing on his peen and being unquestionably charmed by his being. This chick thought looking cute, flattering his ego, and carrying his child was the key to his heart long-term. False. Lies. Fairytales.

 

She was not life partner material because she was too busy trying to be picture perfect and manufacturing the perfect love story rather than letting love form organically, challenging him to be a better human being, not always giving in, and being too concerned with superficial appearances/connection to help him weed out detrimental weaknesses. It was a depthless connection that they irresponsibly convinced a chlld within. Nothing more.

Edited December 25, 2018 by Indigo.Cranes

[Indigo.Cranes]

She gained long-term significance and the benefits of his protective nature by default because it would hurt him to see his child hurt by her mother's demise in any way. Only because she is the mother of his child. If she would have been more responsible with her womb and delicate with her child's future, she would have been his past right where she belongs.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you want advice about being a stepmother, why are you so hung up on making yourself feel superior to the child’s mom?

 

As I read it, you are very insecure about her and this thread has little to do with how to take on a stepmother role and much more to do with assuring yourself that you’re better than her.

 

You’re already setting yourself up for big problems by turning this into a one-up situation by tearing her down.

 

I would examine your own very evident insecurity about her, because she’s not going anywhere. You say almost nothing about the child or step-parenting, so let’s be real and admit that this thread has nothing do with that.

Edited December 25, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[Indigo.Cranes]

If you want advice about being a stepmother, why are you so hung up on making yourself feel superior to the child’s mom?

 

As I read it, you are very insecure about her and this thread has little to do with how to take on a stepmother role and much more to do with assuring yourself that you’re better than her.

 

You’re already setting yourself up for big problems by turning this into a one-up situation by tearing her down.

 

I would examine your own very evident insecurity about her, because she’s not going anywhere. You say almost nothing about the child or step-parenting, so let’s be real and admit that this thread has nothing do with that.

 

 

Thank you bunches for your thoughtful reply !!

 

It's not so much that I feel insecure by her, it's more so that I detest she has a permanent place in my man's life because she was a desperate fool with her womb. I am just calling it like it is: she foolishly, idiotically thought sex was a gateway to a man's heart forever and concieved a child out of it. He was an idiot as well for not having higher lifelong standards for his life and his sperm. It would be different if she was actually an honorable mention like a former fiancé or ex-wife and not just some sad, desperate, nearly 30 yr. old woman sending MySpace messages out to guys who were badly in their 20's

[Indigo.Cranes]

If you want advice about being a stepmother, why are you so hung up on making yourself feel superior to the child’s mom?

 

As I read it, you are very insecure about her and this thread has little to do with how to take on a stepmother role and much more to do with assuring yourself that you’re better than her.

 

You’re already setting yourself up for big problems by turning this into a one-up situation by tearing her down.

 

I would examine your own very evident insecurity about her, because she’s not going anywhere. You say almost nothing about the child or step-parenting, so let’s be real and admit that this thread has nothing do with that.

 

I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart DESPISE that I'm expected to give a female like her respect for the simple fact that she is the mother of his child. Not because she's actually earned respect as an integrous, honorable female but simply because she took a load of his sperm without being smart and responsible enough to keep on top of her birth control. So pardon me if my verbiage comes off as harsh or ruthless. I can never voice my true feelings elsewhere without offending him or his child (because regardless of how sleazy and stupidly foolish, that's still the child's mother).

[Indigo.Cranes]

She saw an attractive man, chased after him, lingered around like a stray cat begging for warm milk, thought he would compensate for the daddy issues from her mother's piss poor life choices, seemingly, foolishly figured that sex was a long term route to companionship and now I have to deal with her existence if I want to explore the connection. Pisses me off. She belongs in the past as a temporary presence in a former chapter. Not as a continuous presence as the mother of his first child. It's infuriating.

 

 

At least I'm honest.

[snowcones]

This is the female version of those guys who hate single moms.

 

This is so much wasted emotional energy. (not to mention extremely negative)

 

Only something like hypnosis or some other kind of mind control can help you, because you have really horrible thoughts that you are stuck on that are not conducive to a relationship with a single parent, yet you are with one and won't let him go. Unless you get help with dispelling with these thoughts, I foresee several decades with you harboring these resentful feelings, if you stay with him.

[Indigo.Cranes]

If this goes further, I could use some insight on how to separate his child, half of him, from her mother's identity/influence. At the core of my heart, I truly despise and detest that his ex is still present in his life. I don't want her around. It's obvious from what he has shared that she has a piss poor, replaceable contribution to his memory bank and they were too young to recognize it as such. I get irritated that he couldn't be more responsible with his d*ck and would share it with someone who is nowhere near lifelong partner material.

 

 

I just desperately wish his ex wasn't in the picture. Sometimes I wish they would have just aborted that child and parted ways for good.

[Indigo.Cranes]

This is the female version of those guys who hate single moms.

 

This is so much wasted emotional energy. (not to mention extremely negative)

 

Only something like hypnosis or some other kind of mind control can help you, because you have really horrible thoughts that you are stuck on that are not conducive to a relationship with a single parent, yet you are with one and won't let him go. Unless you get help with dispelling with these thoughts, I foresee several decades with you harboring these resentful feelings, if you stay with him.

 

Not necessarily...

 

I could deal if it was an ex wife or if he as a widower. At least she would have had an honorable presence. At least I could respect her as a majorly significant female presence in his journey who helped mold him. But this chick is just some pathetic, thisty female who tried to numb her daddy issues with her vagina and now her womb is a detriment to my romantic future. She barely earned a girlfriend title. Any title of significance she's had in his life exists only because she carried his child. She does not belong.

 

Anyhow, thank you for your honesty. Perhaps you are right and I am just not meant for this situation

[Indigo.Cranes]

I really, truly despise her existence and I need help resolving those strong feelings if I'm going to move forward with this man.

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, you are wasting your time with him.

 

You have so much vitriol and jealousy and insecurity regarding this child and the mom that your relationship will never work.

[snowcones]

Not necessarily...

 

I could deal if it was an ex wife or if he as a widower. At least she would have had an honorable presence. At least I could respect her as a majorly significant female presence in his journey who helped mold him. But this chick is just some pathetic, thisty female who tried to numb her daddy issues with her vagina and now her womb is a detriment to my romantic future. She barely earned a girlfriend title. Any title of significance she's had in his life exists only because she carried his child. She does not belong.

 

Anyhow, thank you for your honesty. Perhaps you are right and I am just not meant for this situation ��

 

 

There is an innocent child involved. Who needs his father. Please don't make this be about you and your insecurities and make this man begin to think with his dick (because we all know they do) and choose you over his child and ruin this child's life. Because you need to "win". Just go pick a man who doesn't have a child and leave this man alone already. You already made a thread about this exact topic and got no where and now another one?.... this resentment is not going anywhere.

[elaine567]

I get it, it is instinctive, it is territorial and it comes from the same place and is the reason why male lions kill the offspring of rivals in order to mate with females to further their own genes.

BUT this is 2018, you are not a male lion and you have to put up and shut up or get out.

It is unfortunate for you, but she exists, she will always exist.

I note you want to have 1,2,3,4... babies with this man, I guess to try and blot his ex and the existing child out.

BUT that baby is his first born and that tends to mean a lot and babies need care and attention. You cannot base having loads of babies on your jealousy of his ex... That is madness talking...

Calm down.

 

BTW I see the boxer wearing as claiming territory too, but that will not make him yours...

 

 

Daddy issues? How old is this man and his ex?

How old are you?

[snowcones]

It's obvious from what he has shared that she has a piss poor, replaceable contribution to his memory bank and they were too young to recognize it as such. I get irritated that he couldn't be more responsible with his d*ck and would share it with someone who is nowhere near lifelong partner material.

 

 

You have mistaken the identity of your guy. You think he's special and different. He's not. I've seen the most honorable and upstanding guys be lead by their penis. Men are easily lead by their penis, period,. Your guy too. There is no need for you to disparage him for being male. It just is. It also doesn't take away from your "specialness" either. Just stay on top of your game and keep him happy and close and he'll be with you.

[Indigo.Cranes]

Meh, you are wasting your time with him.

 

You have so much vitriol and jealousy and insecurity regarding this child and the mom that your relationship will never work.

 

Yeah, I don't like that some momentary, replaceable female presence gave him his first child and is now weighing him down financially like a cement block as well as dominating a huge chunk of his life/where he lives based on where she wants to live so he can see his child weekly. We would have moved to another state and started our lives together if it weren't for his despeate ex and their foolish procreation.

 

It's not so much as insecurity because I have a better body of experience to offer him, his words, not mine. Unlike her, he chose me, I didn't chase after him. I didn't have to go messaging him on social media, sounding like a highschool freshman and not a grown woman. I was able to hold his attention without spreading my legs and I didn't gain a significant presence by default because his seed is attached to me. What's there to be jealous of??

[Wallysbears]

Odds are you aren’t a life partner for him. Your animosity towards his child will eventually show and he will show you the door.

 

Enjoy the romance while it lasts.

[Indigo.Cranes]

I get it, it is instinctive, it is territorial and it comes from the same place and is the reason why male lions kill the offspring of rivals in order to mate with females to further their own genes.

BUT this is 2018, you are not a male lion and you have to put up and shut up or get out.

It is unfortunate for you, but she exists, she will always exist.

I note you want to have 1,2,3,4... babies with this man, I guess to try and blot his ex and the existing child out.

BUT that baby is his first born and that tends to mean a lot and babies need care and attention. You cannot base having loads of babies on your jealousy of his ex... That is madness talking...

Calm down.

 

BTW I see the boxer wearing as claiming territory too, but that will not make him yours...

 

 

Daddy issues? How old is this man and his ex?

How old are you?

 

Thank you so much for empathizing with me but being firmly honest with me and giving me a reality check. I appreciate your logical insight because this situation does have me in a very emotional, upset place.

 

I don't necessarily feel jealous of his ex because, not to sound arrogant, but she can't even compare. She barely even has any hobbies besides laying on her back and putting on makeup hence why he grew bored of her and ventured off to a woman like me, who can get him front row seats to performances and lively social events/community outings. I just wish she would have resolved her pathetic daddy issues and never inboxed him. I'm struggling hard to deal with the fact that she has a permanent place in the picture. I do not want her around. I don't want to have to deal with her foolish, grimy, low level existence. And I want to accept the child as a separate, unique individual but cannot stand her mother with every fiber of my being

[Indigo.Cranes]

Odds are you aren’t a life partner for him. Your animosity towards his child will eventually show and he will show you the door.

 

Enjoy the romance while it lasts.

 

I don't have animosity towards the child. She's precious and adorable. She is innocent in this situation and as time goes on and she ages and gains wisdom, she will understand how much of a fool her mother was. I don't know how to have animosity towards innocent kids.

 

I just desperately wish her mother was never born. And please pardon me if I sound cruel, this is the only place I can share my true feelings. I can't stand her mother. I wish her mother would have taken her pathetic, desperate, weak romantic attempts elsewhere