treat em mean keep em keen

[tokidoki]

I recently went to a big family gathering. A friend of mine was there- a girl who I've known my entire life (I'm 28). She is exceptionally beautiful, which you'd have to be blind not to see, but I'd never really considered making a move as we've known each other so long and our families are close friends (besides I've always put her out of my league - unattainable so don't even think about it). Throughout the day she was being very flirty and touchy feely, always putting her hands on me. I didn't really think anything of it as she has that kind of personality.

 

Long story short, a few of us went out to a bar after the gathering and then back to my apartment. This girl asked if she could stay and I said she could take my bed, and I went on the couch. She came in to the lounge where I was and told me to come and sleep in the bed with her. I was pretty resistant to the idea at first but she was so adamant that eventually I said OK. I got in to the bed and she rolled over and started cuddling me and kissing my ear and cheek etc. My heart was obviously going quite fast so she said 'why are you stressing'? I said 'You know what you're doing. Stop it and lets just go to sleep'. She stopped for a bit but then persisted, and even tried to verbally persuade me that hooking up was a good idea. The process repeated a few times but after a while I was just far too hot under the collar that I just had to acquiesce. We had sex which was pretty great, to say the least. She stayed over and left later in the morning and I said 'well I guess i'll see you next christmas' (jokingly).

 

Here's the rub. I get the feeling that she's not in to me at all, and sort of just wanted to hook up for the sake of it. Simply put, I feel a bit used. I have absolutely no problem with this, I should say - I'm still pretty amazed it happened and tbh I'm just grateful I got to have sex with her (it could've been my dying wish).

 

I explained all this to a girl friend of mine and she told me that despite these suspicions, I should message her to say I had fun, as anything else is just plain rude after you've slept with someone. It was against my gut feeling but eventually I sent her a message saying 'Hey - last night was lots of fun, although very unexpected. Hope you have a nice holiday, and hopefully see you soon'. She responded just saying 'hey, yeah very random!' and that was it. For some reason I feel like the very fact that I messaged her at all has destroyed any chance of hooking up again. Am I just being stupid? The last thing I want to do is come off like I've caught feelings for her and I'm trying to pursue her/chase her off. I imagine she's very used to having her pick of men, so my thinking was along the lines of 'treat em mean, keep em keen'. Thoughts?

[Wallysbears]

Enjoy a hot night and let it be.

[frankspeci]

In the future send a follow up text saying..."Pfft, you call that sex? I've had better. Thanks for nothing." She'll be begging for a chance to redeem herself in no time. Keep 'em keen.

 

On a serious note. I would let it go. She appears to be operating on her whims which probably won't be too altered by your game playing.

[kendahke]

so my thinking was along the lines of 'treat em mean, keep em keen'. Thoughts?

 

Not much... it's game playing. Makes you look thirsty a.f.

 

If you're that put off by how she blew you off, then just leave her alone. She's not into you.

[losangelena]

Stop tryna turn it into something. You had a great night, and if you can hook up with her sometime in the future, great, but don’t push it, be easy.

[salparadise]

I get the feeling that she's not in to me at all, and sort of just wanted to hook up for the sake of it. Simply put, I feel a bit used.

 

Ah c'mon. Men have no virtue. You got lucky, even if it was nothing more than being in the right place at the right time. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth.

 

Am I just being stupid? The last thing I want to do is come off like I've caught feelings for her and I'm trying to pursue her/chase her off. I imagine she's very used to having her pick of men, so my thinking was along the lines of 'treat em mean, keep em keen'. Thoughts?

 

Well, I'd say it mostly depends on whether she thought it was as good as you did. The fact that she gave you some once certainly increases the odds that she'd be ready to go again. Just be cool and don't act like it was the first time you ever got laid... or that you're trying to put a ring on it.

 

She's probably not going to chase you, and she'll probably lose interest if you come off as instantly smitten. So you have to try to keep some communication going without appearing too keen yourself.

 

Give yourself credit though; she wouldn't have gone to so much effort to get you to bang her if she wasn't horny and attracted to you. I'd suggest just joking around via text a few times, and then spontaneously asking her to come over for a drink one night... not trying to obscure the notion that you'd like to have another slice. She'll know exactly what you're thinking, and she'll either come or not. As long as she's engaging with you your chances are good.

[preraph]

She sounds like she was just drunk and felt like doing something.

[stillafool]

I wouldn't have messaged her. I would have just let it be what it was - surprise sex and move on. She sounds like a little player anyway.

[Art Anderson]

LOL.

Guys always think they can figure out a way to game a woman. Meanwhile, she's got this all figured out, got what she wanted, departed and she'll be deciding what does or doesn't happen from here on out.

 

Go play the antics of being aloof and cool, but you're playing to an audience of 1. She doesn't give a crap what you have for "mind magic". She'll be only doing what she wants.

[smackie9]

You are just making things complicated for yourself. Women can desire to have a release too with no strings attached sex.

 

It's pretty obvious she just wanted to smash for the night, not sure why you would think this would be something else.

 

The dilemma to text or not to is meaningless. You didn't mess anything up.

 

Be happy at the fact you got laid, now just leave it.

 

Who knows this might turn into an annual thing

[Lotsgoingon]

This girl asked if she could stay and I said she could take my bed, and I went on the couch. She came in to the lounge where I was and told me to come and sleep in the bed with her. I was pretty resistant to the idea at first but she was so adamant that eventually I said OK. I got in to the bed and she rolled over and started cuddling me and kissing my ear and cheek etc. My heart was obviously going quite fast so she said 'why are you stressing'? I said 'You know what you're doing. Stop it and lets just go to sleep'. She stopped for a bit but then persisted, and even tried to verbally persuade me that hooking up was a good idea. The process repeated a few times but after a while I was just far too hot under the collar that I just had to acquiesce. We had sex which was pretty great, to say the least. She stayed over and left later in the morning and I said 'well I guess i'll see you next christmas' (jokingly).

 

Dude, are you testing out some stand-up comedy here? The story of the guy who gets seduced by the beautiful woman and resists her come-on? The bolded lines are classic and in case you don't know this: man, this is a story you'll be able to tell to male friends (and female friends) for the rest of your life and you will have them howling with laughter--and disbelief.

 

Seriously, sounds like you have some esteem issues. A woman is flirting with you all night and asks to stay at your place ... and you still cannot accept, cannot believe all the evidence in front of you ... that she wants to sleep with you! What's that about? It's one thing to be doubting for the first hour of her flirting, but by the time she arrived at your apartment, dude, your brain should have shifted to acceptance of the Christmas gift you were getting.

 

Again, serious question: WHY were you resisting? I'm guessing you were afraid that sex with her (since she is, in your words, so out of your league) would result in humiliation, in embarrassment? Did you think she was setting you up?--that once you got your clothes off, she would jump up and say, "Put your underwear back on, I was playing. I'm not going to sleep with you. You're a loser"?

 

Most likely the reason she hesitated in responding to you afterwards is that you made what could have been a fun night into an agony for her. She basically begged you for sex. You ended up, though this was not your intent, humiliating her.

 

Now, if you don't think worthy of having sex, fine. If you're opposed to having sex with someone you're not romantically involved with, again fine. But I'm worried you reacted as you did because you didn't think she could possibly find you attractive.

 

Your sending-off line was hilarious. Guess I'll see you next Christmas! But it's too self-rejecting. If you had a good time, you were supposed to tell her that as she left and give her a huge and at least a kiss on the cheek.

[tokidoki]

Hmm, I don't have self-esteem issues. I know I'm good looking and I don't doubt she is attracted to me. I'm also not stupid, I know she was just drunk and wanted a bang; not a case of years of pent up sexual tension coming to the fore.

 

I resisted because she was v drunk and I didn't really want to take advantage seeing as we will inevitably see each other again many, many times. I gave in because she is the sexiest person i know and if I didn't, I'd probably spend the rest of my life regretting it.

 

She's definitely a player, she told me that day she is dating a few guys casually right now (another reason I was slightly resistant).

 

A no strings attached situation is absolutely ideal. She's as crazy as she is hot so pursuing a relationship is pretty much out of the question. I just feel like I made myself look a bit keen by messaging her the same day but I guess it's a catch 22. Had I not done that, I'd probably have come off as a dick (which may have been better, lol).

 

I think I'll leave it a few weeks and then just ask her over for a drink one evening out of the blue. She can only say no, I guess.

 

Also - of course I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. We are very old friends after all.

Edited December 28, 2018 by undergarment101

[Simple Logic]

She wanted Christmas sex, you were there, lucky you.