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Dancing?

catherine1

By catherine1
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catherine1 Established Member

catherine1

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now, he’s not really the partying kind of guy. However last weekend he went out, lost his friend and had a late night until he caught the next bus home (he lives a bit out of the centre).

 

I didn’t question him, as I never do it if he goes out to the pub etc. However yesterday he was a little drunk. He was saying how much he missed me and it was horrible being out among people who were so drunk. One thing bothered me, he said “to be honest I danced with two girls, but it felt wrong so I went outside for a cigarette”

 

I told him I was angry at him, coming home to tell me he danced with two girls. He said he danced with guys after that, but it’s not something I do on nights out and I have more of a social life than him, often going out with friends. However I never dance with guys.He said I don’t have to worry when he goes out, I can’t help but feel angered and a bit hurt.

 

I don’t want to make a huge deal of it, especially as it’s the Christmas holidays now and there’s plans that bringing this up again would cause upset.

 

Now I’m thinking, was it two spectate girls? Dancing in what manner? He doesn’t dance “sexy” but I know how some can girls dance up against men, i did myself when I was single but wouldn’t now.

 

Thanks for listening

GTR King Established Member

GTR King

Posted
Posted

It’s only 2 girls... Dancing is fine, if it was kissing & more sexual stuff then you should be worried,

 

Loads of girls dance with men in night clubs they love to do it,

 

No need bring it up enjoy xmas with your family etc

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catherine1 Established Member

catherine1

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you, yes I realise this now. It’s just that I’m worried he won’t tell me these things in the future now. Also after I mentioned my inappropriate reaction a few times, he went more quiet with me. Now I’m dreading having a boyfriend falling silent with me over Christmas, I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it

Garcon1986 Established Member

Garcon1986

Posted
Posted

Yes indeed the more you poke him about this the more silent he will get.

 

What I would do is have a good chat when the both of you are in a good mood, after the holidays, about what you think reasonable boundaries are. Pledge to not do anything passive-aggressive to him, and have him promise to be straight with you. i.e. - make it a safe environment to talk about whatever.

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

I dance for a hobby ... and these are partner dances ... one style is fast ... and energetic ... and one is slower, and very intimate and sensual.

 

Now, things are different in partner dances, but what I can tell you is that I'll dance with 15-20 women on a random night ... And this has been when I'm dating someone in my life and when a lot of these women are dating someone.

 

In real life as well, you have the right to dance with other people. Absolutely. Dancing with other people isn't having an affair. Even a somewhat sexy dance with other people (Maybe I'd rule out grinding) is legit ... Yeah there are people who dance and that leads to making out ... But for most people ... a dance is a dance ... it's like a performance ... a flirty or fun conversation ...

 

My guess. Something else is bothering you such that you would be troubled by him dancing with two women ... and the guy was honest enough to tell you.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

It raises a red flag to you because this is out of character for him, which leads you to question, why? Why was he so inclined to go out being drunk, alone and dance with a couple of chicks. This is the discussion you need to have with him. IMO he's getting bored with your relationship, or possibly wondering if he is missing out. When dating after 2 years, the honeymoon phase is done, and you see whether you are truly meant to be together for the long haul. His night out was him testing the waters. It didn't feel right so he told you out of guilt. Well this goes deeper than a confession, and you need to address where his head is at.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

Stop doing all this mental torture to yourself. It's dancing, not having an orgy.

 

He seems to be remorseful over it and is apologizing, so why are you intent upon making it impossible to receive his apology?

 

If are you that put out, dump him.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Thank you, yes I realise this now. It’s just that I’m worried he won’t tell me these things in the future now. Also after I mentioned my inappropriate reaction a few times, he went more quiet with me. Now I’m dreading having a boyfriend falling silent with me over Christmas, I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it

 

No, you should have mentioned it, but you also have to look at the WAY in which you mentioned it--because you can either have a discussion or have a hellish row depending upon how you stepped to him.

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