TheBlingRing14 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 So here is the deal...sorry I just need to rant. I haven't heard from him since Thursday. Last we talked, we were making plans for him to come visit next weekend. I didn't hear from him Friday, but I really didn't expect to. He was working all day, and then driving home for the holidays, so I wasn't expecting to hear from him. But, then I didn't hear from him yesterday either. This was slightly bothersome.....but I was pretty busy yesterday, doing the holiday thing, watching kids, etc. I noticed and it bugged me, but...I chalked it up to being busy with the family. Well, fast forward to this evening. Still haven't heard a word from him. He could be in a ditch for all I know. I mean....at the very, very least, he could have let me know he made it home alive. But, no. Nothing. So, I sent him a message 5 hours ago and...nothing. So, here I am. Very upset. Wanting to scream. I don't even know what I would say if he did reply to me.
Insoc Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Again another issue of technology, texting. There really is no way around it, either someone responds or they don't, I take delayed responses as they do not care or cannot be bothered, you have to accept that maybe his feelings changed, if you are important to him you'd be a priority, I don't buy the excuses, because people typically have their phones in their person all day long, if you can eat you can text/respond. If you can sit down on the toilet, you can text. I had a similar experience with someone I never even met in person, at first she wouldn't leave me alone, texted me all the time, responded within a minute if not less, was like a chat room, no delay no feelings of what you are feeling, but later on it changed and I realized she wasn't interested anymore. Some Men and Women play games when texting, but not me so I cannot relate, but I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. I think if someone isn't interested, you just stop texting or tell them, don't keep responding 1 day or 3 days later. 1
Zippy2000 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Again another issue of technology, texting. There really is no way around it, either someone responds or they don't, I take delayed responses as they do not care or cannot be bothered, you have to accept that maybe his feelings changed, if you are important to him you'd be a priority, I don't buy the excuses, because people typically have their phones in their person all day long, if you can eat you can text/respond. If you can sit down on the toilet, you can text. I had a similar experience with someone I never even met in person, at first she wouldn't leave me alone, texted me all the time, responded within a minute if not less, was like a chat room, no delay no feelings of what you are feeling, but later on it changed and I realized she wasn't interested anymore. Some Men and Women play games when texting, but not me so I cannot relate, but I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. I think if someone isn't interested, you just stop texting or tell them, don't keep responding 1 day or 3 days later. I totally agree with this. People who take a VERY long time to fire off a text are most likely not to be interested or if they are semi-interested theyre just there to have you as a "back pocket boyfriend/girlfriend". Someone who likes the attention but doesn't really want o take things further because they like to keep their options open. That said, have you not been able to fire a text off and say "Hey, how`s your day"?
Highndry Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 For the most part I absolutely despise texting. From the moment that sound comes in I feel pressure that I have to get back to whoever that is. And, if it's somebody I don't feel like interacting with I feel dread. That being said, if I am in a relationship I always get back to her asap. If she's a texter, I will try my best to incorporate that into my life, and I certainly wouldn't ghost her if I was on vacation or whatever. It does not take but a moment to say "Hey, I love you and I miss you. Been busy but will touch base when I can. Hope you're well." Or something. 1
stillafool Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 If he isn't suppose to come until next weekend why are you freaking out now?
Giraffe-A Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Either there’s a really good reason for not answering such as lying in the ditch, or his interest and level of respect to tell you that he’s out is not there at all. It’s a terrible feeling, but hope you have a holiday regardless.
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 The OP hasn't been back...I'm gonna assume he reached out and she feels better again, just like last time. 1
basil67 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Again another issue of technology, texting. There really is no way around it, either someone responds or they don't, I take delayed responses as they do not care or cannot be bothered, you have to accept that maybe his feelings changed, if you are important to him you'd be a priority, I don't buy the excuses, because people typically have their phones in their person all day long, if you can eat you can text/respond. If you can sit down on the toilet, you can text. You've got a lot of expectation of people being tied to their phone. I went out last night and forgot mine. Then got home and went to bed without checking it. Sometimes it runs out of charge without me noticing. The fact that some people are slaves to their phone doesn't mean that everyone behaves like this. 2
kendahke Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 If you don't hear from him by Wednesday, I'd say something is either terribly wrong or he decided that you and he needed some real space this week, or he may be imagining him and you on a break you didn't recall going on. I'm leaning more towards the latter because with the former, I'd think his boy would call you or his parents would. Sorry this is happening. How far from you is he right now?
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted December 26, 2018 Author Posted December 26, 2018 That said, have you not been able to fire a text off and say "Hey, how`s your day"? Yes, I did...eventually. I am just surprised it had to come to that. Not that I mind initiating, I don't. It's just...it usually doesn't go that long with me not hearing from him. If he isn't suppose to come until next weekend why are you freaking out now? Well the freaking out stems from not having things completely ironed out. I would have preferred to have gotten a chance to talk to him thoroughly to make sure we are on the same page as to his visit. I believe he is a person of his word, so if he says he will be here Friday, he will be. But, will he be HERE, or will he be somewhere random an hour away and expect me to come to him? Will he be spending any time with me and my family at all? Should I be packing for one day? Two? Three? These are things I wish I had answers to but I don't. You've got a lot of expectation of people being tied to their phone. I went out last night and forgot mine. Then got home and went to bed without checking it. Sometimes it runs out of charge without me noticing. The fact that some people are slaves to their phone doesn't mean that everyone behaves like this. When we are together, he rarely has his phone on him. He usually just sets it down somewhere and leaves it. He might check it periodically, but he doesn't keep it on him. In fact, I usually have my phone much more frequently, and he has said in joking, "Put your phone down." So I'd say of the two of us, he is much less attached to his phone. I do know that when I have traveled to visit family, I can sometimes set my phone down or leave it in the bedroom or whatever. We get to watching a movie or playing cards and a couple of hours go by. So, it wouldn't shock me if he didn't look at his phone for 2 or 3 or even 5 hours. It's unusual for today's society, sure, but it wouldn't be unusual for him. And, I certainly wouldn't expect him to keep his phone on him all day, in expectation of being in contact with me. It just would be nice if he were a little more present. So, a little update: I did hear from him the day of the post....eventually. It was after midnight, so I actually didn't get the message till the next morning. But, he did finally respond. Ever since then, communication has been consistent, but sparse. I do wonder if part of the issue has me to blame for it. (a little) On Thursday, when we talked, I was telling him how crazy busy my weekend was, and what a whirlwind it was going to be. The very first thing he asked me was, "Was your weekend as busy as you thought it would be?" So, I dunno if he was busy with family, and he figured I was super busy too (which I was) so he figured he would just abstain until the weekend was over. I don't know. Like you said, it doesn't take but 10 seconds to send a text. Even something like, "I got to my parents' safe, will talk to you later this weekend after everything settles down." So, I don't know that I can give him a pass, but I am saying perhaps that's what was running through his head when he wasn't messaging me. I do understand that he is visiting family, and I respect that. He was less available over Thanksgiving too, but he seemed to find time to check in a bit more often. It is definitely something we need to talk about...I don't want to come at it seeming like a nag. I think if I come across like, "You should..." "You need to..." he's gonna not be very receptive to it. So, I do need to think on how to formulate my perspective in a fair-minded way. I am very emotional, so I can see things going off the rails if I get too high-strung. Good news: he's alive. Bad news: he's not in a ditch somewhere. (just kidding about that, obviously. But it would have been a better explanation than just...being sparse for 5 days)
kendahke Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 So he had no explanation for why he was incommunicado for 5 days? And would he be this calm if it had been you who dropped off the face of the earth like that? In my past experience, this behavior means he's been having sex with someone else and it's taken this long for the self revulsion to simmer down so he can look you in the eye with his lie all together. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 I totally agree with this. People who take a VERY long time to fire off a text are most likely not to be interested or if they are semi-interested theyre just there to have you as a "back pocket boyfriend/girlfriend". Someone who likes the attention but doesn't really want o take things further because they like to keep their options open. That said, have you not been able to fire a text off and say "Hey, how`s your day"? I agree 100% on this. I was never a great texter until I started dating. Texting is extremely easy, so if someone isn't even able to do that, they really aren't interested. Its not everything in a relationship, but a important part.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 Yeah, I am not feeling particularly good about things. I'm pretty sure he is breaking things off with me this weekend. After continued scarce contact, I finally just called him to ask him what the plans for this weekend were, and he told me he had been avoiding me because he didn't really have any plans yet. But he was working on it. Ok fine. He said multiple times that I didn't need to come see him tonight because it would be late. Ok fine. He said he would send me the details. He never did. So, once again, I messaged him, and he finally sent me where he would be staying. Which was fine, but looking at the place, I could tell that there wasn't enough availability for all 4 nights. So I mentioned it to him, to which his response was that he was going home on Sunday. So...it defeats the purpose of him coming up over a long weekend. Also, the plan all along was for him to be here for NYE. And, if he is doing such a short visit...you'd think he would want me there tonight, whether it's late or not. So, anyway...I'm not feeling so good about things.
Recommended Posts